


My Name Is Trouble

by NERV



Series: It Never Goes Out [3]
Category: Love Live! School Idol Project
Genre: F/F, Set loosely around the events of Season 2, nozoeli - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-02
Updated: 2018-07-24
Packaged: 2018-11-22 09:00:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 65,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11376936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NERV/pseuds/NERV
Summary: With her time at Otonokizaka coming to an end, Nozomi has a lot to do; sorting out the romantic priorities of her juniors, distinguishing herself as an exemplary prankster and her own roller coaster romance with a certain stone-cold fox.   At least she's the right girl for the job.  Oh, and she's got backup; Nico and Umi are going to help out (kind of) at some point.  What can go wrong?





	1. Not Going Anywhere

It had been a long summer.

 

Nozomi still wasn't sure if that was good or bad.  There were things to hold onto and there were things to let go.

 

Something she wanted to hold onto:  Nicocchi!

 

And she had to hold on tightly too; her classmate was squirming and scrambling, desperate to escape Nozomi's more-than-friendly embrace (and probing fingers).

 

"Nicocchi, you're such a tease."  She cooed into Nico's ear.

 

She got a thorough whipping of Nico's pigtails across her face in reply.

 

"Get.  OFF."  Nico snapped.

 

She was trying to kick-out behind her at Nozomi's shins but she couldn't reach.  As always, Nico's inherent compactness was a source of amusement for Nozomi.

 

Ah, there were few things in life as instantly gratifying as teasing Yazawa Nico.

 

They had just finished a choreography session on the roof when a classic NicoMaki conflict had erupted.  It had been ignited by Eli of all people, which had drawn Nozomi into its midst, even if she didn't really know what it was about this time.

 

She let a free hand brush across Nico's chest, copping a feel and drawing an undignified squeak from everyone's favourite super idol.  Eli continued to reprimand Nico and Maki, apparently unaware of the fire she was playing with.  Nozomi, however, was fully aware and decided it was time to stoke those flames.

 

The result was a rather amusing arrangement where a full-throttle Nico-Ni was prancing around the roof with all of her usual declarations only amplified by Maki's state of near-collapse.

 

All-in-all it had been a pretty fun end to the session.

 

And apparently it had lightened up Eli enough for some extracurricular summertime fun. 

 

*********************

 

In her room, waking up came slow.  Her body felt warped and there was an absence of a feeling she knew should have been there.  When it came it was a pleasant sensation, enveloping her all over, like stepping into a warm bath.  Worth the wait.

 

Nozomi rolled to the edge of the bed and reached over the side, her hand rifling though the pile clothes strewn there for something quick and easy.  She found a T-shirt, sat up and pulled it on, only to then realise by the fit that it wasn't hers.  Still, it would do.  She stood up and pulled the hem of the shirt down in a futile effort.  She grabbed a skirt from the floor for good measure and slipped into it as she strode from her the bedroom.  The skirt wasn't hers either, another tight fit as she zipped it up.

 

Eli was leaning against a counter of the little kitchen attached to the living room, sipping a glass of water.  She had stolen Nozomi's shorts but wasn't wearing anything else.  Nozomi didn't even pretend not to be admiring her topless form as she walked over to join her, leaning back against the opposite counter.

 

After a few moments of Nozomi's probing gaze Eli sighed loudly and rolled her eyes.

 

"It's getting awfully cramped in here."  Nozomi noted, the corner of her mouth curving into a devious smirk.   

 

"Get your mind out of the gutter."

 

"But...  They're right in front of me...  That's not fair..."  Nozomi gestured to Eli's chest.

 

"You stole my shirt."  Eli shrugged.

 

"You got up before me.  How does that matter now?"

 

"Oh, it matters."

 

"What matters is you _flaunting.  Flaunting_ right in front of me.  They're so plump and pert...  And p...  Personable."

 

"Personable?"

 

Nozomi nodded, still smirking.

 

"That's what you're going with?"

 

"Trust me.  I'm in the know."

 

"Really?  Not everything has to be an alliteration, Nozomi.  You could have gone with enticing or attractive or..."

 

"Temptatious!"  Nozomi interjected as Eli began to rattle off a list of adjectives.

 

Eli frowned.  "Well...  I guess.  I mean, technically..."

 

"Think about it.  In context; it's very temptatious for you to let me make everything feel better.  If you know what I mean."  Nozomi added a wink, just to be safe.

 

Eli raised an eyebrow.

 

"Smooth.  Did that come up in your cards?"

 

"Elichi, That's hardly the kind of thing...  Yes.  Yes, it did come up now that you mention it."  Nozomi quickly corrected herself.

 

"And what card was that?  The horny teenager?"

 

"You've heard of it?  Most people haven't..."

 

"Does it have a portrait of you?"

 

Nozomi gasped in mock outrage for a moment before smirking again. 

 

"Yes."

 

"Leering, I imagine."

 

"It's a good look for me.  Besides, look at what I'm leering at."  Nozomi made a squeezing motion with one hand.

 

"Okay.  You need to cool down."

 

Eli glanced at the glass of water in her hand, it was less than a quarter full. 

 

"Here, let me help."

 

She leaned forward and tipped the contents over Nozomi, who gasped as the cool water spilled down her chest and back.  She didn't even take a moment to compose herself before retaliating, the retort was already there.

 

"Are you trying to make me wet again?"

 

She had the deeply satisfying sense of victory as Eli blushed and moved away, murmuring some excuse.

 

"There are better ways!  Let me show you."  Nozomi called out after her.

 

She smiled for a few moment when there was no reply.  Then she promptly reminded herself to give chase. 

 

As she walked back towards the bedroom she realised that Eli's spillage had made the shirt she was wearing see-through.

 

"You can see my boobs now, we're even now.  Elichi?  Did you hear that?  Elichi!"  Nozomi called out ahead.

 

*********************

 

After round two Nozomi laid back, her shoulder brushing the wall; the cons of a single bed.  On the other hand, a pro; they stayed close.  Her arm was loosely draped around Eli's shoulders.

 

"Good job buddy."  Nozomi reached over to ruffle Eli's hair.

 

Eli gave an exasperated sigh as she slapped Nozomi's hand away.

 

"I wish you would stop doing that.  It wasn't funny the first time."

 

"Was it funny this time?"

 

"It was not."

 

"How many times have I said it?"

 

" _Every time._ "

 

"No.  You're making that up."

 

"I'm not."

 

"I don't have the wherewithal to be that hilarious all the time."

 

"I'm telling you."

 

"Even after the first impact?"

 

"Would you stop calling it that!"  Eli turned to glare at her.

 

Nozomi adopted an expression of solemn regret that she struggled to uphold.  Once Eli turned away a giggle escaped Nozomi's lips.  Then one more.  She heard Eli sigh as she felt her fidget in the crook of her arm. 

 

Only then did her laughter pearl out.  She couldn't help it.  Eli's sour expression only drew it out longer.

 

"I swear, nothing ever gets to you."  Eli turned to look at her again.

 

For a moment Nozomi was caught in those baby blues.  Her mouth felt dry.

 

_It would be nice to stay just like this._

But like always she pulled herself out of the ensnarement.

 

"Nerves of steel."  Nozomi shrugged.

 

"Something like that."  Eli murmured her agreement.

 

She rolled onto her side, facing away and Nozomi found herself studying the landscape of her lover's back, the ridges of her shoulder blades, the way they led down into the valley of her waist and hips.  She had mapped them out, often dreamt of the contours, her finger withheld by a millimetre from tracing them.  

 

"You're such a mischievous little fox."  She whispered. 

 

Eli rolled back to face her.

 

"What?"

 

Dazed, Nozomi hesitated for a moment, scrambling for a conscious thread.

 

"...Don't play innocent with me, Mrs. Matchmaker."

 

Eli stared back in bewilderment.

 

"Giving Nicocchi the hard shove towards our resident princess."

 

"Oh, that.  I just lost me temper...  But...  You really think so?  I don't see it."

 

"Wow."  Nozomi leaned back, turning her eyes up at the ceiling in bemusement.

 

"What?"

 

" _Wow._ "

 

"Nozomi, they don't even like each other.  They're always fighting."

 

" _WOW_."

 

Eli ignored her.  "I mean, they're nothing like us."

 

"Certainly."  Nozomi agreed, cupping a breast in the curve of her hand.

 

"Would you stop being so crude."

 

"Can't help it.  You must be rubbing off on me.  Literally."

 

Eli sat up, shaking Nozomi's arm off.  She turned to look back down at her from over her shoulder.

 

"I'm the settler in this relationship.  I want you to know that."

 

"Ouch."  Nozomi deadpanned, reaching out to pinch Eli's hip.

 

"Stop that."  Eli slapped her hand away.  "I'm going to take a shower."

 

"Me too."

 

"No!"  Eli snapped, quickly jumping to her feet and narrowly evading Nozomi's lunging embrace.

 

She paused in the doorway and then looked back.  Nozomi looked up at her, chin planted in the palm of her hand.

 

"Having second thoughts?"  Her hand traced a broad semi-circle across the mattress.  "Bed's still warm.  _And so am I_."

 

Eli rolled her eyes.  "One of these days I'm going to get my act together." 

 

Nozomi watched her turn back and step through the doorway, out of view.

 

_And just what does she mean by that?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go again. Hopefully this story is going to fill in a lot of gaps concerning Nozomi in my previous two LL fics.


	2. One Day Without You

For all of her complaints, Eli wasn't gone for long.  That weekend she was back under the pretence of studying, complete with coy looks at Nozomi over the books at regular intervals.

 

Nozomi knew her game.  It was all, "Don't you think about anything else?" or, "Geez, stop groping for five seconds", but she craved the attention. 

 

And those groping comments were hardly on reflex, she let Nozomi give her a thrill first.  Maybe two.  And the moans...  And let's definitely not get into the double-standard Eli had going on when her hands got curious.

 

Terrible...  Terrible.  No, you know what?  It was _shameless_.

 

Nozomi tsked and shook her head.

 

"What?"  Eli, who was sat next to her on the couch, turned to glance at her.

 

Nozomi only tsked louder.

 

"Oh, shut up."  Eli huffed, turning back to the bland TV movie they were watching during a break from exam revision.

 

Nozomi glanced at her small TV set.  She hadn't really paid the film any notice, preferring to huddle up on her side of the couch and brood, occasionally stealing a glance at the object of her affection in profile, illuminated by the faint glow of the TV.

 

"Who's this guy again?"  She asked, motioning to the screen.

 

"The main guy.  He's been in every scene."  Eli glanced at her, bemused.

 

"Are you sure?"  Nozomi gave Eli a doubtful look.

 

"Yes.  I am sure that the character you have referred to is the protagonist of the movie I have just been watching for the last 40 minutes.  Does that clarify the matter?"

 

"It doesn't clarify why you came over here to study and now we're watching a film."

 

"This was your idea!"

 

"I have a lot of ideas on how to avoid studying, this was not one of them."

 

"Really?  Enlighten me.  What would you rather be doing?"

 

Nozomi winked, her lips curving into a wicked grin.

 

Eli shook her head and sighed.  "Don't you think about anything else?"

 

You see?  _You see?_

 

Toujou Nozomi: the patience of a saint.

 

"I just don't understand why you won't follow my apartment uniform policy?"  Nozomi retorted, shrugging her shoulders.

 

"I am not taking my shirt off."  Eli snapped.

 

"Well then what's the point of me even making the rule!?"

 

"Nozomi..."

 

"I did it for you, Elichi.  You love rules.  Now's it's just chaos.  _Chaos_."

 

"...Nozomi, please...  Please just shut up."

 

"Oh, I get it.  Me first, right?  Honestly, Elichi.  One track mind."

 

"What can I say?  I learnt from the best.  Or the most persistent."

 

Nozomi crossed her arms and pouted in indignation.

 

"Talk about character assassination.  You know, one of these days I'm going to find a girl who shares my interests."

 

"Interests, plural?  I think you just mean relations of the intimate nature?"  Eli chuckled.

 

"Laugh it up.  You'll be sorry."

 

"Devastated, I'm sure."

 

"Where else are you going to spend a topless weekend?"

 

"I'm just going to have to go without."  Eli shrugged, shaking her head in mock disappointment.

 

"Sure, now that you've thrown it away."  Nozomi found herself leaning towards Eli.

 

"Whatever will I do?"

 

"What _can_ you do?"  Nozomi growled, leaning ever closer.

 

She couldn't help herself when Eli got like this.  Teasing her, pretending she didn't want it, that it wasn't the reason she was here.

 

She felt her whole body tense, her fingers digging into the couch.

 

"Are you going to _make me_ regret it?"  Eli whispered, just enough for Nozomi to hear right next to her, almost like couldn't bear to say it any louder.

 

There was always this moment just before they collided.  Nozomi always initiated it, but Eli would always give her the primer, the ignition.  It was a part of Eli that would appear just for that one sentence, that moment where she was totally honest, her lust becoming clear.  It sent Nozomi into overdrive...

 

She pounced.

 

For a few moments the clash of her body against Eli's brought her everything she desired.

 

Then the piercing sound of Eli's phone interrupted them briefly.  It was just a text and Nozomi, only faintly aware of it, wanted to push on.  It seemed like she would get her way for a moment as Eli pulled her phone out of her pocket with a free hand and seemed to be tipping it towards the table.  But then something from the illuminated screen caught her eye.

 

"Hang on."  She stopped suddenly, pulling back and fending off Nozomi with the palm of her free hand.  She brought the phone close to her face, rapidly texting.

 

The pause was blunt and it made Nozomi want to scream.  Still, it just a momentary;  she kept that in mind, trying not to let it bring her down.  She wanted to drift right back into Eli.

 

It was odd then, caught between these states, that she noticed Eli glance at her and then back at her phone.

 

...There was something in the look she gave her...

 

"Who is that?"  Nozomi asked.

 

She leaned forward, over Eli to catch sight of the phone's screen.  Eli suddenly pushed her back, not roughly, but firmly.  It didn't matter though, Nozomi had seen enough.

 

She sat up and glanced at Eli inquisitively. 

 

"You're not at Honoka's..."

 

"I...  Know..."  Eli replied cautiously.

 

"Then why are you telling your sister that you are?"  Nozomi kept her voice level.

 

Eli put her phone down, text sent.  She tried to say something but though her lips moved they remained mute.

 

"Are you ashamed of me?"  It wasn't accusatory, the words were spoken calmly but the question had leapt unbidden from her lips.

 

"No...  No, of course not."

 

There was tense silence draped over the room for the next...  Nozomi wasn't sure how long.  She didn't know quite what to say, there was a sudden chill forming in her chest.

 

"I'm just...  I'm...  I'm being careful.  You know?"  Eli finally spoke up.

 

Did she know?  Nozomi tried to consider the question.

 

...She did...  But...

 

"I understand."  She heard herself say.

 

She did.  She did understand.  It was just...

 

Eli grabbed her wrists, pulling Nozomi on top of her.  For once she just fell on top of Eli, there was push or pull beyond.

 

Their lips met but Nozomi felt detached, thinking, not feeling.

 

It didn't last long.  Eli's phone went off again.  A call this time.

 

"Damn it..."  She mumbled.  "...It doesn't..."  Looking at the phone screen, she hesitated.  It was Umi.

 

Nozomi glanced at the screen as well.  "You should answer that."  She said, pulling away form Eli.

 

Perhaps sensing the awkwardness between the two, Eli took the call, using it as an excuse to stand up and pace towards the other side of the room.

 

Nozomi watched her go.

 

_One of these days I'm going to get my act together._

The words seemed to leapt forth from the back of her head.  She felt herself sink further into a corner of the couch.

 

She watched Eli shimmer in the last vestiges of the sunset filtering through the window.  It was like a mirage, Nozomi was sure that she would fade away if she tried to grasp her...

 

"Woah, calm down.  I didn't catch all of that."  She could hear Eli trying to discern whatever it was Umi was saying.

 

"...Elichi...  What's going on?"

 

Eli didn't seem to hear her.

 

Without thinking, Nozomi pushed herself to her feet and quickly stepped over to Eli, jumping on her back and grabbing at the phone.

 

Eli half-shrieked, twisting suddenly in an attempt to shake Nozomi off.

 

"Wait!  No...  Hang on..."  Eli said as Nozomi managed to pry the phone from her fingers.

 

Nozomi immediately let go of Eli and ran to the over side of the apartment.

 

"No, don't.  Don't!"  Eli cried after her, giving chase.

 

"Hello, Umi!  We were just talking about you and Kotori.  What a coincidence." 

 

"R-really..?"  Umi replied.

 

Nozomi jumped over to the other side of the couch, putting it between herself and Eli.

 

"Yes!  You know how Kotori always likes to play her little pranks on you.  You always see these little out-of-character glimpses of her when it comes to you."

 

Nozomi wasn't really paying much mind to what she was saying, it was just some vaguely provocative spiel about Kotori, designed to make Umi uncomfortable.

 

Unsurprisingly, it worked and Umi began to babble herself into a corner.

 

"Yes, she does do that.  And you know I  _love_...  Pranks...  In fact, I bet you all talk about how I like to play them on  _her_  all of time, right?"

 

There was probably something worth taking note of here but Nozomi was far more concerned with her prey-turned-predator as they circled each other around the couch.  Eli was shaking her fist at Nozomi and silently mouthing threats.  Unfortunately for her, and she really should have known better, that only spurred Nozomi on.  She picked up a cushion and threw it at Eli, who retaliated in turn.

 

"Nozomi, Are you still there?"  Umi buzzed in her ear.

 

"Yes."

 

Suddenly Eli planted a foot on the couch and then leapt over it with startling speed.  She cannoned into Nozomi, pushing her back against the wall. 

 

"Well, this has been fun.  You've really helped.  Say goodbye to Eli for me.  Goodnight."  Umi's voice tickled her ear again.

 

Eli grappled with Nozomi, hands scrambling for her phone.

 

"Wait!  Umi?  Umi?"  She cried out as Nozomi let go of the phone. 

 

She glanced down at the screen, seeing that the call had ended.  She looked back up at Nozomi, eyes ablaze.

 

"Why did you do that!?"

 

Nozomi chuckled.  "I thought it was a very me thing to do.  You should have seen it coming."

 

"You think this is funny?"

 

"Isn't it?"

 

Eli took a deep breath and pulled back slightly.  She still had Nozomi pinned to the wall, their faces only inches apart until just now.

 

"I must say, I like your new-found aggressiveness."  Nozomi quipped.

 

"She wanted my help.  You shouldn't have done that."  Eli was trying to keep the edge out of her voice but it verged through here and there.

 

"Oh, please.  What?  You _don't_ think Umi has a huge crush on Kotori as well?  I wasn't even listening and even I could see that's all it was.  They probably brushed hands and now Umi's dreaming of proposing."

 

"You don't know that."  Eli retorted.

 

"I would say with some certainty that I do."

 

"You were provoking her."

 

"And what were you going to say?  'Just make sure no one sees you together.'"

 

Nozomi knew she treading thin ice, on the edge of saying something she would regret.  She could see it in the way that Eli tried and failed to retort, while her eyes seemed to say a thousand things at once.

 

_'Just say you're at Honoka's.'_

 

Nozomi bit it back at the last moment but she could feel the anger giving rise to the idea.  There was a blister on her tongue where the words waited, loaded to hurt.

 

"I didn't...  That's not what I...  Was worried about."  Eli voice was small, a broken sound barely reaching her ears.

 

"I know."  Nozomi whispered, even if she didn't really believe it.

 

"It's fine that she knew.  That I was with you, I mean.  It doesn't matter."

 

Nozomi pulled her close, sliding into place to leave a butterfly kiss on her neck.  It was just a small moment but she found herself marvelling at the taste and feel of Eli's pale, marbled skin, cool to touch even as it fired her blood. 

 

"It's okay..." 

 

She felt Eli lean into her. 

 

"...There's nothing wrong."

 

*********************

 

Nozomi woke up the following morning feeling sluggish.  She pressed snooze on her phone one too many times and ended up running out of her apartment to catch up.

 

Eli had left early the previous evening.  They'd fooled around a while longer after Umi called but neither of them could click with the other.  Eli had made an excuse, Nozomi had let her.

 

When she got to the station the trains were moving smoothly and she ended getting to Otonokizaka not much later than she normally would have. 

 

There was no word from Eli on the way.  Normally, if Nozomi was running late she would receive a text stating that Eli was waiting for her at the station along with a mildly-worded reminder that arriving early for school (rather than _just_ on time) was the minimum of a students council member (present or former).

 

When she stepped off the train no one was waiting for her on the platform.

 

However, when she exited the station she ran into one of her frequent targets of torment.

 

"Nicocchi!"  She called.

 

Nico, who had been texting, looked up from her phone with the regret of her prior loitering written all over her face.

 

"What?"  She replied bluntly, quickly setting off on the trail to school.

 

"I'm just happy to see my sweet Nicocchi.  A beautiful start to my day."  Nozomi caught up quickly, throwing an arm around Nico's shoulder and pulling her close.

 

The shorter girl immediately began to kick and claw her way clear of Nozomi's grasp.

 

"I wish I could say the same."  Nico said through gritted teeth.

 

"That's not very nice."  Nozomi chided with doe eyes.  Nico only snarled in returned.

 

"Oh, Nicocchi.  What am I going to do with you?"  Nozomi teased in a sing-song voice.

 

Nico was about to make another snide remark in reply but she paused, glancing around them.

 

"Where's your girlfriend?"  She asked suddenly.

 

Nozomi frowned.

 

"Sorry, that girl that you're _totally not in love with_.  Where's she?"

 

"I don't know what you're talking about."  Nozomi replied, straight-faced.

 

"Oh no, did she catch you using a brand of textbook she doesn't approve of?"  Nico taunted, sensing a greater unrest on the topic.

 

"That is an outrageous accusation.  Obviously I know all of her textbook preferences.  Because I'm _good friend_.  And that's what _good friends_ do."

 

Honestly, Nozomi almost felt like she making fun of herself.  _Such good friends_.  It was like she had been rehearsing with Eli for just such a probing accusation (well, hadn't they?).

 

"Nico knows all about _friends_ like you two."  She mocked, pointing and shaking her head with a coy, mischievous smile on her lips.

 

"I should hope so, seeing as you're looking to strike up a similar relationship.  That's if I recall out little heart-to-heart at the library last week correctly." 

 

That shut her up at least.

 

In fact, Nico went so quiet that Nozomi began to feel a touch guilty.  She knew that it wasn't really Nico winding her up (although she certainly never forgot to play her part), it was...

 

"How is it going?"  Nozomi asked.  When Nico glanced at her quizzically, she added, "With our fiery princess?"

 

Nico didn't answer for a few moments, she just started straight-ahead as Otonokizaka crested their horizon.

 

"Nico always gets the girl."  She murmured.

 

"Don't spoil it.  I like to see how these things unfold."

 

"Watch and learn.  Nico could teach you a thing or two."

 

"Well, at least you sound confident."

 

"It isn't even about confidence.  It's about...  Who could resist Nico?"  She was suddenly all cutesy-smiles and rosy-cheeks.

 

"I..."

 

"No one."  Nico interrupted.  "No one can resist Nico.  Believe it."

 

Nozomi couldn't help but smile as Nico pranced.

 

"I'm a believer."  Nozomi commented, latching onto Nico again.

 

"Get your hands off Nico!"  She cried out.

 

Nozomi could feel her tiny fists pummelling her ribs.

 

"Not so hard.  I'm still tender from the last time you ravished me."  Nozomi declared with a liberal dose of theatricality.

 

Nico leapt away.  She glanced at Nozomi and blushed faintly, mumbling an insult.

 

"If only I could get Maki out of the picture.  I could have my Nicocchi all to myself."  Nozomi sighed, still putting on a performance.

 

Nico went to retort but paused.  In fact, it was one of the few times Nozomi could recall her being speechless.  Instead, Nico turned and ran towards Otonokizaka in a sudden tactical retreat.

 

_A smart move._

 

**********************

 

Eli was absent from class.

 

Nozomi didn't expect to be personally notified, though as far as Nozomi could remember, for the few times Eli had previously been absent, she had sent Nozomi a text. 

 

Of course, there could be a very legitimate reason why she hadn't done so (yet) today.

 

Then again, she seemed fine yesterday.  Physically anyway.

 

Nozomi tried not to dwell on it.  The morning classes provided a reasonable distraction and she made sure to make clear and concise notes for Eli to read over later.

 

At lunch she decided against the clubroom where the others would probably be meeting.  No doubt they would all ask her where Eli was; she wouldn't have anything to say.

 

Instead she wondered the school grounds.  The sky was thick with cloud but rays of sunlight poked through here and there.  A pleasant breeze swirled past as she stopped to pick at her packed lunch; she didn't have much of an appetite.

 

After more directionless wandering she came across a scene that merited her interest.

 

She had been passing by a cluster of trees along the side of the main school building when she had caught sight of Hanayo.  She was sitting beneath one of the trees, alone and reading a book.  It seemed that there was something missing...  Or someone.

 

"Hello!"  She called out as she strode over and took a seat, leaning back against the base of the tree next to Hanayo.

 

Hanayo squeaked in surprise when she heard Nozomi.  And then she squeaked again when she realised it _was_ Nozomi.

 

"H-h-hello."  She eventually replied.

 

"It's so rare to see my precious Hanayo alone."  Nozomi noted, casting a glance at Hanayo, who squirmed under her gaze.

 

"W-well, I-I...  Um...  W-well..."  Hanayo stuttered and stammered.

 

Nozomi was not unaware how some of the girls regarded her and she would be lying if she said it was an image she didn't try to cultivate sometimes.  She liked to keep people off-balance for a number of reasons but Hanayo was looking at her as though she'd been caught in the spider's web.  That was a bit too dramatic, even for Nozomi.

 

"Relax.  I'm not up to anything today, no scheming."

 

"Oh...  I mean I wasn't saying that you were...  No, I meant..."

 

"Oh no, you'd normally be right.  Just today.  Everyone needs a day off."

 

"...Okay..."  Hanayo was still clearly a tad wary.

 

Now that Nozomi thought about it, it was even odder that the certain someone she had in mind wasn't here as per usual with Hanayo, considering the revelations they'd shared with her and Nico in the library last week.

 

"Where is my darling Rin-nya?"  She prodded gently.

 

"I don't know."  Hanayo answered, turning back to her book.

 

"Really?"

 

"N-no.  I'm not always...  With Rin-chan."  She whispered the last part, as if she barely believed it herself.

 

"Don't you want to be?"

 

Nozomi had no real intention of antagonising Hanayo but she was intrigued enough to walk the line.

 

"I..."  But Hanayo didn't say anything else for a while.

 

The breeze blew between them as Nozomi watched Hanayo.  She looked lost in thought, as if Nozomi had provoked something deeper than she had intended.

 

"I don't think it's a bad thing to want."  Nozomi spoke quietly, as if she were trying to find Hanayo's range.

 

"Yeah."  Hanayo whispered.  "...Have you ever...  Felt...  Like that..?"

 

Nozomi felt herself shake a little.  She wanted to laugh but it wasn't the right time to let it out.  Besides, it was a good question.  Even if the answer was obvious, she still never said it aloud.

 

"I just want you and Rin to be happy!"

 

Hanayo blushed bright as Nozomi pulled her in for brief full-contact hug.  When they parted Hanayo was still bright red, looking down at the ground.

 

"I'm sure....  We will."

 

She was so quiet, the words distant of each other but more coherent for it.  There was something there, something unshakeable, even if Hanayo still hadn't fully come to terms with it.

 

"Me too.  And you know my cards never lie."  Nozomi smiled as she stood up.

 

"T-thank-you...  Oh, Nozomi..."

 

Nozomi paused as she began to leave.  She glanced back over her shoulder.

 

"Umi said there was no training or club activities today."

 

"Oh, why is that?"  Last night's phone conversation buzzed into her mind as she asked.

 

"...I'm not sure.  But Eli isn't here today, right?"

 

Nozomi hummed an affirmative.

 

"Maybe just because of that?"  Hanayo guessed.

 

"Probably."  Nozomi agreed with a reassuring smile.

 

Now what had Umi been rambling on about last night?  Nozomi wondered.

 

It seemed her curiosity had a new flame.

 

*******************

 

Despite Hanayo's message Nozomi decided to swing by the clubroom when classes ended for the day.

 

She heard the tell-tale rattle of a sowing machine as she approached the room.  She paused for a moment and listened but there no accompanying chatter.

 

Nozomi opened the door to the clubroom to find Kotori there alone.  She was running a dress through the sewing machine and appeared totally oblivious to anything else.

 

"Hello."  Nozomi decided to test the waters.

 

Kotori paused, and then after a moment she looked up in surprise.

 

"Oh...  H-hey.  Hey.  Sorry."  Kotori shook her head and glanced back down at the machine.

 

"Okay?"  Nozomi asked lightly.

 

"Sure."  Kotori looked back up at her, smiling faintly.  "Long day, that's all."

 

"I know the feeling."  Nozomi sat down on the edge of the table, taking note of the particular dress Kotori was working on.

 

There was no doubt who it was for; Kotori was stitching a length of deep blue lace to the body.

 

"Did no one tell you?  There's no meeting this evening."

 

"Haven't checked my phone."  Nozomi tossed out the excuse.

 

"Oh, sorry about that.  I should have tried to catch you earlier.  Everyone else has gone home...  I'm..."

 

Nozomi could take the hint.  There was a prim politeness to the way Kotori was speaking but Nozomi had spent enough of her life alone to see the signs of someone who just wanted to be left by themselves.

 

"...I'm just going to finish this one off...  And then head off myself."  Kotori seemed to have to drag the words out, as if she was loosing the will to speak by the moment.

 

"I'll see you tomorrow."

 

Kotori nodded and returned her attention to the sewing machine, running another line of stitching through it.

 

Nozomi paused at the door glancing back.

 

Kotori pulled the dress clear of the machine and held it up to examine her work.  She seemed to have already forgotten about Nozomi.

 

_And you know I_ _love_ _...  Pranks._

Kotori's eyes roamed over the dress as her hands caressed the material, running it back and forth through her palms.

 

 _In fact, I bet you all talk about how I like to play them on_ _her_ _all of time, right?_

It clicked as Nozomi watched Kotori, as she saw how wide her eyes were even if the rest of her features were cold.

 

There had been something between the two, the kind of moment that would drive Umi to desperation.  She had called Eli, desperate to grasp whatever had happened, looking for someone to tell her not to worry, that it was nothing.

 

But standing here, Nozomi could see that it was far from that.  It was in the way Kotori's eyes saw something more in the fabric she held, the way her hand caressed a blue ribbon that trailed from the dress...

 

...A longing.  

 

Nozomi turned away.

 

********************

 

Back home there was nothing to do.  Still nothing from Eli either.  She tried to put it aside but at some point during the day Nozomi had became aware that she was unconsciously checking her phone every few minutes.  She was still doing it now.  She considered sending Eli a text under the pretence of checking on her absence but relented...  She wasn't totally sure why, there was just the unerring sense that something bad would come of it.  Perhaps Eli would find her over-bearing, after all, it was only one day off from school; hold off on the emergency choppers just yet. 

 

For a while she paced the evening away, treading through speculations on her friends and their current romantic entanglements; Nico, she had all kinds of trouble on her hands but Nozomi expected her to pull through as long as she put the theatrics aside every now and then.  She was capable when she calmed down.

 

Hanayo, wasn't she just the sweetest?  Her and Rin might as well have just got married the first day they met.  No problems there.

 

Kotori...  Now that one was thorny... 

 

Nozomi decided that she was going to pick her moment carefully to have a little chat with Umi.  There certainly room for some creative Toujou involvement there.

 

Nozomi glanced the clock every now and then as the sun set and the moon became ever clearer in the sky.  Still nothing.  Still nothing to do.

 

She strode towards the front door.  On a side table was the mail she had collected earlier.  She sifted through it quickly, just junk.

 

Then something caught her eye in mix.

 

She pulled a letter clear, it had her name and address hand-written.  It took Nozomi a moment to realise that it was her mother's handwriting.

 

She tossed the other mail in the trash and then sliced the envelope open.  Inside was another envelope along with a short note from her mother.  It read:

 

**Dear Nozomi,**

**I hope you're well.  Your father sends his best wishes.  He said he would call you sometime over the next week or two.**

**Attached is a letter that forwarded to multiple addresses, leaving a trail of many of my and your father's previous addresses over the last year.  I haven't opened it but it appears to be from one of your old schools.  Do fill me in when next we speak.**

**Regards,**

**Your Mother.**

That seemed about right, Nozomi thought, grimacing at the tone of the correspondence.

She put the letter aside and examine the envelope mentioned.  It looked rather old, several minor split across the edge of the envelope.  It was addressed to her by name, to an old address (along with several forwarding addresses added), and the return address was indeed a school she had attended some years ago when she had been moving around Japan with her parents regularly.

 

She opened the envelope to find another note and folded letter that was sealed.  The note read:

 

**Dear Nozomi,**

**You may or may not remember what this is.**

**As part of a lesson in composition, your class wrote letters to your future selves.  As per instructions at the time, we are mailing these letters out now.  No one has read it since you sealed it.  We hope this letter finds you well and what you read within will bring fond memories back of your time with us at** **Oshima** **Choritsu** **Tsubaki** **Elementary School** **.**

 

**Best Regards...**

It was stamped underneath the message with the school insignia. 

 

Nozomi turned the sealed letter over in her hand.

 

Oshima...

 

That must have been...  What...  Ten years ago...

 

What could she have possibly had to say then?  She couldn't even remember writing this letter.

 

She thumbed the wax seal that kept the paper folded.  It immediately began to crumble away.

 

She paused...  And then placed the paper, along with it's counterparts back into the envelope her mother had sent.  She put it down, hesitated and then glanced at the bin.

 

After a few moments of stalemate she settled to shove the letter in one of the kitchen draws.

 

At least it was out of sight.

 

***********************

 

Sleep was evasive.  She sat up, elbows on the windowsill as she gazed out at the night sky.  It was beautiful, the stars dotting darkness in constellations that twisted and turned in her eyes.

 

Still, it didn't really mean anything right now.  It was lacking.  A waste.

 

She tapped the screen of her phone, on the sill beside her.  At this point you can guess, right?

 

Nothing.

 

It was late, but...

 

She took her phone and typed a message...

 

**Hope you're okay.**

...And sent it.

 

That was better than nothing.

 

It was going to be a long night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Probably won't update next until the end of the month. A few things on. Hopefully I'll be able to tinker away on a new chapter in the meantime. As always, thanks for reading!


	3. Strange Weather

Eli had re-appeared the next day without comment.  Nozomi hadn't pried.  Neither of them brought it up.  It was as if the day hadn't even occurred.

 

Autumn passed in a haze.

 

Eli's visits to Nozomi's apartment were less frequent and they involved actual studying.  With books.

 

There were moments, of course.  Even if something unspoken had subdued the lust between them it was still there, rearing with fangs bared from a lingering touch or look.

 

But it wasn't the same. 

 

Nozomi didn't make any jokes.  There was no laughter.  Instead, as they laid together, drained and drowning into the sheets, Nozomi found herself clinging to Eli.  It would take her a while to let go.

 

For her part, Eli obviously noticed the absence of Nozomi's quips and it would seem, missed them.  She tried to fill the void but she could never find the words to stir a chuckle from either of them.

 

It just wasn't funny.

 

They weren't...

 

Nozomi wasn't sure, she found it hard to focus on the matter of her lover.

 

But she wasn't blind.  In her dreams she could see it...  Taste it, a bitterness on her tongue...  They were falling apart.

 

She woke up with a dry mouth, the same taste lingering until she washed it out.

 

She knew.  Felt it.  Saw it.  Heard it.  _She knew_.

 

Life moved on.

 

They sailed through the first round of preliminaries.  Or Nozomi did.  Everyone else was on tenterhooks.

 

She remembered the morning of the results.  That had been the only moment to hit home.  Honoka had frantically told them about a dream she had where they had failed to qualify, as she simultaneously told them how the same dream was being re-created at present...

 

...Until they passed into the final preliminary round.

 

 _That girl_ , honestly.

 

In-between, most days were passed alone.  Even when she was with her friends there was a palpable barrier of separation.  It was a cold and creeping reminder of her life before Otonokizaka.

 

Perhaps it was of her own making, Nozomi ruminated on some days.  She thought about the way Hanayo had looked at her, the intimidation and the divide. There were some things you couldn't change, only perpetuate.  Nozomi kept telling herself that...  _You are who you are._

 

She tried to distract herself with the blossoming romances of the girls.  She poked and prodded here and there but with her most concerning case, the KotoUmi ticking time-bomb, she never found the right moment to step in and have her promised chat with Umi.

 

That was, until it came to her...

 

********************

 

Nozomi had been studying late in the library.  Well...  She had been staring at the same page, re-reading the same sentence for most of the evening but it was the effort (read: time elapsed) that counted.

 

While walking back through the school building a faint sound had caught her ear.  She paused and then cautiously continued.  The sound became distinct as she closed in the source; someone was crying.

 

Nozomi came to a classroom with the door slightly ajar, inside the muffled sound of weeping echoed out.

 

She gently slid the door halfway open and peered inside.  The identity of her weeping maiden was a surprise...  Or perhaps it made a kind of sense.

 

Nozomi slipped inside and silently padded towards Umi.  She was sat at the back of the classroom, face buried in her arms upon the desk.  Nozomi grabbed a near-by chair and drew it up next to Umi.  She sat down as the tear-stained girl peered up at her.

 

"Wha...  N-Nozomi..?"

 

Her voice sounded so fragile.  A world away from the normal authoritative tone.

 

"Hey."  Nozomi whispered.

 

"I'm...  Um... Just a...  Minute."  She was sniffling back more tears.

 

Umi looked as she sounded; eyes red, hair all askew, nothing holding together.

 

Nozomi wanted a witticism, something to crack the bleakness written all over Umi's face.  Anything...

 

...Nothing.

 

Instead she put a hand on Umi's shoulder, squeezing gently.

 

"...Sorry..." Umi sobbed, desperately trying to pull herself together.

 

It was the last thing Nozomi had ever expected.  She had always imagined any intervention with Umi would be effort of perseverance in coaxing out the most minute emotional admission.  Instead, here it all was, exposed, denial long since discarded.

 

"You don't have to apologize to me."  Nozomi felt Umi shudder.

 

Umi slipped, a fresh wave of tears broke through.  She made another desperate attempt to draw herself up and regain her composure. 

 

It was like watching a building shake between swings of the wrecking ball.

 

Nozomi pulled her into an embrace.

 

Umi fell apart immediately.  Nozomi felt her arms cling as her hands grasped for something solid.  Her face was against Nozomi's chest, the tears staining her shirt.

 

"I understand."

 

_Do you?_

 

Yeah.  It was all there, a clear picture in her mind.

 

She just held Umi for awhile. 

 

The sun had set when she looked up.

 

This was all starting to get a bit heavy on melancholy, the thought crossed Nozomi's mind. 

 

She took a deep breath and then it let it out slowly.

 

She squeezed Umi.  For a few moments nothing happened, then she felt Umi begin to shift.  Then came a slight struggle.

 

"Get off."  Came the muffled demand.

 

At least the crying had stopped.

 

Nozomi held on.  Umi's face was trapped deep in Nozomi's considerable cleavage; a place many a girl had dreamed of resting their head, she would tell you.  

 

"Get off."  She was rocking against Nozomi now.

 

"No."  Nozomi replied.  "I'm never letting go.  This is it, it's me and you now."

 

"What are you talking about?  Let go of me!"

 

"I think we both knew it was always going to be this way."  Nozomi murmured wistfully.

 

"What!?  No!  Stop this..."

 

"There's no need to pretend anymore.  I've always caught you watching me getting changed.  I liked having your eyes on me."

 

"I have never..!"

 

"Let's runaway together!"

 

Umi finally broke free of Nozomi's embrace.  She quickly pulled back, almost falling off of her chair.

 

"This..!  This is..."

 

It only took a quick glance at how flustered Umi was to set Nozomi off.  She began to shake as the giggles broke through.

 

"...S-s-shameless!"

 

Nozomi burst out laughing.  The sight of Umi's indignant stare only spurred her on.  She laughed so hard her ribs began to ache.

 

"I'm... s-sorry..."  She managed after initial burst.  "It's just...  Umi...  You're irreplaceable."

 

Umi stood up abruptly and looked down at Nozomi, pouring scorn.

 

"I'm not here for your amusement."  She snapped.

 

The anger brought some life back to her features, Nozomi noticed.  It was an improvement.

 

"Let's walk back to the station.  Then we can part with a kiss."  Nozomi suggested.

 

"I hardly think I should..."

 

"Would you really let a helpless, innocent young lady like myself walk alone at night?"  Nozomi interjected.

 

"I would take pity on whoever tried to accost you."  Umi parried, taking up her bag as she prepared to leave.

 

"You don't mean that!"  Nozomi called out as she chased after Umi's swift departure.

 

When she caught up Umi kept trying to quicken the pace to getaway.  When they emerged from the school Nozomi was practically jogging to keep up.

 

As they approached the school-ground's exit Umi finally gave up, stopping abruptly and sighing loudly.

 

Nozomi came alongside her.  "Hey pal!"  She chimed.

 

"For a moment back there I thought you were being sincere."  Umi glared at her tormentor.

 

"I'm always sincere."  Nozomi replied with a wide smile.

 

"Pah!"  Umi snarled. 

 

"Pah!"  Nozomi agreed with gusto.

 

Umi rolled her eyes and set off again at a brisk pace.

 

Her attempted evasion of Nozomi fell apart at the station, where she was forced to wait on the platform with said pursuer.  Her train was still five minutes away, with Nozomi's following a few minutes afterwards. 

 

Nozomi slowly edged up alongside Umi.  The second-year watched her all the way, huffing and puffing her displeasure under her breath.

 

"Rough night?"  Nozomi asked with a knowing look.

 

"Very funny."

 

"I hear you."  Nozomi shrugged.  "Life, right?  I mean..."

 

"Please be quiet."  Umi stepped away.

 

"...I mean...  What can you do?"  Nozomi shrugged again.

 

Umi turned to Nozomi suddenly, her teeth bared and eyes on edge.

 

"Why?  Why do you keep talking?  What..?  Is it funny to..."  Umi paused and grimaced, an attempt at masking her emotions.

 

"Better to be angry than sad."  Nozomi offered with a chuckle.

 

Umi glared at her, her stare growing in intensity for a few moments.

 

"You are _so right._ "  She finally said, spitting the words at Nozomi.

 

Nozomi genuinely thought Umi was going to strike her for a moment.

 

"Now, if you can just _pop-up_ every time I...  Every time I make things worst..."

 

She seemed to visibly deflate as the emotional malady that had afflicted her came back into focus.

 

Funny how quickly she shifted, Nozomi thought as she watched Umi's eyes drift into the distance.

 

"I'm not omniscient.  I'll try but I can't promise anything."

 

"...Such a shame..."  Umi mumbled.

 

She looked so defeated all of a sudden.

 

Weighs you down, Nozomi supposed...  Well, she knew it.  Felt something similar.

 

"If you could make it right, would you?"  Nozomi asked.

 

"Of course."  Umi turned to her.

 

"How would you do it?"

 

"I..."  Umi paused.

 

She kept opening her mouth, as if willing the words to come out, but there was nothing but silence.

 

Something about the way she looked then...  It reminded her of Eli as she had tried to make excuses to explain why she had lied to her sister about her whereabouts, grasping at something that wasn't there.

 

The memory inspired a great loneliness.  It was vast and it dwarfed her...  But it was familiar.

 

Nozomi had to shake herself back to the present.

 

_Say something._

 

"Nothing too elaborate...  What would you admit?  What could you do?"  Nozomi felt her gaze drift as she spoke, her eyes gliding along the rail tracks...

 

She was going somewhere far away.  Somewhere she had never been before.  Off into the night, into the great unknown.

 

"...I...  I don't know."  Umi's voice kept a part of Nozomi tied back there on the platform.

 

"...For a start...  If you can't admit it to yourself then that's the first step.  You can't do anything until then."

 

Hollow digital chimes echoes across the platform, preceding the announcement that Umi's train was about to pull into the station.

 

Nozomi glanced across at Umi.  She was on the edge of tears again. 

 

As the hard grinding sound of the train's breaks cut across the platform Nozomi put an arm around her shoulders and pulled her in.

 

"Whatever happens, at least we'll always have tonight."  She kissed Umi on the cheek.

 

Umi jumped and turned to Nozomi with wide eyes.

 

"I'll never forget you."  Nozomi whispered.

 

"W-we'll see each other tomorrow...  Won't we..?"

 

"It won't be the same..."

 

A whistle sounded across the platform.  Umi snapped back to her surroundings.  She bolted, making it onto the train just before the doors closed.

 

As the train began to pull away, Nozomi saw her emerge into the carriage.  Umi turned to look at Nozomi through the window but didn't seem to know quite what to do.

 

Nozomi blew her a kiss goodnight.

 

*********************

 

Later that night Nozomi paced restlessly around her flat.  It was a routine by now.

 

Idly, she pulled her deck of tarot cards from her school blazer, hung up by the door, and examined the deck.

 

One of her favourite past times was to pull out bizarre cards and make even bizarrer readings or predictions to mess with the girls when the opportunity presented itself.  As a result she carried around what would generously be called a hybrid deck, though in fact was really just an odd, ever-growing assortment of tarot cards that Nozomi happened by.

 

She flipped through the deck and sorted it, cutting it down to the major arcana.  She shuffled it a few times and then took six cards, laying them face-down on the kitchen counter.

 

For a while, she did nothing.  Just alternated between staring at the pattern on the back of the cards and the blank screen of her phone, unadorned with any announcement or messages.

 

She would act like nothing had happened tomorrow.  That would mess with Umi, maybe even distract her.  It would be pretty funny.  Everyone was a winner.

 

Nozomi shook her head.  Geez, she really was all over the place.  Nothing stuck and she always seemed to be _waiting_ lately...

 

She turned the first card over.

 

_The Star._

It was reversed.  Strange, Nozomi couldn't recall any of the cards being upside down a moment ago.  She turned the next two cards over.

 

_The Tower._

_The Hermit._

 

Her phone pinged with a text, distracting her.  It was Nico.  Nozomi had enquired earlier where her extra dance practise with Maki would be tomorrow.

 

 **Nico:** You don't need to know and you can't come anyway.  Nico's word is law.

 

Nozomi chuckled.

 

 **Nozomi:** I just want to learn from the best.  Don't exclude me, Nicocchi.

 

The reply was immediate.

 

 **Nico:** Nice try.  NO.

 

 **Nozomi:** I get it.  You want Maki-chan all alone...

 

She loaded the text with an assortment of emoticons and then, after the text was sent, continued to send a 'heart' or 'wink' icon every few seconds to bug and interrupt Nico as she tried to type her undoubtedly sardonic reply.

 

 **Nico:**   Nico's glad you understand.  Good night. 

 

_Well...  That wasn't supposed to happen._

Nozomi frowned at the text.  Maybe she was losing her touch?  After all, Umi was easy prey.

 

 **Nico:** ~Nico♫~

 

That did it.  No one stopped Nozomi from having her fun.  Now Nico was going to have to pay.  Or pay more than usual...  Basically, nothing had changed.  Nozomi was just more determined to wreck havoc.

 

With that resolve in place, she decided to make it an early night.

 

*********************

 

To clarify, Maki had been taking extra chorography sessions with Nico for the last month or so.  It had been at the heart of the conflict on the roof at the end of last summer, and it had been Eli's decision (kind of) with some help (... _kind of_ ) from Nozomi.

 

It was a little off-hand scheme designed to throw Nico and Maki together.  And while Nozomi wasn't one to brag, especially considering she hadn't put much thought into it, it had worked out pretty well.  She'd already tricked Nico into revealing that they had become a couple a few weeks ago.

 

Officially, much to Nico's fast-burning fury (sadly, Maki was totally oblivious to the implication - honestly.  No, honestly.), Nozomi had termed the extra practise as _Nicocchi's private one-on-one sessions_.  The girls had eventually starting referring to them as such, mostly because Nozomi would always correct them if they didn't.  And she could be persistent.

 

They weren't really private though.  One of the girls often stopped by, and tonight Nozomi was planning to make her long-awaited debut.  Unfortunately for Nico, there wasn't much she could do to stop her; which made it even more delicious.

 

They weren't hard to find up on the roof after school.  Nozomi wasn't sure what the other girls were doing but she was sure they could manage without her for one night.  She needed some good old-fashioned Nicocchi-fuelled entertainment. 

 

And it was for the greater good, of course.  Everything Nozomi did was for her friends.  But anyway...

 

First, the approach.

 

Unnoticed in the roof doorway, she watched Nico and Maki warm up.  It only took a few moments for her to realise what was happening; Maki was teasing Nico.  As she stretched and stepped their way through a warm-up, Maki kept leaning into Nico.  It was fairly innocuous stuff but it was clear that she was using any and every opportunity to brush against Nico, even in the slightest way.

 

Nozomi licked her lips.  A plan was coming together.

 

She made her presence known once they had finished warming up.  Nico immediately told her to get lost, but her voice was heavy with resignation.  No dice, and she knew it.

 

Nozomi warmed up slowly, stealing glances where she could.  The plan had taken root in her mind.  She waited patiently for the opportunity to speak to Maki alone.

 

Nico was obviously wary of her, and Nozomi's relative silence only put her further on edge.  Every time she snapped at Maki for making a mistake she would turn and glare at Nozomi, as if daring her to comment.  That it made her totally oblivious to Maki's attempted displays of physical affection only tickled Nozomi further.

 

She cornered Maki when they took a break, Nico momentarily disappearing to get a drink.

 

"So..."  Nozomi winked and smirked.

 

Maki eyed her.  "Nico said you would be like this."  She noted.

 

"Like what?"  Nozomi asked, acting oblivious to any insinuation.

 

Maki was about to reply when Nozomi cut in, suddenly aggrieved.  "Wait, why would you need to Nicocchi to tell you that?  Haven't we shared some adventures together?  Rode some emotional roller-coasters, the two of us?"

 

Maki hesitated, unsure and caught between two replies.

 

Nozomi waved it away, quickly getting back on track. 

 

" _What_ am I talking about?  Forget about _that_.  I'm just here to help out my best pal."

 

"This should be good."  Maki commented dryly.

 

"It _could_ be _great_ if you'd just help me help you."

 

"Nozomi..."  Maki rolled her eyes.

 

"I was just watching you two go at it and I found myself thinking - 'Maki really knows how to use her body'.  You know what I'm talking about?"

 

Maki froze.  A deer in the headlights.  It was almost a little bit too much too soon, Nozomi had a real struggle to keep a straight face.

 

"But you know how Nicocchi is when she's got her game face on.  _I_ think you need to take it up a notch."

 

Maki was looking everywhere but at Nozomi.

 

"I-I...  No, what..?  I...  No...  What?  What?  That's...  No."

 

"I understand if you don't want my help...  I just liked you and Nicochi together..."  Nozomi left it to dangle.

 

"H-hang on..."  Maki was trying to fight through the vivid blush she had descended into.  "...I'm not...  Me and Nico-chan...  Not, we're not..."

 

"Of course."  Nozomi gave a friendly chuckle and shoved Maki playfully.

 

Maki laughed abruptly and loudly in response.  She almost made Nozomi jump.

 

"Of course.  Of course, you know...  Of course.  Of...  Course."  Maki seemed to be alternating between nodding, shrugging and shaking her head as she spoke, seemingly unaware of her contradictory body language.

 

"Of course."  Nozomi gave her a sly wink as she nodded along.  "But."  Nozomi raised a hand, as if to signal Maki.  "...But...  Maybe you just want to joke around, huh?"  She continued in a hushed voice.

 

Maki leaned in, as if she were being sucked in by Nozomi's sudden shift in tone.

 

"We all like to mess with Nicocchi, right?  I mean, looks who's talking."  Nozomi chuckled, gesturing to herself.  "Right?"

 

Another abrupt burst of laughter from Maki did make Nozomi flinch this time.

 

"Right?  Yeah!  We all love to...  M-mess around...  Because Nico-chan is so...  So..."  Maki's sudden burst of enthusiasm trailed off into another deep blush.

 

Nozomi put a calming hand on her shoulder.

 

"You're reading my mind."  Nozomi smiled.

 

Maki smiled in turn.  Nozomi smiled again.  She was pleased.  This was going well.

 

********************

 

Nozomi knew her fun and games only played out because Maki was high on her crush.  And falling hard at the same time.  It was sweet.

 

For the rest of the session she got to watch Maki practically throw herself at Nico at every opportunity.  She wasn't sure if Nico realised, what with being so caught up in the worship of her most reverent profession.  Or perhaps she was just stubbornly ignoring what was happening, either out of commitment to her work or because she had a hunch of Nozomi's influence.

 

Nozomi wanted to believe it was the former.  That seemed the most consistent for super idol Nico Nico-Ni.

 

For the next few days Maki would corner Nozomi for a few moments at a time or text her with little ideas on how to handle Nico; ideas that Nozomi would only fuel to an extreme degree.

 

Needless to say, it was good fun.

 

It was a good cause as well, or something like that.

 

Nozomi even helped Nico tell the rest of the group about her relationship with Maki one afternoon in the clubroom.  They laughed, they cried.  Nico even admitted that she was her best friend.  Good times.

 

But that was another story.  And this story is all about the moment.  Seizing the moment, and Nozomi was all about that.

 

So with the NicoMaki fire well-and-truly burning, Nozomi decided to turn her attention back to the thorniest μ's couple.

 

********************

 

The opening act in Nozomi's next attempt at meddling came during a club meeting to decide how to prepare for the next round of preliminaries; their final showdown with A-RISE.

 

The opportunity was provided by none other than the most recent target of her scheming, Nico, when she suggested the girls try writing a new song for the occasion.

 

"I think we should try a love song."  Nozomi interjected, eyeing Umi as the beginnings of a plot weaved its way into her mind.

 

She didn't need to force the issue however, as Hanayo suddenly launched into one of her furious idol rants in support of the idea and no one was too keen on trying to derail that freight-train.

 

Besides, the idea had merit.

 

The right amount of force with a twist of logic.  It was classic Toujou taking form...

 

...And it seemed that Eli knew it as well.

 

"Nozomi..."  She glanced at Nozomi curiously.

 

Nozomi momentarily threw her off with a faint smile.

 

She just needed to hit the ignition before anyone could second-guess her.  And wouldn't you know it, Honoka and Kotori did it for her.

 

"Why haven't we had any love songs up until now, though?"  Honoka wondered aloud.

 

"...That's because..."  Kotori turned to Umi with a painfully neutral expression.

 

"Wh-why are you looking at me like that!?"  Umi stumbled back, her eyes swinging wildly around the group.

 

"You've never been in a relationship, have you?"  Nozomi pointed out.

 

Ah yes...  Nozomi felt the sweet satisfaction of her trap springing.

 

For a moment, Umi shot her a murderous look, but as she tried to refute the claim she was sandbagged by the rest of the girls demanding details.

 

The rest, as they say, was history.

 

********************

 

Nozomi had her way for the next few days, leading the girls on a spectacular love-fuelled odyssey; a series of activities she claimed were designed to bring out their romantic sensibilities and inspire the group's writing process.

 

When you consider that most of the girls were actually in love with _each other_ , regardless of whether they had admitted it yet, that made for some comedy gold.

 

And don't you worry, Nozomi was there to catch it all on camera.

 

Unfortunately she never quite got the chance to shove Umi and Kotori together, mostly because Nico and Maki kept trying to one-up each other.  Nozomi supposed that of all the things to get in her way, that was at least the most amusing.

 

Something else crept up on her as well.  Eli turned out to be the staunchest supporter for the idea of love song.  In fact, she seemed to go to extreme lengths to bully any dissenters (Mostly just Maki; in fairness she would actually have to write the music) towards Nozomi's cause.

 

All Nozomi could think was - _why?_

While Eli had her dense side (like all lovable girls do) she knew Nozomi too well to run head-long into one of her pranks (most of the time anyway).  There was something else...

 

It got to the point where she was even more pushy than Nozomi.  If they couldn't figure out in school then they would meet on the weekend, Eli had declared.

 

...She wasn't indulging Nozomi's tendency to play matchmaker (and have little fun on the side).  It was something more...

 

As the two of them walked home that evening Nozomi decided to try puzzling it out.

 

"Elichi, You're being rather bossy about my awesome love song idea?  Did I inspire you?"

 

She paused on a street corner and Eli stopped a few paces ahead her.  She turned around, there was a smile on her lips that spoke of a private joke.

 

"I'm just doing what I want."

 

"You're bewildering our juniors.  Poor Umi is bedazzled by all this talk of romance."

 

Eli raised an eyebrow.

 

"Well, I can't take credit for that...  but I think this is something you've always wanted to do, so I think we should see it through."

 

_Something I've always wanted..?  What the hell does that mean?_

 

Before she had a chance to clarify, Eli ran up to her, thrust a sweet into her hand and then turned back before running away.  

 

Nozomi spent the rest of the journey home in a daze.

 

_...Something you've always wanted to do..._

Were they really thinking about the same thing?

 

_What was that crafty little fox up to?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of the stuff Nozomi talks about in this chapter covers the second half of Dance, Dance, Dance and the events around chapters 3 and 4 in I Could Be There For You.
> 
> I came across this a few days ago when someone re-blogged it. Now it's how I define young Nozomi...
> 
> http://shidouitsuka.tumblr.com/post/87145980972


	4. You Have It All To Lose

As it turned out, Eli was driving at something close to Nozomi's heart, even if she hasn't understood it at the time.

 

Things become a little bit segmented at this point.

 

You see, that Sunday brought some emphatic changes to the group, but it was actually the following night...

 

...Well, first let's cover the weekend.  After all, the best stories always come with a side-dish of hot gossip.  And Nozomi was nothing if not a steady supply of all the goss. 

 

Okay, so the weekend and Eli and all that stuff.  Let's skim through that first.

 

Basically, they all met at Honoka's.  On the surface it was to discuss the proposition of a love song further, but really it just turned into another source of chuckles for Nozomi.  Mostly they came at the expense of Kotori and Umi, but don't you forget that they had it coming, Nozomi had been gunning for those two for a while now.

 

The highlight of the meeting was when Umi spazzed out after seeing a couple (nearly) kiss while they were all watching a romantic drama for _inspiration_.  Hey, Nozomi didn't suggest the film...  Not directly anyway....

 

So there was that.

 

Then Maki started mouthing off about the whole idea.  Typical Maki. 

 

Yeah, okay.  Nozomi could see her point.  Most of the work was going to get dumped on her, and it was pretty close to the next performance.  And you know, she needed all of that free time to develop a sense of humour at some point soon.  Or so Nozomi hoped.

 

But then Eli got sour and started trying to talk everyone back around.

 

Honestly, the whole thing was becoming a drama so Nozomi tried to play it down, conceding that it was probably just best left as an idea and nothing more.

 

But you know with these girls that _nothing_ just got left alone.

 

So on the way home Maki caught up with her and Eli for twenty questions.  And so on it went.  They ended up at Nozomi's and Eli started blabbing.  Turns out she had misinterpreted Nozomi's mischief as an attempt to bring everyone together to group-write a song.

 

It sounded kind of crazy at first...  But weren't Nozomi's hijinks always bringing people together? 

 

_...Kind of..?_

 

So maybe it wasn't that far off the mark.  And Nozomi would admit that she got a little sentimental.  Because, yeah, she hadn't always been exactly surrounded by...

 

Well, you know all that.  You've probably heard this part of the story before; lonely youth, constantly moving around...  You know...  They weren't exactly the good ol' days by any stretch.  And now she had friends, some pretty colourful characters...

 

Yeah, all that.

 

And of course, now that Maki had progressed beyond having the emotional depth of a turnip (thanks Nico), after that sob story she was suddenly all systems go on the whole idea.  Next thing she knew, Maki and Eli were sending out a μ's SOS.

 

They all came running.  There was some bonding.  It was nice.  Nozomi wasn't going to deny it.

 

She managed to get a few moments alone with Kotori as well.  In fact, Umi arrived just as they finished talking.  She answered the door, after hearing the buzzer, to find Umi waiting, looking vaguely impatient.

 

Nozomi immediately engulfed her in a hug.  For a few moments Umi withstood, then she began to fidget.

 

"Please don't do this again."  She mumbled into Nozomi's ear.

 

"Oh, Umi!"  Nozomi squealed into Umi's ear, causing her to shudder.  "Saving the best for last."

 

"What does that mean?"  Umi queried, carefully trying to disentangle herself from Nozomi in vain.

 

"You're the last to arrive, but also my _favourite_."

 

"I'm sorry I'm late, I didn't realize..."  Umi launched into a formal apology.

 

"No, no."  Nozomi cut her off.  "What matters now is that you're here.  With me."

 

Umi stared straight ahead, arms at her sides as she continued to endure Nozomi's embrace.

 

"Can you please get off me now?"

 

"Just a little longer..."

 

"Nozomi, what are you doing to her?"  Eli appeared in the doorway behind Nozomi.

 

"Eli..."  Umi smiled, her previous stoicism evaporating.  "Could you please assist me?"

 

Eli put a hand on Nozomi's shoulder, gently pulling her back.

 

"Always so handsy..."  She murmured.  There was even a little smirk there, just for Nozomi.

 

"I just care.  A lot.  Is that a crime?"  Nozomi shot back.

 

Umi rolled her eyes.  "At least I have one reliable senpai."

 

"Eli's right here, Umi.  You could stand to be a little more subtle...  But I'm glad you appreciate me."

 

Umi rolled her eyes again and Eli giggled.

 

"And Nicocchi's just inside."  She raised her voice just enough to make the bait apparent.

 

"What was that about Nico?"  A voice called out from beyond the entrance hallway without missing a beat.

 

"Nothing!"  Nozomi called back.

 

Nico's head immediately popped out from around the corner of the hallway, peering down at them by the front door.

 

"It had better not be anything slanderous, Nico has a glowing reputation to uphold."  She fixed Nozomi with a piercing glare.

 

"Could you pay attention for, like, five seconds?"  Maki's voice could be heard grumbling from the room beyond Nico.

 

Nico turned back inside for a moment.  "Nico is always paying attention.  _To everything_."  She snapped before turning back to the doorway. 

 

"I think Nico is the best senpai you could ask for.  She already has one junior admirer."  Eli proffered with a easy smile.

 

Nico eyed her for a moment and then smiled as well.  "You're not as stupid as you look."  She noted before disappearing back into the living room.

 

Nozomi began to laugh as Eli frowned.

 

"Well, this has been...  Illuminating.  I'll be going home now."  Umi glanced between her two seniors.

 

"No way."  Nozomi quickly latched onto Umi again.  "There's a pretty girl inside who's been _dying_ to see you all night."  She whispered in Umi's ear as she dragged her inside.  

 

*********************

 

The rest of the night...  She felt loved.  Maybe that seems like an odd thing for someone like Nozomi to say.  It probably was.  But there you have it.  Like Nozomi had said - _colourful characters_.

 

Anyway, and far more importantly, Kotori ended up breaking through that dense Sonoda shell. 

 

It was a gorgeous moment. 

 

They had all ran outside when it had started snowing, at first together as they all gazed up into the night sky, a piece of the song they wanted to create falling into place for each of them.  Then Nozomi had noticed Umi drift off from the group.  She had gently pulled the gaggle of girls back as they watched Kotori move away to confront her.  They had all strained their ears, trying to listen in on the would-be couple.

 

It had been hard not to cheer when they had finally kissed.  Nozomi, in particular, had felt a sense of gratification at the sight.

 

Actually, they did cheer when the couple rejoined them.  Kotori was glowing, Umi didn't seem to be aware of anything beyond her. 

 

And then she did it. 

 

It wasn't even the worst part, that's still to come.

 

Maybe the moment got to her.

 

"Elichi."  The name slipped so softly off her tongue.

 

She turned to look at Nozomi.

 

Her cheeks were crested with a faint red from the cold. 

 

There was snow glistening and glittering from her tumbling blonde tumbling locks.  

 

Those baby blues...  They were so wide. 

 

Nozomi could feel herself falling into them.

 

She was heading towards those lips she knew so well.

 

At the last minute she managed to swerve the beautiful disaster she had willingly been about to fall into.  She collapsed against Eli's chest instead.  Instinctively, the blonde's arms wrapped around her.

 

She shut her eyes tightly as she was enveloped by Eli.  In her mind, there was the minor relief that Kotori had provided enough of a distraction for her to get away with this.

 

But she risked a glance to one side anyway.

 

She saw Nico watching her.  It was difficult to make out her expression beyond the snowflakes dancing through the air.  Regardless, she had _seen_.

 

She let go of Eli and picked herself up.  Just a few moments short.

 

Always just a few moments short of what she wanted it to be.

 

*********************

 

The trials Toujou Nozomi, huh?  Maybe she'd look back on it and laugh years later.

 

So, the next day, Monday.  When things _really_ got interesting...

 

Nothing happened.

 

Technically, that's because it all kicked off at 2 AM the following morning.

 

Look, cut Nozomi a little slack.  She wasn't exactly a winner of the lottery of life at this point.

 

Anyway...

 

Tuesday morning.  Nozomi hadn't been a fan of Tuesday mornings up until that point, and nothing that happened then would change her mind.

 

Actually, some stuff did happen on Monday but it didn't really concern Nozomi.  It's just...  It would have been remiss of her to say _nothing_ happened.  Because Kotori and Umi, huh?  You know that there was some terribly important, nay - v _ital_ gossip being made there...

 

...Not buying it?

 

Okay.  Let's get back to Tuesday morning...  You know, if you _really_ didn't want to hear about some KotoUmi antics...  Yikes, well if you've really got that much of a taste for bitterness then strap in, it only gets grimmer from here on out...

 

...And all angsty. 

 

Nozomi would have chosen Kotori and Umi.  She's just saying.

 

...

 

So Tuesday morning.

 

Monday night had been restless.  Sleep was not forthcoming. 

 

Nozomi beckoned the waking night.  It was a familiar friend by this point.

 

A whole lot of nothing for a few hours, and then...

 

Her phone pinged with a messaged.  Nozomi jumped.

 

Almost cautiously, she leaned over to her bedside table and picked it up, clicking on the message to fully examine it.

 

 **Eli:** i ammm on' my weyyyyyyyyyyyy

 

Nozomi took a deep breath.  Her spider-sense was tingling and then some.

 

There was only two reasons Eli _ever_ sent a text with incorrect grammar or punctuation of any kind.

 

1)  She was testing Nozomi.  If she didn't find the error and point it out then she would hear about it later, in detail.

 

But that was always a slight, deceptive error.  No, this only pointed to the second terrifying conclusion...

 

2)  Eli was drunk.

 

Let that settle in for a moment.  Nozomi certainly needed it to.

 

The modest A-grade student you knew and loved, she was long gone now.  In her place, something terrible this way came.

 

Nozomi took another deep breath.  The how and why of what was happening didn't matter anymore, just that it _was_ happening.

 

She considered sending a reply but Nozomi knew from previous experience that it would only serve as further provocation.

 

_You need to get up and get moving._

Nozomi dressed quickly and began to prowl her apartment, keeping her ears sharp for anything at the front door.  She knew she needed to be quick, she had to get Eli inside _as soon as she arrived_.  Otherwise she would wake up the entire block.

 

This had happened twice before.  All the money in the world would not unlock Nozomi's lips to reveal what had taken place on those two nights.

 

...And remember, this was Nozomi.

 

There was a bang at the front door and Nozomi was there in a flash.  She lunged at the door handle, pulled it open and grabbed at Eli, who was already flailing at her, and pulled her in.  She slammed the door shut as Eli fell to the floor, already trying to drag Nozomi down with her.

 

Jesus, she could already smell the vodka on her breath.  It permeated her like a fog.

 

"Elichi, Elichi, you need to calm down."  Nozomi started in vain.

 

Eli blinked several times and looked up at Nozomi.  Her jaw locked into a terrible scowl.

 

"Clothes!  Why are you wearing clothes!?"  Eli groaned loudly, falling back again, as if into a long-standing personal torment.

 

Nozomi managed, not without incident, to half carry half drag Eli into the living room.  She put her down on the couch.  Unfortunately she couldn't detach herself because Eli's hands were all over her, tugging roughly at her shirt.

 

"What colour underwear!?"  Eli demanded.

 

Nozomi managed to momentarily restrain her, grasping at her wrists for a short reprieve.

 

"Why couldn't you be a charming drunk?"  Nozomi wondered aloud.

 

"I AM CHARmin'."  Eli blurted out, desperately trying to free her hands. 

 

"Really?  It looks like someone needs to brush up on the art of seduction."  Nozomi chuckled.

 

This particular moment was important for Nozomi.  It would forever serve as a important reminder of her greatest weakness...  Though she never really did get over the habit of admiring her own quips a little bit too much, to the point of distraction.

 

In that moment, Eli shifted her hips and pulled Nozomi forward, freeing her hands.  In a split second she was on top, hands everywhere as she straddled Nozomi, her lips hungrily latching onto Nozomi's neck.

 

_Fucking.  Hell._

 

Nozomi felt her entire body pulse and throb.  It was something she had missed for so long.  It felt...  Oh god...  It was...

 

_...Oh no..._

 

She needed to pull herself back to reality.  This was wrong.  She couldn't let this happen.  She cared too much about Eli to let this happen, to let her wake up in regret.

 

But the blood rush was overwhelming, her body just _reacted_.  There was a desire present that overwrote everything.

 

How long had it been?  The memories were fleeting.  The last few months, the last few times had been so lacklustre, a pale reflection of the ways they had once bended and twisted together into something sublime.

 

_Pull it together._

 

Eli's hand roamed up under her shirt before slipping under her bra.

 

Nozomi heard herself cry out.  It was not a sound indicative of a person in control.

 

And it wasn't enough, she wanted to fucking scream! 

 

Eli was certainly doing her part, her hands were rough and it was _exactly_ what Nozomi wanted.

 

"Look!  I'm following yer apartmental policy!"  Eli announced as she pulled Nozomi's shirt clear over her head.

 

Nozomi started to laugh. 

 

God, it felt so good to laugh again. 

 

" _You're_ still breaking it!"  Nozomi accused as she ran her hands under Eli's shirt and up across her back.  She dug her nails in and received a delightful squeal for her troubles.

 

 _Being honourable_... Well, it had been a nice sentiment while it had lasted.  She had really tried but the lust was in her blood now. 

 

Nozomi _needed_ this.

 

She took hold of Eli's shoulders roughly, fingers digging in tightly.  She forced Eli back because she wanted to _look_ at her before she devoured her.

 

It was just a moment. 

 

She saw Eli clearly, her eyes were wild and wide, a blue so heavenly, a snapshot of a summer's day.

 

Another moment.

 

Everything may have been different within the space of a day.  The circumstances had changed.  Still, it was just like looking at her in the snow last night.

 

Nozomi knew now why she had slipped, why she had said her name...

 

_...Elichi..._

 

She had fallen in love all over again then after trying so hard to let it fade away.

 

Begrudgingly, with that realisation, came the sense of responsibility, lumbering to the forefront of her mind.

 

Eli tried to push down but Nozomi kept her at arms length.

 

"Would you stop...  If I asked you to?"  Nozomi was gasping for breath, it took everything she had to keep Eli away.

 

"Why?"  Eli demanded, pressing hard against Nozomi's grip.

 

_Why?_

She could barely reason with herself, much less explain it to someone else.

 

She looked up at Eli and felt herself floating away into those eyes again.

 

"I just...  I want you to be here with me."

 

"I am.  I'm right here!"  Eli pressed against Nozomi's hands again, as if to re-enforce the fact.

 

"But you're not."

 

"I AM!"

 

"You don't love me...  It's not the way I feel about you..."

 

There was a startling clarity after the words had left her lips.  She blinked.  It was so obvious.

 

Eli looked away, it seemed like the first time her animalistic gaze hadn't lingered on Nozomi since she had entered the apartment.  She swayed and then fell back, sitting against the opposite arm of the couch.

 

She was mumbling something under her breath, Nozomi couldn't make it out.

 

Nozomi sat up and reached out gingerly, she laid a hand on Eli's thigh and hesitated.

 

Eli didn't react.

 

"Why were you drinking?"

 

Eli looked up and shrugged.

 

"...'s in my blood.  The Russian."  She mumbled.

 

"Elichi, come on."

 

Eli sighed loudly and leaned back over the edge of the couch.

 

Nozomi frowned.  She wasn't getting anything else out of her.

 

"Let's get you to bed."

 

"Don't wanna."  She whined.

 

Given Eli's usual relentlessness when she drunk, it was odd how she didn't even try to misinterpret that.  It was as though a switched had had been flipped, Nozomi observed.

 

"Not tired."

 

Despite that, there wasn't any resistance as Nozomi pulled her to her feet.  She led her into the bedroom and gently laid her down on top of the covers.

 

Nozomi left her alone for a few minutes, moving back into the living room to clear up.

 

Five minutes later she came back into the bedroom to the sound of Eli snoring loudly.

 

She almost laughed.

 

She switched off the lights and laid down on the other side of the bed, a space between them.

 

Suddenly the weight of everything that had happened and would happen hit her; what would they do tomorrow when Eli's family realised she wasn't home?  What were they going to do about school and everything in-between?

 

Maybe a few hours sleep would have helped but Nozomi knew that she was awake now for the long haul.

 

At least she had time to figure it out, she thought, as she reached out for Eli's hand in the dark.

 

*******************

 

She must have drifted off for about an hour because when she glanced over at her bedside table, the bold red numbers of her digital clock were just about to tick over into the alarm for school.  She reached over and turned it off in advance.

 

She'd spent most of the night mulling over what to do.  Now it was time to try and clear up the carnage left in drunk Eli's wake.

 

First she rang the school.  Judging by the sleepy voice that answered, she must have caught the first person in the office.

 

She told the guy who answered that she was in hospital; just a simple accident, she had cut her hand open last night and would be discharged later today, back in school tomorrow.

 

Thankfully he sounded to drowsy to probe much into Nozomi's simple story.  She just hoped they wouldn't request a doctor's note when she returned.

 

Lastly, she explained that due to her parents both being out of the country Eli was her emergency contact.  As a result she wouldn't be in either.

 

There was a hint of suspicion on that note but Nozomi quickly cut him off, explaining that she would get someone from Eli's family to ring and confirm.  That seemed to be the correct answer.

 

She ended the call and contemplated the next step for a few moments before getting up.  She went into the living room and found Eli's jacket where she had hung it up last night.  Her phone was inside but it was locked by a thumb-print guard.  Sleepy Eli proved an easy remedy to this problem.  Afterwards she scanned through the contacts, coming to Alisa, Eli's sister.

 

She rang the number, hoping that Alisa was already up preparing for school.

 

It seemed she was in luck, the call clicked on after a few rings.

 

"Eli?"  Alisa answered quizzically.

 

"Hey Alisa, it's Nozomi."

 

"Oh...  Hey."

 

The night of Eli's texting misdemeanour suddenly popped into Nozomi's mind.  Who knew what connotations Alisa would read into a call from Nozomi, from her sister's phone no less...  Well, there would be time to laugh about it later.

 

Nozomi quickly explained the same story she had used earlier.  It was greeted with a series of sufficiently worried sounding murmurs.

 

"It's nothing serious."  Nozomi assured her.  "I just need you to tell your grandmother where Eli is and ask if she can call the school to explain, could you do that for me?"

 

Alisa assured her that she would take care of it.  In return, Nozomi promised that Eli would home before she got back from school.

 

"She's so _stubborn_.  She won't leave until I can."  She explained.

 

Alisa sighed in agreement. 

 

You can guess how the rest went.

 

Nozomi breathed a sigh of relief when the call ended.  She'd done everything she could and the prognosis didn't look to grim.

 

She dropped Eli's phone on the nearby table and the lack of sleep seemed creep up on her all of a sudden.  Light-headed, she drifted back to her bed and sat down, leaning back against the wall.

 

She glanced to her side.  Eli was curled up, her back to Nozomi.  She had stopped snoring, there was just the faint rustle of her breathing now.

 

The gap between them seemed to loom large in Nozomi's eyes, as if a trick of perspective.

 

But it was nothing, she wasn't on the other side of the room, she was right there, barely a foot away.

 

Still, Nozomi couldn't bring herself to reach out again.  Instead she sat back and closed her eyes.

 

**********************

 

She drifted in and out of a light sleep for a time.  The room came back to focus as she heard Eli shuffling about...  and then a deep, painful groan.

 

 _That's what she gets for_ _ind_ _ulging._

Perhaps Nozomi was softer at heart than she would have liked to admit.  She got up and fetched a glass of water for Eli.  She was just starting to open her eyes when Nozomi returned. 

 

Nozomi handed her the glass and Eli took it without comment.  She chugged the water down in one go.

 

"Thanks."  She croaked.

 

She sat completely still for about a minute.  Only the rattle of her breath once again informed Nozomi that she was present as she stared at the ceiling.

 

"Oh...  Oh..."  The on-coming panic was evident even within those slight moans.

 

"Don't worry.  I've taken care of everything.  School know you're going to absent.  Your family think you're at the hospital with me, they know you'll be back later."  Nozomi explained slowly.

 

"...How?"

 

"I cut my hand open last night.  It was just stitches but they called my emergency contact... You.  You spent the night."   

 

Eli went silent again for a while.  Nozomi didn't prompt her.

 

"Am I your emergency contact?"  She asked after a minute or two.

 

"In this twisted lie I've committed us to you are."  Nozomi answered.

 

"Really, am I?"

 

Nozomi didn't say anything for a few moments.

 

"It seems like you had quite an adventure last night."

 

Eli shook her head and groaned.

 

"I don't..."

 

"Don't say you can't remember."  It came out more sharply than Nozomi had intended.

 

A palpable silence descended between the two of them.  It made Nozomi feel miserable in a familiar way, she been through this before; Eli had it in her to shut everyone else out, to wait seemingly forever until you cracked and walked away.

 

...Or at least it had always been that way.

 

She thought she heard Eli stutter or cough a few times.  Nozomi didn't want to look, she found herself unable to bear it.

 

"S-sorry."

 

She realised that Eli was crying.  Judging from the way it sounded, she was trying hard to hold it back.

 

"I know I fucked up."

 

Nozomi wanted to turn to her, to reach out.  She felt the need in her bones.  

 

She didn't.

 

"I'm sorry!"  Eli seemed to hurl the apology at her.  Nozomi felt the words ringing in her ears.

 

"Nozomi!  Say something!"

 

She was silent.  Maybe she couldn't.

 

"I know it's me, I know I'm in the wrong.  How many more times do you want me to apologize?"

 

It was like when they had clashed over Umi's phone call.

 

"Is this...  Is this because of..."

 

And Nozomi had bitten her tongue.

 

"I know it's been difficult...  We haven't been...  Been right."

 

She had stopped just before the point of no return.  Before she had _really_ tried to hurt Eli.

 

"It's been hard for me too.  Don't you know that?"

 

Nozomi couldn't quite recall the words that had been on the tip of her tongue...  Or their real intent, just that they been shaped to wound.

 

"I've felt it too..."

 

Or even quite why she had held back, now that she really considered it.

 

"It's not just you."

 

Hadn't it been obvious what was going to happen anyway?  Why _had_ she stopped herself?

 

"I get lonely...  That's why I..."

 

"Why you _what_?"  Nozomi cut in, finally breaking her silence.

 

"...Why I was drinking."

 

"That's a real tragedy."  Nozomi noted.  Cold.

 

"It's because of you!"

 

Suddenly Eli was on her, grabbing at her shoulders.  But she was still weak and disorientated.  Nozomi easily forced her back, holding her down as she avoided meeting her eyes, purposely picking a spot beyond her to gaze at.

 

"No.  It's you."  She said quietly.

 

Eli didn't reply.  She had that look again, of someone gaping at words that just weren't there.

 

"You didn't want this anymore, you wanted to let it go."  Nozomi continued.

 

"I didn't say that!"  Eli fired back.

 

"You did it...  You did it.  Gradually, you walked away."  There was still nothing in her voice, it was a bare sound that drove Eli to close her eyes.

 

"Why don't you just say it?  Just tell me, you don't want me anymore.  That's all."

 

Eli started to gape at words again and this time Nozomi let her.  She waited.  She wasn't sure how long but she refused to break the silence this time.

 

"M-my...  It's not...  You don't understand..."

 

"What don't I understand?"  It was hard to keep the cynicism out of her voice now.

 

"My family, they wouldn't understand...  Where I'm from, it's not like here.  There's no future for us...  I didn't want to hurt you, to have to say it to you..."

 

You could see it, it was written all over her face.  Even for Nozomi, who had relegated her to the corner of her vision.  She knew she wasn't lying, even if it wasn't the whole truth.

 

Nozomi let go and moved away.  She got up, but being on her feet brought no sense of equilibrium.

 

For as bitter as she felt the memory of why she had held back all those months ago returned.

 

"Maybe it's better to..."

 

She remembered something Rin had said about Hanayo, when they had sat with Nico that afternoon in the library...

 

"...It's only fair if we're honest with each other."  The words echoed from her memory and shook her.

 

"You're right."  Eli sat up and looked at her. 

 

This time Nozomi met her gaze.

 

They could both see the vulnerabilities in one another.

 

"I just want you to say it, so I know."  Nozomi voice was barely above a whisper.

 

It would hurt, she knew.  But in time it could heal.  That was better than living like this...

 

_...Restless days and sleepless nights..._

"We shouldn't be together anymore."  Eli's voice almost cracked as the words tumbled but she held it together.

 

That was it.  That was the end.

 

***********************

 

That's not the end of the story of course.  Nozomi's only...  What?  Approaching the halfway point of this train wreck.

 

Anyway, don't look so down.  Things got better.

 

Eli left shortly afterwards and there were no bitter parting words.

 

They had been honest, and the funny thing about honesty is that it can foster bonds between people in strange circumstances. 

 

There was no spite.  They just walked away from each other, as they had said they would. 

 

Well, Eli was doing the walking, obviously.  Nozomi wasn't going to leave her own apartment for the sake of an emotional metaphor.

 

Though she did leave later, but for practical reasons.  She spent most of the day at the shrine, the work allowed her mind to drift free as the machinations of her body took over.

 

Before she went home she made a stop at a pharmacy for some bandages.  As part of her earlier ruse she was going to have to dress her hand up for a week or two.

 

She arrived home with the exploits of the last few days bearing heavily upon her. 

 

That wasn't a bad thing.  It wasn't great either.  It was necessary.      

 

Part of adulthood is understanding that any problem, now matter how towering it may seem, can be put into perspective after a decent night's sleep.

 

And that's what Nozomi did.  It was overdue anyway.

 

**********************

 

The next few days passed without incident besides the initial bout of concern for Nozomi's absence and supposed injury.  That at least provided some cover for the two third-years to find their footing once more.   

 

As you might expect, there was some awkwardness around Eli at first but it seemed to fade as the days passed.  Nozomi could almost feel the old pattern of their friendship anew, it was with great relief that she reached out to trace it.  Gently at first, and then as weeks past, she realised that the words they spoke and the way they said them, they were falling back into the way they had once been.

 

Besides that, something of note did happen.  Something excellent.  Call it karma, Nozomi deserved a win.

 

The girls were in the clubroom after school, preparing to go up to the roof for a choreography session on the new song.  Only Rin was conspicuously absent.

 

"Has anyone seen my kit bag?"  Maki asked.

 

There was a negative murmur around the room.

 

"You should keep everything in one bag, like Nico."  Her girlfriend noted as she was getting changed.

 

Maki rolled her eyes.  "I think I left my phone in it as well.  Can someone ring it?"

 

Honoka obliged but no ring tones were evident.  Maki grumbled a curse.

 

"You left your phone here?"  Nico looked perplexed.

 

"Of course.  It would only be a distraction during school hours."  Maki closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose, as if she were explaining something obvious.

 

Nico glanced around the room rolling her eyes.  She elicited a few giggles from her audience.

 

"Nerd."  Nico mumbled as she pulled her shirt over her head.

 

Maki opened her eyes and glared at her for a good few moments.  Nico smiled back at her as her head popped out from the collar of her shirt.

 

Maki glanced at Hanayo.  "I swear to god, if..."

 

Suddenly the door opened and Rin stepped in, glaring at everyone.

 

She was wearing Maki's training clothes.

 

Everyone except Maki and Umi (and maybe Hanayo...  she was _really_ trying not to) started to chuckle.  Since their ill-fated Halloween experiment Rin had already played out this performance once more.

 

"You're not ready yet?  Unacceptable."  Rin snapped at the group.

 

" _Rin_!"  Maki half-screamed.

 

Rin pinched the bridge of her nose, unknowingly mimicking Maki from only moments ago, which caused Nozomi to laugh out loud.

 

"You haven't even brought your gear.  Why am I not surprised.  Honestly."  Rin sighed loudly and shook her head.

 

Even Umi was struggling not to laugh now.  She turned her back to the group and clamped a hand over her mouth, though Kotori had already spied her reaction and was nudging her.

 

"Maki, you need to loosen up."  Honoka began to play along, eyeing Rin.

 

Rin tsked loudly and began tapping her foot impatiently.

 

"Wow, Maki-chan.  You're looking good today."  Nico paced over to Rin with a deliberate slowness, she gave her the up-and-down as she neared.

 

"Gross."  Rin turned her nose up at Nico but made a show of sneaking an wide-eyed glance at her before turning away, huffing.

 

"Now, Maki-chan.  Is that anyway to talk to your #1 idol?  And Nico wasn't joking, she likes the new you..."  Nico gave Rin's cheek an elaborate caress.  She turned back to taunt Maki with a raised eyebrow.  "Nico can't put her finger on it...  Have you done something with your hair?"

 

Nico made to move closer but Rin pushed her away, keeping her at arms length.

 

"Nico-chan.  We're breaking up.  It's not me, it's you."  Rin turned away melodramatically.

 

Nico made a great display of mock devastation, turning to project at the rest of the room.  "Nico deserves more than that.  Tell her the truth!"

 

Rin turned back to her, her caricature softening slightly.

 

"You're just too cute."  She said, eyes suddenly wide.

 

That proved to be the final straw.

 

"I would never say that!"  Maki screamed as she advanced.  "A-and it not true!"  She added as an afterthought.

 

As per her group role, Hanayo leapt into the fray, in an desperate attempt to keep Rin and Maki apart.

 

"Maki's right.  I've never heard her say 'cute'."  Kotori mused aloud.

 

Maki _humphed_ in agreement, casting a glace of disdain in Nico's direction.

 

"What!"  Nico shot Kotori a look of very real outrage.  "That's all Nico's #1 fan ever says!"

 

"I agree with Kotori-chan.  In fact, I remember Maki saying...  What was it?"  Umi played it straight as she stared at Nico.  "That Nico was more...  Like when a well-behaved child becomes shrill."

 

Maki paused in her attempted aggressive manoeuvres around Hanayo for a distinct _Ha!_ in Nico's face.

 

"That's...  that's it."  Nozomi nodded enthusiastically.  "I've never been able to put it into words like that."

 

Nico shoved Maki away and turned to glare at Umi, and then Nozomi while growling loudly.

 

"Just like that!"  Nozomi smiled.   

 

"That's just my kink."  Rin shrugged and smiled smugly.

 

Suddenly Hanayo was trying to ward off Nico _and_ Maki.

 

It took Honoka, Eli, Kotori and Umi to eventually usher both of them away. 

 

Nico swore vengeance as she stormed off, singling out Nozomi, probably out of familiarity.  Maki huffed and puffed after her towards the roof, glaring at Rin as she left.

 

Nozomi followed them shortly afterwards.  She heard Hanayo trying to admonish Rin off to one side of the room as she left.

 

Near the stairwell she realised that she had forgotten her water bottle and strolled back to the clubroom, passing Hanayo on the way.

 

She found Rin alone, fiddling with a phone that she immediately recognized wasn't hers.

 

"Is that Maki's phone?"  She asked.

 

Rin nodded.  "She left it in her bag.  I kinda' meant to give it back but..."

 

Nozomi could see that the phone was locked by a thumb-print guard, much like Eli's.  Rin had flicked the password screen open and was hesitating over it.

 

There was room for ten characters for the password.

 

"Try _nico nico ni_."  Nozomi suggested.  

 

Rin did and homepage came up.  She looked up at Nozomi in surprise.

 

"She's always messing with Maki's phone.  She probably keeps changing the password."  Nozomi explained.

 

This theory was backed up as Rin clicked the photo gallery open; there was about a million selfies of Nico.

 

"She's persistent if nothing else."  Nozomi noted.

 

Rin flicked through the gallery, giggling at the sheer amount of Nico's selfies.

 

As they went on and on, Nozomi noticed a video file with a seemingly black thumbnail.  She pointed it out to Rin, who clicked on it.

 

A video began to play.  It had obviously been filmed at night and it was hard to make anything out.  There was a weird series of sounds that Nozomi struggled to comprehend.  She could see the confusion written over Rin's face as well.

 

"What is that?"  She wondered aloud.

 

Rin replayed the clip a few times.  It was only about 20 seconds long.

 

On the seventh play-through the sounds gradually became apparent to Nozomi.

 

There was someone giggling, muffled from behind the camera...  Must have been Maki...  Then it...  It was familiar...

 

_Ni-co...  Ni-co...  Ni-co..._

Nozomi's eyes went wide, she gagged as the laughter choked up her throat.  By the look of her, Rin had come to the same conclusion.  She put the phone on a near-by table and leaned over it, gripping the edge as her body was racked by hysterics.

 

"She's...  She's..."  Nozomi tried to speak but the laughter was overpowering.

 

Rin was almost crying.  She took big gulping breathes as she looked up at Nozomi.

 

"She's..."  Nozomi had to fight it down, her sides were starting to ache.  "...Snoring...  Her own...  Name..."

 

It was just _too much_. 

 

Maki had actually filmed Nico snoring her own name.  It seemed impossible, maybe it was but Nozomi didn't want to believe that.  She didn't want to even consider it.

 

This could only be Nico, she wouldn't have even considered it possible from anyone else.

 

There were so many questions.  How hadn't this become apparent at their training camps?

 

 _No_ , Nozomi stopped herself.  When the cosmos gave you something this...  Whatever this was, you didn't question it.  You just admired it.

 

It took Nozomi a few minutes to recover.  It was a wonder none of the others had come to check why they were taking so long.  In fact, it was that train of thought that made Nozomi realise that she had a limited window of time to operate on the opportunity before her.

 

"We need this.  _I need this file_.  Send it to me."

 

Rin seemed just as quick on the uptake and the need for urgency.

 

"W-wait...  Maki will know.  She'll know it was me, she'll see that someone sent it from her phone.  She'll really try to kill me this time!"

 

_Dammit!  She's right._

Nozomi pondered the problem for a moment.

 

"Make a new YouTube account on her phone and upload the video.  Clear the history afterwards, she'll never be able to tell." 

 

Rin looked up at Nozomi with a expression caught between surprise and awe.

 

"That's...  that's..."

 

Nozomi could see Rin's expression change as she hesitated.  Nozomi clocked it, she was thinking of what Hanayo would say if she found out.

 

Nozomi grabbed Rin by the shoulders and shook her.

 

"Rin, listen to me.  Are you listening?"

 

Rin nodded, her eyes wide and spooked.

 

"You consider yourself a fellow pranksters, right?"

 

Rin nodded.

 

"Isn't it a pranksters responsibility to bring joy to the world."

 

Rin nodded again.

 

"Now I want you to imagine that someone else had this video and _didn't_ share it.  How would you feel?"

 

Rin gaped at her.

 

"...I-I...  I...  Don't...  Nyaaaaaaaaa..."  It almost sounded like she was in pain.

 

Rin started to vibrate.  Nozomi had to hold her in place.  She assumed this was some kind of intense deliberation on Rin's part.  

 

"You don't even want to imagine that."  Nozomi finished for her after a few moments.

 

Rin ( _sort of)_ nodded.

 

"I know that I don't want to live in a world like that."  Nozomi said, her eyes boring into Rin's.  "We _have_ to do this."

 

And that was how Yazawa Nico became the next internet sensation.

 

********************

 

The following day at lunchtime found Nozomi strolling through the school corridors with Eli.  She was on some errand, or at least that was the pretence, as was often the case nowadays.  There was always some request that needed Eli's attention, and she always needed Nozomi's help.

 

She often joked that Eli simply couldn't let go of being student president.

 

Maybe Nozomi didn't want her to.  Back then she had always had an excuse to be at Eli's side. 

 

They were passing through the second floor of the main building when Nozomi noticed Hanayo, Rin, Honoka and Maki stood in the courtyard below them.  She pointed them out to Eli, who paused by the windows to look.

 

Nozomi watched the scene below alongside her.  Maki was pacing back and forth as Hanayo (with Rin attached) and Honoka had a rather animated conversation.

 

"Do you think the others...  Know?"  Eli asked after a few moments.

 

"Know?"

 

"About...  Us."

 

"Most definitely."

 

"Really?"

 

Nozomi turned to grin at Eli.

 

"You think anyone has a private life with these gossips?"

 

Eli raised an eyebrow.

 

"I'm pretty sure you're chief among them."

 

"Ah, yes.  But I'm the subject of the scandalous rumour this time, so you can't blame it on me."

 

Eli was about to reply but hesitated.  Umi was approaching them, wheeling a small trolley with a few equipment flight cases stacked upon it.

 

"Hello Eli."  She waved.

 

"Hello!"  Nozomi called as they approached.

 

Umi gave her a brief, grim look.

 

"Hello Umi.  What are you doing?"  Eli enquired.

 

"I'm giving a special presentation in the clubroom after school.  Please don't be late."  She eyed Nozomi again for the last sentence.

 

"What about?"  Eli asked, intrigued.

 

"That's a surprise."

 

Nozomi noticed her blushing faintly as she answered.

 

"A wonderful surprise."  Nozomi agreed as she spied some of the labels on the cases. 

 

One was labelled as a projector.  Others seemed to be additional cables and accessories.

 

A Sonoda presentation was never to be taken lightly, after all.

 

"Indeed."  Umi agreed.  "Now, I have to go and set up for later.  Goodbye."  She gave a perfunctionary wave before heading off.

 

They both turned to watch her go.

 

"Words fail me."  Nozomi shook her head.

 

"What?"  Eli turned to glance at her.

 

"Sorry, I sometimes forget you're part Sonoda.  No, it's fine."

 

"What!?"  Eli turned to her in indignation.

 

Nozomi shrugged.  "At least you'll always have your looks...  Oh."

 

Eli didn't talk to her for the rest of the afternoon.

 

*******************

 

At this point you're probably thinking something along the lines of:

 

That Nozomi, she's something else.  Not just the looks (and _that_ bust) but the emotional maturity to deal with so much teenage angst that it should have its own body count.

 

You'd be right too.  Not that Nozomi would say it.

 

Better add humility to that list.

 

Then again, even the best of us can have a bad day.  Even just an hour, a few minutes; a few bad choices that bring you down.

 

Such was the case during Umi's much-anticipated presentation to the girls after school.

 

It was difficult to explain...

 

You see, at first, no one was more delighted than Nozomi about this turn of events; Sonoda Umi giving a full power-point presentation on her relationship with her new girlfriend, Minami Kotori.  It was incredible and it was conceived, as with the whole concept of making a presentation to announce you had a girlfriend, in a way only Umi could bring to life. 

 

Frankly, in light of yesterday's Nico-themed find, Nozomi had no right to expect something even better a day later.  Yet here they were, and it was _beautiful_.

 

At least it should have been.

 

At first it seemed like not dying of laughter would be the biggest problem as a straight-faced Umi gave her introduction without the faintest hint of self-awareness of what she was _actually_ doing. 

 

You had to admire her single-mindedness, Nozomi supposed.

 

Still, she managed to play it cool; perhaps there was something mesmerising about the presentation, or perhaps she simple didn't want to interrupt or risk ruining something this...  Memorable?

 

That's how Nozomi felt at first, and she should have only been working harder to suppress the laughter as it went on, because as previously mentioned, Umi really had pulled out all the stops; there were sections on school gossip, idol perception, group dynamic shifts and relationship equality.  And those were just the ones Nozomi could recall.

 

However, what she couldn't recall was the point where a sense of unease had started to set in.  Maybe it had been around the time Umi had mentioned hers and Kotori's parents.  She hadn't said much on the topic, just the basics; they knew and they were fine with it.  No problems there.  Zilch.

 

_Huh, really?_

So Umi had her old-fashioned traditional Japanese family all on-board for her first venture into romance. 

 

Just like that. 

 

They _loved_ Kotori.  She was the right _fit_.  Homosexuality, what's the problem?

 

Oh, And the daughter of the Otonokizaka Chairwoman, the very school that Umi went to.  That could be awkward, right?  No, no.  All clear.

 

No issues.

 

_Huh...  What was your problem again?_

Yeah, that was when Nozomi had started to feel slightly nauseous.

_My family, they wouldn't understand...  There's no future for us..._

That's right.  Try as she might to have forgotten those words, they were right there.

 

Perfect timing.

 

And here she was, silently laughing at Umi. 

 

Umi, who had her perfect little relationship all laid out in facts and figures, charts and graphs, checked and double-checked before being filed away, A-to-Z.  Every problem solved.  Just.  Like.  That.

 

Yeah, that was when she had stopped laughing.

 

Every little glance Umi gave Kotori. 

 

Every little smile with every new slide from the projector.

 

The enthusiasm with which she talked to the whole group about something she had been totally repressed about less than a month ago.

 

Nozomi could feel the colour slowly drain from her face.  Forget that it was her meddling that led to this entire affair.

 

Nico kept giving her these weird concerned looks when she wasn't distracted by Umi's proclamations that her and Kotori were the most popular couple in school or glaring at Maki.  It was like she was trying to say something but Nozomi didn't want to hear it.  She made herself look away.

 

And when she glanced to one side, what did she see?  Eli, staring wide-eyed in wonder as Umi pointed out all of the things she had denied herself and Nozomi a few weeks ago.

 

_But it was amicable, right?_

 

When the coldness of it all had fully seeped into her, that was when she could smile again.  It was just as Umi offered to answer any questions from the group.

 

_I thought you were best pals again?_

 

She put her hand up but the others must have been wary of her, they kept trying to interrupt her, get a mindless question in before she could say anything.

_"Do you think the others...  Know?"_

_"Know?"_

_"About...  Us."_

 

She knew it was wrong.  She knew she was letting her darker half get the better of her.  She wanted to put her hand down but the words; all the taunts and jibes were bubbling up in her throat.  She would choke on them if she didn't get them out.

 

She finally did when Umi tried to avoid her for the last time.  Nico tried to stop her, tried to interrupt again, but there was no going back now.

 

She started out light but the words quickly became laced with bile and jealousy.

 

The more she pushed Umi the more uncomfortable the others looked.  

 

_They all have someone._

Of course, they were all paired off now.  She had been the first to experience what they all had now, and now she was alone.

 

It only made her seethe more.

 

She kept pushing, insinuating and smirking.

 

And Umi seemed to wither in front of her.  She blushed in embarrassment and kept staring at the floor.

 

Eli was gently nudging her, silently begging her to stop.

 

_Good._

Nozomi was glad that she was uncomfortable, because this whole thing was partly her fault.

 

"Mostly, I'm thinking of motivation.  Where did this all start?  How?  Take us on the journey, _convince us_ of the intimacy..."  Nozomi was rattling along.

 

Umi looked up.

 

Nozomi saw it.

 

It was that same look from when she had found that night in the empty classroom.

 

_Defeated._

"That's enough."  Kotori cut in before Nozomi could do anything.

 

"Kotori, I was just..."  Suddenly she felt the need to justify what she had been doing.  To make light it, to play it off.

 

"That's enough."  There was no anger but her voice was too firm to leave room for any argument.

 

Nozomi suddenly felt very hollow as she turned to Eli, who gave a slight shake of her head.

 

She felt the shame of what she had done burn deeply.  The words she had spoken echoed back and forth in her mind.

 

Nothing else.  Just a blur passing her by as the meeting ended and the room emptied.

 

She didn't want to go when Eli prompted her to and she couldn't bare to look at Kotori or Umi.

 

Instead she just sat there.  It was what she had done at all the other schools; wait for everyone else to leave first and then walk home alone.  It had been easier that way, Nozomi couldn't quite recall why now but it made a kind of sense.

 

A few minutes after she thought everyone had gone she looked up to find Nico staring at her impatiently.

 

"Nicocchi...  I don't want to..."

 

Nico lifted a ring of several keys jingling together.

 

"Nico has to lock the room, genius."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those on continuity watch: Most of the events here take place between chapters 5-8 in I Could Be There For You.
> 
> Next chapter: Nico gets her say. Maki just wants her to stop.
> 
> As always, thanks for reading.


	5. Lay Your Head Down (Nico & Maki)

Nico was such a considerate friend.  _Caring_.

 

It wouldn't have hurt Nozomi to complement her on that as she escorted her home.

 

Then again, what could you expect from _Nozomi_?

 

Not the due appreciation of being her best friend and role model, evidently.

 

There was an edge of worry though.  Nozomi seemed to be somewhere faraway, her eyes were vacant and her voice was alarmingly monotone.  And that even persisted when Nico told her about some of her new contributions to choreography; not too mention throwing in a few steps for show, free of charge.

 

_Rude._

"This isn't a thing now, just so you know."  Nico told her as they exited the station, walking towards Nozomi's apartment.

 

"What's that?"

 

The hollowness of her voice gave Nico pause for a few moments.

 

"I'm not walking you home everyday."  Nico affirmed.

 

Nozomi sighed.  "I was just starting to get my hopes up..."

 

"I know how dependent you are on Nico but you know she has a busy schedule, so you're torn between wanting the best for your favourite idol and wanting to spend more time with your best friend.  Nico understands."

 

"So considerate."  Nozomi mumbled.

 

 _There_.  That hadn't been so hard, had it?

 

When they got back to Nozomi's apartment she seemed to fall into an even deeper state of comatose, collapsing onto her sofa.

 

Nico watched her for a few moments.

 

_Rude._

She poked Nozomi a few times but there was barely any reaction. 

 

"Nico's going to make herself a cup of tea.  You can have one as well if you ask Nico politely."  She waited, hands on hips.

 

There was a general murmur from Nozomi's direction.

 

"That's not asking politely."  Nico noted with a faint, disapproving shake of her head.

 

"It's my tea in my apartment."  Nozomi mumbled, half turning away from the cushion her face was buried in.

 

"That's _stating_ , not _asking_.  And it's certainly isn't _polite_."  Nico chided.

 

Nozomi waved her away.  

 

Nico tsked and poked Nozomi a few more times for good measure before heading to the kitchen.

 

As she graciously prepared two cups while the teapot came to a boil on the stove, Nico noticed Nozomi's tarot cards laid out on the counter.  She picked one up.

 

_The Hermit._

She hadn't been wielding these bogus cards around school for a while.  Normally that would have been welcome but Nico actually had a little something in mind.

 

Silently, although there really wasn't any need for stealth - Nozomi was miles away, she found her bag and took a small pack of cards she'd had made a few weeks ago. 

 

Back in the kitchen, she took her own cards and collected up Nozomi's deck, shuffling them together carefully before checking the order, putting _The Star_ arcana first.  After that, she poured two cups of sweet tea and took them into the living room, setting Nozomi's down on the table.

 

"Nico hasn't seen you make any fake predictions with your silly cards for a while.  Maybe that would put everyone at ease before Nico wins Love Live?"

 

"Sure."  Nozomi sighed, sitting up and taking her cup of tea in hand.

 

" _Thank you_."  Nico said it for her.

 

Nozomi took a sip of the tea and winced.  She eyed Nico, something approximating a wiry smile touched her lips as she put the cup back down.

 

_Rude._

"Well, you certainly were in bad mood earlier.  Why should Nico expect any manners now?"

 

Nozomi nodded but didn't say anything.

 

Nico put a hand to her forehead and sighed.

 

_Just as irritating when she's silent._

Nico put her cup down and sat down next to Nozomi.  She turned, grabbed her classmate by her shoulders and began to shake her back and forth.

 

"Stop being annoying and tell Nico what's wrong!"

 

"N-Nicocchi!"

 

"You put that video online, didn't you!?"  In the moment it seemed like it was worth a try.

 

"No I didn't!"

 

_Damn._

"Then tell Nico why you're being so mean and mopey.  Nico can't deal with two Maki's.  _She can't._   So start talking!"

 

She let Nozomi go.  The purple-haired girl slowly sank back into the couch.

 

"I don't want to..."

 

Nico gave her a menacing look and began to roll up her sleeves.

 

"Okay...  Okay..."  Nozomi sat up, holding the palms of her hands out to ward Nico away.

 

She didn't say anything for a while.  Nico waited patiently (or gracefully) because it did occur to her that she might be acting a touch too blunt about something...  Well, of course Nico knew what the problem was ( _of course)_ but she suspected Nozomi _needed_ to say it out loud, otherwise she would find a way to tip-toe around it and keep plodding straight-on into misery.

 

And you should know by now that Nico, even in her rasher moments, knows best.

 

"Say it."  Nico prodded after a few minutes that seemed like an eternity.  She wasn't _that_ patient.

 

"...What do you want me to say?"

 

Something about her voice tipped Nico off.  There was a kind of recklessness there that Nico had never heard before.  She seemed to say: _what else is there to tell?_

"Is it just..."  Nico paused. 

 

She found herself thinking of that night in the snow; there had been something so captivating about watching Eli hold Nozomi.  But as she had watched on there had been a creeping sense of foreboding, like witnessing the last twisted grasp of something deeply esoteric before the disconnect.

 

Yeah, you didn't think Nico could make such deep observations, did you?  Shame on you.  Just because Nico was beautiful, didn't mean she only went skin deep.

 

Anyway, enough about Nico.  Back to...  You know...  What's-her-name, Nico's friend.

 

"...Is she just afraid?  Does she..."

 

"Yeah."  Nozomi interjected.  She took a slow, deep breath, exhaling the same answer.  " _Yeah_."

 

Her eyes seemed so empty, as though that one word, that one admission wiped everything away.

 

Nico had to turn away.  Seeing Nozomi like this...  It was _unnatural_.  Like one of those grim realizations of growing up, inconceivable prior to the moment it struck you; to see your parents as real flesh-and-blood people with faults and flaws, or to feel the weight of adult responsibility rest squarely on your own shoulders and the desolate loneliness it could evoke.

 

"How do you do it?"

 

Nico blinked.  She turned to back to Nozomi and noted that her lips were slightly parted, as if the question had slipped out of it's own accord.

 

"What?"

 

"Be an optimist...  Believe...  So relentlessly..."

 

Her mouth was dry, she licked her lips.

 

There were plenty of moments where she had felt like a fraud, that her optimism was knowingly misplaced.

 

There had been a day not so long ago...  The depth of emptiness in Nozomi's eyes reminded her.

 

Then she had felt Maki's arms encircle her.

 

She looked up at Nozomi.  Now it seemed so obvious what was _really_ missing.

 

"A magician never reveals her greatest secret."  She forced a smile.

 

She reached out and flicked Nozomi's forehead.

 

"And you should know better than to ask Nico-Ni something so crass, as if being the #1 idol in the universe is just _some trick_.  Now, Nico can't snap her fingers and turn you into the black swan but she supposes she _might_ have room for another apprentice under her wing."  Nico sat back and folded her arms, sighing and shaking her head.

 

"I don't think you really understand Swan Lake."  Nozomi noted, colour seeping back into her voice for the first time.

 

"Maybe Swan Lake doesn't understand Nico.  _And it should_."  Nico replied, stealing a half-glance at Nozomi.  She was glad to see a hint of mischief had returned to classmates eyes.       

 

"It's a world-renown ballet."

 

"And Nico's a world-renown idol."  Nico calmly reminded her.

 

She turned to glare at the sound of Nozomi chuckling.

 

"You'd do well to remember that."  She poked Nozomi for good measure.

 

Nozomi began to laugh as she took another sip of her tea.

 

Nico turned away and pouted.

 

_Rude._

******************

 

Nico saw Nozomi briefly the next morning.  She looked better, though Nico wasn't sure if she had just put her shields back up.  It was always so hard to say anything with a certainty when it came to that girl.

 

Eli was equally hard to read.  Nico momentarily considered confronting her but decided against it.  She well knew of Eli's aptitude for astonishing displays of stubbornness when she had decided on something; even if it was something she didn't really want.  Because unlike Nico, but like seemingly everyone else in the world, Eli and Nozomi were massive drama queens, who only served to distract from their far more charismatic and astonishingly cute classmate.  It was probably born of some unconscious jealousy.

 

What could Nico do?  These were the friends she had been given and she always did the best with whatever she had.  They were like two (annoying) baby animals, hopelessly stumbling through the dark and Nico was mother-bird...  Or something, Nico didn't really have time to write an essay about those downers, you can figure out the rest of the metaphor for yourself, Nico's a busy girl.

 

Still, as she would find out later that day, it seemed a reserved Nozomi could cause just as much commotion as the regular one.

 

It started when she ran into Umi at lunchtime.  She was standing in the middle of a corridor in a state of bafflement; body tense and eyes wide.  She stared at Nico warily as she approached. 

 

"What's wrong?"  Nico asked.

 

Umi seemed to recoil slightly as Nico stopped in front of her.

 

"What...  What?"

 

"Are you okay?  People usually look happier when Nico is around."

 

"I...  What?"

 

By this point Nico was starting to get irritated.  She reached out and poked Umi.

 

"Pay attention to Nico!"

 

Umi half-stepped back and batted Nico's hand away.  The action seemed to bring her back down to earth.

 

"Stop that."

 

"Then stop acting weird."

 

"I'm not acting weird.  You're acting weird."

 

"That's quite the convincing argument you have there."  Nico noted with a sharp smile.

 

"Yes, well...  I'm just...  Keeping order...  Keeping the hallway moving.  If you don't have any business here..."

 

" _Oh god_ , not this again.  Umi...  You're not a hall-monitor.."

 

"I am not..!  That's not...  It is every student's responsibility..."

 

Nico groaned loudly, derailing Umi's diatribe.

 

"Umi, we've all talked to you about this.  Especially Kotori."

 

Umi hesitated for a few moments as she visibly struggled to find a reply.

 

"Shut up."  She eventually retorted.

 

"Ah, Nico can see that you've resorted to the Nishikino school of dialogue resolution.  Luckily Nico is an expert in this..."

 

"Stop!"  Umi interrupted as Nico took a menacing step towards her.  "Stay back."

 

"Then tell Nico what's wrong!"

 

Umi cast her eyes up and down the hallway nervously.  They were alone, only the echoing sounds of far-off chatter indicated that anyone else was in the building.

 

"N-Nozomi..."

 

"Uh-huh."  Nico took a deep breath. 

 

_This ought to be good._

 

"She was...  She just appeared..."

 

"She does that."  Nico agreed.

 

"At first she was apologizing for yesterday.  She said that she had just been joking and she was really happy about Kotori and I.  Then...  She kept apologizing.  Sincerely.  She was really sorry.  Then she hugged me but...  It was...  She didn't...  I don't..."  Umi was grasping at the rest of the sentence desperately.

 

"She wasn't trying to antagonise you?"  Nico suggested.

 

Umi nodded enthusiastically.

 

"Yes!  That.  _And she just kept apologizing_.  I didn't know what to do."  She looked rather distraught as she spoke, seemingly living through the recollection.

 

"And no _washi washi_?"  Nico probed.

 

Umi contemplated the question for a moment before shaking her head.  In fact, upon that sudden realisation of the absence of Nozomi's usual shenanigans, Umi looked even more alarmed.

 

"Not even on the sly?"  Nico double-checked.  It would have actually been reassuring at this point.

 

Umi shook her head again, a vaguely haunted look was beginning to creep across her features. 

 

Nico wasn't quite sure what to make of Umi's story.  It wasn't exactly a bad thing...  Right? 

 

But still, Nico couldn't ignore the crushing burden that came with being leader of the pack; that she should really check on Nozomi, just in case she had stepped off the deep end, which, if Nico was being honest, was always a distinct concern with her classmate.

 

"Where did she go?"

 

"I'm not sure.  I was..."  Umi shuddered.

 

Nico pondered the possibilities for a moment.

 

"She's probably looking for Kotori, assuming she didn't get to her first."

 

Umi reacted immediately to Nico's deduction.

 

"We have to find her!"

 

Nico jumped, startled by Umi's sudden alarm.

 

"T-to clarify, she just apologized to you?  Multiple times.  Nothing else."

 

"Yes...  No...  But...  _It's Nozomi_!"

 

And wasn't that the pertinent point?

 

So Nico agreed to go with Umi.  They rushed to the library, where Umi had originally been headed to, before being ambushed, to meet Kotori.

 

"There they are!"  Umi pointed further down the room, towards the other end of the library.

 

She ran to the edge of one of the stacks and peered around the corner, drawing more than a few stares from the studying students around them.  Nico joined her, consciously attempting to be less conspicuous than her alarmed companion.

 

When she glanced around the corner she could see Kotori and Nozomi at the far end of the room.  They were stood close together, quietly discussing something, their conversation too far-away to eavesdrop on from here.

 

"What do we do?"  Umi asked, turning to Nico with a frantic look in her eye.

 

"You could be quiet for a start.  That is the prevalent rule in any library."  A sardonic voice remarked.

 

Nico turned around to find Maki sat a nearby table, gazing at them with faint disdain.  Her table was covered with various open books, diagrams and displays, with pages of notes everywhere in between.

 

Umi turned to glance at her new tormentor in surprise.

 

"I didn't know you wear glasses."  She noted.

 

She was referring to the pair of spectacles that adorned Maki's face as she poured over her reading materials.

 

"They're for _decorative purposes_."  Nico cut in.

 

Maki frowned before standing up.  Umi turned to Nico, perplexed.

 

"She's practising being a douche ready for medical school.  Expect to see a lab coat soon."  She explained.

 

Maki punched Nico in the shoulder as she joined them.

 

"Stop that."  Nico whined, palming her away.

 

"Stop deserving it."  Maki retorted.

 

"Could you two put it away for once.  We have bigger problems."  Umi glared at her companions.

 

"Like why a member of the student council is flaunting the library rules by causing a commotion?"  Maki suggested, returning the glare.

 

"Actually, I can act with impunity to school rules during in an emergency.  That's a privilege earned with office that you wouldn't be familiar with."  Umi fired back.

 

"Oh, and is it a privilege earned to abuse those rules whenever you want as well?"  Maki cast a mocking sneer at her senior.

 

" _Abuse rules_!  _Me_?  Maybe I'll legislate a rule that bans people from the library if they have a track-proven _bad attitude_.  As decided by the opinion of the student council - _me_."

 

Maki was about to retort when Nico stepped in.

 

"Nico's going to have to stop you both.  This is the most boring conversation she's ever heard.  Nico's on the verge of deafening herself and everyone else here just to spare us all."

 

Maki and Umi both turned away, Umi with a world-weary sigh and Maki with a sharp _humph._

"Don't we have bigger problems?"  Nico nudged Umi.

 

"Ah, yes!"  Umi snapped back to the moment.  She clamped a hand on Nico's wrist and began to drag her around the corner.

 

"Hold on!"  Maki snapped, gripping Nico's other wrist and pulling her back.

 

"Nico's going to have a big problem in a moment if you two don't start playing nice."

 

"Wait, what's going on?"  Maki asked.

 

Umi relented as Nico quickly explained the situation. 

 

"Let's go down the other side.  Maybe we can get closer to listen in."  Maki suggested.

 

"Good idea."  Umi agreed, immediately taking off while dragging Nico, and Maki in-turn with her.  She only paused momentarily to _shush_ them when they both yelped after being slammed into the corner of a shelf as Umi relentlessly dragged them along in a human chain.

 

Several rows down the stacks and the three of them were peering through the shelves at Kotori and Nozomi.  They were close enough now to catch wisps of the conversation.

 

"I just wanted to joke around...  But I know I went too far.  I just want to take everything I said back.  I was...  I wanted to..."  Nozomi was speaking in a quietly contrite voice.

 

"It's okay.  I was a little overwhelmed by it all.  It sounds silly, I know it's been a few weeks but it only really seemed to hit me just then.  _Really_.  What it meant.  I didn't mean to...  You know...  To be so..."  In response, the concern was evident in Kotori's tone.

 

Kotori had her back to them but Nico could see Nozomi clearly.  She watched her carefully as the conversation continued on in a similar tone.

 

Her eyes looked clearer and she seemed a little more full of herself, even in this predicament.  And Nico was glad she making amends quickly, it was the smart thing to do rather than let the ill-feelings fester.  When Umi had unravelled, Nico had begun to wonder if Nozomi was getting a bit too cathartic.  But in the scene before her she seemed genuine and Kotori didn't look uncomfortable.  Of course that meant...  She had fallen for a certain 2nd year's melodramatics...

 

"You were right.  Everyone knew it.  I think it meant a lot to Umi.  You looked good together in front of everyone.  You were really strong for her."  Nozomi put a hand on Kotori's shoulder and gave her a squeeze.

 

Umi seemed to audibly frown at that.  So much so that Nico glanced at her.

 

"Are you jealous?"  She asked half-mockingly.

 

"N-no."  Umi turned to her suddenly, caught unaware.

 

"Great."  Maki huffed.  "That's why we're really here."

 

"It is not!"  Umi snapped at her.

 

"Umi, you could have just said that was what you were worried about."

 

"Or just done nothing.  As in, not bother me."  Maki added.

 

"Will you both shut up!"  Umi glared at them.

 

"Umi-chan?"

 

Umi squeaked and then slowly turned to find to Kotori and Nozomi stood at the end of the stack watching the group.

 

Umi seemed to stall for a moment before pointing accusingly at Nico.

 

"I-it was her idea!  She wanted to spy on you...  And made me...  Also."

 

"Yes.  Kotori, it was all Nico's idea."  Nico confessed dryly.

 

"It had nothing to do with me."  Maki noted as she busied herself reading a book she had just picked up from the shelf.

 

"Yes.  That was a coincidence.  Maki-chan just happened to be here reading..."  Nico glanced at the cover of the book Maki was holding.  "'...About STDs."

 

"W-what!?"  Maki slammed the book shut, scrambling for the cover.  It was a geography textbook.

 

She shot Nico a glare as she sniggered.  Kotori was also trying to hold back a giggle.

 

"Gross."  She simmered.

 

"Better to be prepared.  That's the Nishikino way."  Nico taunted, stepping back from another punch aimed at her shoulder. 

 

Spinning around to wink at Kotori, she noticed that the faint smile on Nozomi's lips contrasted with the look in her eyes as they lingered on her. 

 

Though, despite whatever suspicions she may have had about Nico, Nozomi didn't seem to be in the mood to question the matter. 

 

"I'll see you all later."  She said before whispering something to Kotori and turning to walk away.

 

Ignoring a still-smouldering Maki, Nico watched with amusement as Kotori approached Umi and took her by the hand.

 

"Let's get you back to class.  I think you've had enough excitement for one day."  The easy smile she wore took the edge off of her mocking tone.

 

"K-Kotori-chan...  I...  It wasn't my idea..."  Umi made one last go of it.

 

"She was pretending to be a hall-monitor again."  Nico interjected with a tell-tale flourish.

 

" _I was_ _not_!"  Umi almost bared her teeth as she spun back at Nico.

 

Kotori frowned.  "We've talked about this..."  She whispered.

 

"She's lying.  Please..."  Umi whined as she turned back to her girlfriend, her demeanour shifting instantly.

 

"Okay, okay."  Kotori played peacemaker.  She turned to glance at Maki as she began to lead Umi away.  "I didn't know you wear glasses."

 

Maki sighed as Nico pranced around her in laughter.

 

Kotori looked back to Umi, who shrugged and shook her head.

 

Once Maki had retrieved her work, the four of them left the library.  Heading through the hallways, back towards the main building as lunchtime came to a close.

 

Nico found herself reflecting on Nozomi; there had been something in her eyes - a wariness.  Maybe she felt Nico knew too much, had _seen_ too much.

 

She remembered the night they had all congregated at Nozomi's apartment.  Maki had told her the story of what had happened beforehand over the phone.  Nico hadn't claimed to know much about Nozomi's past but she couldn't help but feel a lot of things fell into place as Maki had explained it...

 

She wondered if Eli really had been the first person to get really close to Nozomi.  If so, then the way they had seemed to drift apart over the last few months was undoubtedly at the root of Nozomi's malaise.  And Nico found herself that if that was the case then the problem went deeper than just a break-up...

 

She wanted to do something, anything...  But...

 

_You can't force it._

It was the truth, Nico knew.  It was kind of funny, Nozomi could be just as stubborn as Eli in her own way. 

 

She would have to take it step-by-step, just keeping an eye on Nozomi and improvising when the opportunity presented itself.  And Nico loved to improvise, it was one of her many, many strengths.

 

And of course, if in amidst trying to drag her long-time nemesis out of her emotional trenches, she got the chance to find incriminating evidence that Nozomi had indeed posted _that_ video online then that just made it all the more worthwhile.

 

Nico was shaken from her reflections as the group came to abrupt stop.  She looked up to find Chairwoman Minami approaching them.  She paused to acknowledge the group. 

 

"Well, well, well.  If it isn't my school idol savours."

 

Nico watched as Umi greeted her loudly as she bowed vigorously.

 

Maki hesitated for a moment, but clearly that new rebellious streak of hers hadn't extended this far and she mimicked Umi, much to Nico amusement.

 

Kotori's mother smiled, more than a hint of laughter colouring her gaze.  That was, until her gaze fell upon her daughter, who was looking away with a frown that looked so out of place on her normally cheery features.  Then, her mother smiled, chuckling under her breath.

 

Lastly, she glanced at Nico, who in turn, acknowledged her with a slight nod.

 

"That's some group of friends you have there, Yazawa."  She noted with that same disarming smile that Kotori possessed.

 

Nico rolled her eyes and sighed.  "You're telling me."

 

*******************

 

Maki was particularly pleased with herself.

 

Since Nishikino/Yazawa Zero that fateful morning at her house there had been an attempted lockdown on Maki's free time by her parents.  She had navigated it surprisingly well, often using μ's as a cover to sneak time in with Nico, while keeping all interactions with her immediate family to a subdued neutral tone of communication.  No one wanted to talk about 'that Yazawa girl' (almost a term of endearment now, Maki had started referring to Nico by it herself) in the Nishikino household, and Maki quickly understood that her parents unwillingness to directly confront their daughters teenage odyssey could be used to her advantage.

 

For example, both her parents were away this week at a medical convention.  They had instructed the family chauffeur, a kindly old man that Maki assumed had existed since the beginning of time or at least the invention of the car, to pick Maki up from school promptly each day and ensure she did not stop off anywhere besides the Nishikino residence.

 

When they had informed Maki of these arrangements they had clearly been expecting some resistance.  Instead, Maki had simple agreed without comment.  They had clearly been suspicious, justifiably, right up until leaving but hadn't said anything for risk of addressing the elephant in the room.

 

The chauffeur had rightfully been nervous of his charge.  After all, the instructions had been exact; everyday at 4 PM, or 6 PM on pre-approved μ's days - bring Maki back or don't bother coming back at all.  

 

But Maki had the beginning of a sly streak nowadays; something gained from Nico, she would grudgingly admit.  So with her parents gone, she had proposed a deal:

 

One day where she could be picked up at 8 PM, at a location of her choice.  In exchange she would be the model Nishikino daughter for every other day, punctual and prompt.

 

It would their little secret.  And it was.

 

That was how she found herself in Nico's room that evening.

 

She was laying on Nico's bed, her laptop open before her as she poured over the digital landscape of _Snow Halation_ on screen for about the millionth time. 

 

_Only a few days..._

Even here she couldn't let it go, convinced there was a sample misplaced, a error in rhythm hiding somewhere between the layers.

 

Nico was sat on the floor near-by.  She was playing a game on an old beat-up PS2.  Occasionally Maki would glance up to see the dazzling array of colour swirl on-screen as Nico guided a white-haired man through a labyrinth of demons and traps.  She could see Nico's lips part as she cursed here and there in frustration but those harsh little hisses were muted by her headphones. 

 

Sometimes she would reach out and try to mess up Nico's hair, which earned her a glare after being slapped away.  Maki's favourite game was to try and catch the thread of Nico's ribbons and pull them loose.  That evening brought one success that had her burst out laughing as a one-pigtailed Nico (a truly pathetic sight) had turned to glare at her with a murderous glint in her eyes.  Then she had turned away, muttering to herself and re-tying her hair, as if by memory.

 

Perhaps an hour passed in this way.  There was a nagging in the back of Maki's mind, it told her she was wasting precious time.  But it was...  Nice.  Just to be together.

 

_Maybe this is what it will be like one day?_

She felt her heart quicken at the thought. 

 

Then she felt her headphones being lifted from her ears.

 

"Pay attention to Nico."  She could hear the pout in the demand.

 

Maki ignored her, keeping her eyes locked onto the screen in front of her.  She heard Nico whine at a volume that could only be described as theatrical.  It was hard not to laugh, she felt a grin tugging at the corners of her lips.

 

"Maki!" 

 

A tiny fist pounded her back.  Then another, in the ensuing, brooding tantrum.

 

She wasn't giving in.  She had to fight to keep the smile from her lips.

 

Nico firmly closed the laptop in front of Maki and turned to eye her.  There was a very impatient, child-like demand in her narrowed eyes and the tight line of her mouth.  

 

"I'm busy right now."  Maki said quietly, urging herself to play it straight.

 

Taunting Nico was too much fun.

 

The response was predictable, but entertaining none the less.  Nico did this thing where she waved her arms around, vaguely like a windmill, while performing a monologue on how unappreciated she was.  It was quite the act, Maki thought as she watched Nico twist and turn, throwing herself around her room as she railed against her perceived injustices of the world around her.  It all done about several decibels too loud to be comfortable, which ushered in the next act of Nico's despair, starring a familiar character...                  

 

"Nico!"  Mrs. Yazawa called from the hallway.

 

Nico paused and turned to glower at the door.

 

"Nico, do you remember when we discussed the concept of an 'inside voice'?"  Even though her voice was muffled through the door, Maki could still hear the sprightly sense of humour framing the elder Yazawa's voice.

 

"Go away!"  Nico snapped.

 

"You don't seem to understand...  I'd still be able to hear you.  That's the crux of the problem, Nico.  Everyone can hear you, all of the time."

 

Maki was practically shaking with suppressed laughter at this point.  Nico shot a dirty look over her shoulder at her.

 

"Shut up!"

 

"I know you're excited because Nishikino-san is here..."

 

" _Just_.  S _top.  Talking_!"  Nico cut her off, raging at the door.

 

Maki rolled onto her back, laughing out loud now.

 

"Such a disrespectful daughter..."  Nico's mother could be heard sighing as she walked away.

 

With her primary antagonist removed, Nico turned back and encroached upon the other.

 

"Oh yes!  Laugh it up.  Laugh at poor Nico.  I always knew you were cruel at heart."  She declared with a flourish, pointing the accusation at Maki.

 

"Only when it comes to you..."  Maki sat up, still sniggering.

 

"Too much admiration eventually turns to jealousy."  Nico fired back.

 

"I don't know about that.  After all, you're the one who's _excited_ because _I'm here_."

 

Nico cried out as if she had been struck.  She launched herself at Maki, who was now sitting up on the bed with her back to the wall. 

 

Maki tried to fend her off for a moment but Nico grabbed her wrists as she straddled her.

 

"You need to show Nico some respect!"

 

"I thought it was attention you wanted?"  Maki replied, enjoying the closeness and letting Nico have her way.

 

"You've got a _bad attitude_."  Nico mimicked Umi, eyeing Maki with a derisive glare.

 

"That's quite the claim coming from you."  Maki whispered.

 

"What was that?"  Nico pushed up close.

 

They were just a few inches apart and Maki found the entire field of her vision taken up by Nico's crimson eyes.  They probed and regarded her with a mocking that slid towards mischief.

 

"Maki-chan's got so much to _say_ when it comes to Nico lately."  She purred into Maki's ear.

 

It always threw her, the way Nico could spin on a coin like this.  She had the vague feeling that she was the butt of some unheard joke that only Nico understood.

 

"Everyone asks me about Maki-chan..."

 

"Shut up."

 

"...They want to know what she's really like..."

 

"S-sure.  Sure they do."

 

"...They ask if she's really so cold, _when we're alone_..."

 

"Yes.  'Cause it's only you."

 

Nico smiled.  Maki could see the edges of her teeth, blindingly white and sharp in neat rows.

 

"I tell them: she pretends.  She's _so mean_ to me.  _But_...  If you're _really_ patient...  And ever so gentle then...  _Maybe_..."

 

There was just the barest brush of their noses.  It made Maki realise that her breath was caught in her throat as Nico's tickled the skin of her cheek.

 

"... _Maybe_..."  Barely a whisper, she drew out each syllable to an impossible length.

 

Maki felt the tips of Nico's fingers, they marched up her chest, one after the other with a soft press...

 

"...If you look closely..."

 

Over her breast, up to her neck.  They paused just under her chin, lingering around her pulse.

 

"...Then you might just see..."

 

"W-wha..."  Maki murmured.

 

She was entranced, caught in Nico's eyes.  The crimson gave way to darker tones of red, they simmered and swirled all around her.  There was a hint of fear as she let go, a faint warning that she was lost, that she wouldn't be able to find her way back.

 

...But she didn't want to...

 

"Nico's #1 fan!"  Nico suddenly exclaimed, shaking Maki and then shoving her face in to her chest.  "Maki Maki-Maa!"

 

Maki felt the blood rush to her face with a startling immediacy.  There was an urge to scream as her face was pressed against Nico's flat chest.  As she tried to push Nico away and get loose she was serenaded with Nico's blaring laughter, in-between cooing sweet nothings on how precious she was.

 

"G-get off!"  Maki snapped, but she couldn't get a solid grip on Nico to shove her away, she keep shifting around and shaking Maki.

 

"Oh!  My Maki is so sweet.  She just wants Nico's attention, Nico's affections.  Nico should have known!"

 

"You're like a virus.  You need to be exterminated."  She tried to punch Nico without success.

 

"You couldn't do that.  What would you do without your #1 idol!?"

 

"Live a perfectly happy life!"

 

Maki ceased in her struggles as her face was suddenly caught between Nico's palms.  She looked up to see Nico gazing down upon her with an expression that sent very real waves of panic pinging out from her heart.

 

"Maki, you're so beautiful when you're angry."  Nico swooned.

 

Maki tried to reply...  Tried to do something...  But...

 

How could you cope with someone like this?  What could you do?  Nico always seemed to be five steps ahead, on a different topic in a different conversation.  And it was hardly that Maki was too slow to keep up, it was just that...  Nico was...

 

Maki gaped as she gazed up into Nico's adoring eyes.

 

It was kind of terrifying.  There was just _so much_ there.

 

"...How...  What's wrong with you?"  Maki managed after a few moments.

 

"What a horrible thing to say to your girlfriend."  Nico huffed, pointedly turning up her eyes.

 

And the way she used that term when it suited her - _girlfriend_.  It was actually noticeable by how innocuously she said it.  It made Maki cringe.

 

"But Nico knows that Maki admires her.  She's always telling everyone."

 

"W-what...  What!?"

 

Nico put a finger to her lips.

 

"Hush now.  Nico's had a long day."  She whispered gently, but it was still a command.

 

Nico adjusted her position, swinging her legs around to sit more comfortably in Maki's lap.  She looped her arms around the red-head's shoulders and leaned against her, resting her head in the crook of Maki's neck.

 

It seemed to happen in a blur.  Maki was left wide-eyed.

 

"What are you doing?"  But there wasn't much a demand in her voice, she was already resigned to it.

 

Nico had closed her eyes and was breathing gently, the slight exhale caressing the curve of Maki's neck.

 

There was no reply.

 

Maki gingerly put her arms around Nico's waist.  Because that seemed the proper thing to do, right?

 

What exactly had just happened?  How did they get here?  

 

These were the questions that perplexed her as she sat there.

 

_Maybe this is what it will be like one day?_

 

Those were the words that haunted her as she closed her eyes in retreat.

 

*******************

 

"Makinator?"

 

"Don't call me that."

 

Maki opened her eyes slowly.  Nico was looking up at her, the side of her face nestled against Maki's chest.

 

"What are you doing?"  Maki asked.

 

"Just watching you sleep."

 

"Gross."  It slipped between her lips before she could stop it.

 

"Well, I don't think it's as bad as _filming someone_ when they're asleep.  Do you?"

 

"...Ugh..."  Maki sighed.  There was no comeback to this.

 

"Do you?"  Still, Nico persisted.

 

"No."  Maki conceded.

 

"Mmhm."  Nico agreed.

 

"In my defence...  It was...  It was something else..."  Maki murmured, smiling at the memory.

 

"I don't think it's a surprise that Nico is super-cute even in her sleep.  I can't blame you for being captivated, you're only human after all.  But more importantly, it's your fault that that nasty Nozomi got her hands on that video."

 

"...Well...  If it was her..."

 

"Of course it was her."  Nico snapped.

 

Maki watched as she took a moment to compose herself, trying not to laugh at the effect that even just Nozomi's name had on Nico.

 

"So how are you going to make it up to Nico?"  She peered up at Maki again.

 

"What do you want?"  Maki avoided eye contact.  She knew she was on shaky ground here.

 

"I was thinking..."

 

"That's rare."

 

Nico thumped a fist against Maki's chest.

 

"Nico was thinking about that night, in your room.  Where you did _all sorts of things_..."

 

"Stop."

 

"Oh, has Maki forgotten?  She made Nico feel so..."  Nico sighed.  "...Wonderful."

 

Maki could feel herself blush.  Nico always brought this up, at least once a day.  It was...  It was difficult to quantify what that night had meant.  There had been a side of herself she hadn't been aware of until they had laid together.  Nico had brought it out but it had always been there, a reflection only seen from a certain angle.

 

"I don't...  I mean, here..?" 

 

Oh, but she wanted to.  She could feel the pulse, weak at first in the pit of her stomach, but it grew stronger, rising to a point just below her breast as she found herself fixated on the soft weight of Nico in her lap. 

 

She could feel the Nico's thighs as they brushed against the skin of her legs, between her socks and skirt.  She was wearing the same pair of tight shorts as she had the first proper time Maki came over; she must have known Maki liked her legs.  Perhaps she had a habit of letting her gaze linger.

 

"If you can be quiet..."  Nico murmured.  "Maybe we could have some fun."

 

Maki licked her lips.  There was a refusal, a warning echoing somewhere deep in her mind but she couldn't voice it.

 

"It's been a while."  Nico told her.

 

She was right.  It had.

 

She kissed Maki then.  It seemed sudden only because of the striking sensation, but really the movement had been slow; she had pushed herself up in Maki's lap and met her gaze before leaning in.

 

This had been the stuff of Maki's idle fantasies for some time now.  It wasn't that they didn't kiss often, they did.  Maybe not in front of other people, Maki still wasn't too comfortable with that and Nico didn't force it.  They could still find small moments alone during the day, but not like this...  Not somewhere where they could be found vulnerable with each other.

 

Maki drew in the kiss.  She felt Nico's tongue poke at her lips so she slid hers past it, taking the initiative.  The resulting moans from Nico stroked her ear.  There was the familiar sense of her consciousness speeding up, her body catching up to the beat of heart; each beat alternating her body between rigidness and softness.

 

Nico's hand slipped up under her shirt.  She felt fingers pressing against her sides, soft at first but harder as they pressed against her ribs.

 

She was about to let her hands do something similar when she caught the clock on Nico's wall out of the corner of her eye...  

 

7:42 PM.

 

Maki sighed as she gently forced Nico back and faced a questioning expression.  And the longing, Maki could see it plain. 

 

"I have to go.  It's late."  She whispered because she didn't really want to say it.  Or hear it aloud.

 

"...Ugh..."  Nico leaned forward for a moment, head under Maki's chin.  Then she pulled back, a look of begrudging acceptance colouring her features a she turned to glance at the clock.

 

"Sorry."  Maki looked down.

 

"It's not your fault."

 

She looked up.  Nico was smiling at her; one of those rare looks with nothing calculating behind it.  She looked so pretty when she wasn't informed by cunning.

 

"I'm still sorry."  Maki kissed her on the cheek.

 

They both got up and Nico gravitated towards the door as Maki gathered up her things.  Neither was in a rush.  Even as Maki slung her bag over her shoulder and joined Nico by the door they lingered, half-stepping towards leaving, daring the other to say good-bye first between glances.

 

This little dance ended when Nico opened her bedroom door to find Cocoro stood there.  She had clearly just been eavesdropping on them, ear pressed against the door.  She looked up in surprise, her mouth open as she grasped for an excuse.

 

"Hey!"  Nico shouted, reaching out for her.

 

Cocoro turned to run but Nico gabbed the back of the collar of her shirt, lifting her up off of the floor.  Despite being in the air, Cocoro's little legs still pumped forward.  She looked back, equally panicked by Nico being so close and perplexed as to why she wasn't any further away.

 

"Leave her alone."  Maki tried to step in, putting a hand on Nico's shoulder.

 

"M-m-mama!"  Cocoro cried out.

 

There was an audibly sigh from beyond the hallway.  Both Nico and her sister paused in their struggles.

 

Mrs. Yazawa appeared a few moments later, Cotarou in her arms.  She paused, took the scene in and then turned to stare at Nico pointedly.

 

Nico _humphed_ and lowered Cocoro to the ground.  She immediately sped past her mother into the living room.

 

Mrs. Yazawa glanced past Nico.

 

"You too."

 

Maki and Nico turned to see Cocoa stood in the next doorway over from Nico's room.

 

"...Um...  Err..."  Cocoa looked at the floor as her elder sister's gaze turned on her.

 

"Make it snappy."  Her mother commanded.

 

Cocoa didn't need further prompting, she made a swift retreat in the same direction as her sister.

 

Mrs. Yazawa watched her go and then turned back to Nico.

 

"Honestly."  She rolled her eyes in despair at her eldest daughter.

 

She turned and walked away as Nico began to grumble.  Cotarou leaned over her shoulder as his mother carried him away.  He reached out to point at Maki and silently mouthed the word _Tomato_. 

 

Maki watched him go until his mother turned the corner into the living room, still unsure of how to handle Cotarou's apparent fascination with her.

 

She turned back to Nico, who was still glaring after her mother.

 

"You're not a very loving big sister."  She commented.

 

"Of course I am."  Nico snapped.  "I'm just...  Nico has an itch that Maki won't scratch."  She regarded Maki with a smug sideways glance.

 

"Oh my god!"  Maki gestured to the living room, where they were surely still in earshot of.  "What's wrong with you?"

 

"That's a question I ask myself everyday."  Came the elder Yazawa's answer from beyond the hallway.

 

********************

 

You know what Nico's problem was?

 

She cared too much.

 

There.  She admitted it.

 

It was only two days until the final round of preliminaries, so the girls met early the following morning to check over preparations.

 

When they had all settled down in the clubroom Nico looked across the table to be greeted with the sight of Nozomi looking like a vegetable.  It was especially irritating given the small signs of progress from the previous day.

 

She watched Nozomi and contemplated a way to snap her friend / nemesis out of her gloom as Umi stood at the head of the table making announcements and checking everyone was on schedule.  It was a welcome distraction; honestly, Nico didn't want to dwell on the next few days beyond what was required of her.

 

When Umi had finished going through her notes, Honoka took over for a brief pep talk that veered from unbridled enthusiasm to the surreal (something about penguins flying - though you'd be surprised at how compelling it was in delivery).  Luckily all of the girls were used to this by now and they got the general message of _try your best_ , regardless of what inappropriate metaphor Honoka tried to employ.  She ended her speech by turning to Nozomi with an unspoken request to comment or make a prediction on the state of things, as was common in defining μ's moments.

 

It took Nozomi a few moments to realize that the groups attention was on her.  Eli had to nudge her to snap her out of her daze.

 

"Yes...  We've done everything we can..."  She started off rather unconvincingly.  Eli nudged her again.  "...And fate favours the brave.  What do the cards say I hear you ask?"

 

"No one asked.  No one cares."  Nico interjected.

 

Nozomi tutted and tsked.

 

"Don't tempt fate, Nicocchi."  Nozomi smirked, looking a touch more full of herself.

 

She drew a card suddenly and held it up for all to see.

 

_The Star._

Nico gasped and then cried out.

 

Nozomi glanced over at her, discerning for sarcasm.  But finding none she looked slightly perplexed as she laid the card on the table.

 

Nico stared at the card.  This meant something.  What the hell was it!?

 

Maki turned to look at her, a slight edge of concern in her eyes.

 

_The cards!  Get her to draw another!_

"Ah!  Y-yes.  The star."  Nico tried to compose herself.

 

"In our case it means  _Inspiration_."  Nozomi explained to the group, tapping the card.

 

"Well...  That's great...  Isn't it?"  Nico turned to Maki.

 

Maki shrugged.  "I...  Guess.  It's a tarot card, Nico-chan.  It doesn't mean anything."

 

_Oh Maki..._

   

"How can you say that!"  Nico stood up and declared to the room.  "Draw another card!"  She pointed at Nozomi.  "...And Nico will show you why it matters!"

 

Perplexed, Nozomi took a moment to study Nico's face for signs of a possible pitfall but found nothing there to signal the descent. 

 

She drew another card suddenly.  She was about to hold it up for everyone to see when she paused, examining the card in dumbfoundment.

 

That was Nico's cue and she was over to Nozomi in a flash, snatching the card from her hand and holding it out for everyone to see.

 

"It's _The Nico-Ni!_ "  She struck the pose.

 

Indeed, the card was a selfie of Nico with a strip of text along the bottom of the card (in the same design as Nozomi's tarot cards) identifying it as such.

 

"It stands for cuteness, of course.  Being a super idol and being mega-talented."  Nico informed them all.

 

"Wh... W-what's happening?"  Eli was just as bewildered as Nozomi.

 

Nozomi herself had no time to react as Nico quickly patted her down, finding the rest of her card in the inside pocket of her blazer and grabbing them.

 

"And look!  There's more."

 

The group watched on in disbelief as Nico laid each card out in turn.  They were all various photos of Nico with the same strip of text identifying them.

 

"And not just Nico.  Look!  It's Maki Maki-Maa!"

 

"What!?"  Maki looked up at Nico, fire in her eyes.

 

Nico held another card out for everyone to see.  This card had a photo of Maki that Nico had obviously taken.  Maki did not look best pleased about it, holding her hand out to ward the camera away while her mouth was contorted into a snarl.  Again, it was labelled underneath as _The Maki-Ma_.

 

"Isn't she sweet?"  Nico cooed.

 

Maki pounded her fist against the table.  "Nico-chan!"

 

"And that's not all."

 

Nico drew another card and laid it out for all to see.  This photo of Maki had been taken while she was eating; her mouth was hanging open and she had a particularly gormless look on her face.

 

"Why are you like this!"  Maki screamed.

 

"Oh!  But I think this is Nico's favourite."

 

This card was a photo taken of Maki on a promo shoot.  It had been taken by Nico between shots; Maki already looked beautiful in profile, softly lit and made-up, but Nico's photo captured a relaxed warm smile in-between the proper poses.

 

There was a general murmur of delight around the room as Nico beamed.  It seemed to take the edge off of Maki's anger, replacing it with a shade of embarrassment.  She sat back down and glanced up at Nico in-between avoiding everyone else's gaze.

 

"...It's okay...  I guess..."  She mumbled.

 

Nico put an arm around Nozomi's shoulders, drawing her close.

 

"Isn't she just the sweetest?"  She swooned.

 

"No argument here."  Nozomi chuckled.

 

Maki rolled her eyes and groaned.

 

"Now, now.  That's not all."  Nico suddenly shifted back to the cards.  "Everyone's here, see."  She crowed.

 

This time each card she placed on the table featured one of the girls.

 

"...There's you and Kotori and Umi and..."  Nico trailed.

 

The last card had Eli's name along the bottom but the card was blank with the text _file not found_ printed on the centre of the card.

 

"...That's it.  That's everyone."  Nico concluded.

 

"Hey!"  Eli jabbed Nico in the ribs.

 

"This isn't about you!"  Nico snapped, brushing her hand away before turning back to Nozomi with a full smile.

 

"Nico made these for you, so that when you're old and lonely you can remember Nico..."  Nico waved her hand at the rest of the group.  "...And all the others.  And you'll have proof for when people laugh at you for saying you knew super idol Nico-Ni.  Isn't that nice?  They're one of a kind.  And since you'll probably be poor, maybe even homeless, you could sell those Nico cards for _loads_ of money, but I know you won't.  You wouldn't be able to let Nico go."  Nico gave Nozomi a knowing smile and winked. 

 

She pulled Nozomi in for another hug before prancing back around the room to her seat as several pairs of disbelieving eyes followed her.

 

"...Well...  That was..."  Umi broke the ensuing silence.  "...So is everyone ready for the next two days?"

 

"Nicocchi seems especially perky."  Nozomi remarked.

 

Nico wasn't sure if she was happy or pissed to see that familiar slyness snag Nozomi's lips.  At least she had provoked something.  Anything was better than the void-inducing expression she had been wearing earlier.

 

"She must have slept well."  Nozomi continued, laying the bait.

 

Nico saw red.  All reason fled her.

 

"It was you!  I know it was you!"  Nico leapt to her feet and pointed with venom at Nozomi.

 

"What?  What did I do?"  Nozomi shrugged and gave Eli a mock-clueless glance.

 

"The entire school has seen that video.  I know you..."

 

"Woah!"  Umi stood up in an immediate attempt to cut both of them off.  "You know the rules, I won't accept baseless accusations being thrown around in this room.  We don't want another Rice Thief incident."  Umi cast a warning glance at them both as she spoke.

 

At the words 'Rice Thief', Hanayo looked up, an uncharacteristically grim expression contorting her features.  She cast her gaze around the group with a daunting presence until her eyes fell on Honoka, who was looking out the window just a bit too pointedly.

 

"I'm the club president.  Why do you get to make the rules?"  Nico whined.

 

Umi was about to reply when Kotori's arms snaked around her hips, hugging her.

 

"Because she's the handsomest!"  She announced.

 

Umi smiled smugly as she looked down upon Nico.  And then, just for a split second, Umi poked her tongue out at her.

 

No one else seemed to catch it, and it was so uncharacteristic that no one believed her when she brought it up later.  In fact, it was so left-field that even she began to question if it had really happened.

 

Nico sat back, defeated.  She threw her hands up in protest but there was nothing compelling left to offer. 

 

"No one respects Nico."  She mumbled.

 

Looking up, she saw that Nozomi was still smirking at her.

 

_Too kind.  Too concerned._

That was Nico's problem.

 

Maki nudged her with her elbow. 

 

"Maybe it's because you're not the handsomest?"  She suggested with a faint smile.

 

"Ugh..."  Nico shuddered once and then slumped forward.

 

**********************

 

"I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?"

 

"I'll be here waiting."

 

For a few moments nothing happened.  The two of them just stood there, not really wanting to be the one to walk away.

 

Nico looked down at the floor and then back up.  It was nearly dark now.  It seemed a long time since they had walked home together during the autumn sunset, a detour here and there before catching the train.

 

Even in this early dusk they didn't have that now.  The hour they had after school and the hour before.  The extra choreography practise had finished long ago, they didn't really have time for it anymore.  They were usually with everyone else all of the time, maybe a lunchtime alone in the music room here and there, a sought-after treasure.  But the journey to and from Otonokizaka together...  Taking that away had been the most direct, the most hurtful thing Maki's parents had done.

 

On rare occasions, Maki would find an excuse to slip away with Nico, but most days they parted here, outside of the school's front gate where a stately black car waited for Maki, looming and ever-present.  The dividing point.

 

It would take Maki away and then deposit her at the same spot in the morning.

 

Nico hated it.  Hated that car with everything she had.

 

She was brought back to the moment as Maki leaned in for one final embrace.  Her arms wrapped around Nico's shoulder.  She clung on tightly.

 

Nico knew, even if Maki would never say it, that she dreaded this moment just as much, if not more than Nico.  That made it even worst.

 

It wasn't just that car.  She hated feeling helpless, bereft of ideas.  There was no idol trickery or distraction, no amount of quick-thinking could change the situation they were in.

 

"Goodbye."  Maki mumbled.

 

Then she was gone.  Turning and walking away, quickly getting into the car.  It seemed to take off the moment she closed the door.

 

Nico watched but it was out of sight after just a few moments.

 

There was nothing else to do or see.  She walked away.

 

Without any real thought to it, she took a detour through a park by the station; a favourite for early morning stops with Maki.  It was a silly thing to do, it only fed her bitterness.

 

"Nicocchi?"

 

Nico paused and looked up.  Nozomi was sat on a bench a few feet away, watching her. 

 

"What do you want?"  Nico snapped.

 

Nozomi chuckled and patted the seat next to her.

 

Nico considered walking away.  She wasn't really in the mood to mother Nozomi right now.  Or put up with her jibes if she had reverted back to her usual irritating self.

 

...But since misery loves company she sat down next to her classmate.

 

"I thought you said this wasn't going to become a habit?"  Nozomi nudged her.

 

"Apparently I just pity you that much."

 

"Well, I can't say that I mind."  Nozomi chuckled again.

 

The sound seemed to prompt a comeback, but Nico didn't really have anything to say.  Instead, she found herself studying her shoes in silence.

 

Nozomi noticed and wrapped an arm around her, pulling her close.  Even that didn't provoke a reaction.  So she pulled her closer again and Nico found herself being pulled face-first into the side of Nozomi's considerable bust.

 

"Gross!  Get off!"  Nico shoved her away with all of her might.

 

Nozomi shook her head and smiled wistfully.

 

"I can never get close enough to my Nicocchi."  She sighed.

 

"You certainly seem like your old self."  Nico accused, turning up her eyes and crossing her arms.

 

"I suppose I'm quite lucky.  Lately, whenever I feel down there's always a certain someone to cheer me up.  Or at least to remind that being miserable is no fun."

 

Nico didn't look back but she could feel Nozomi's eyes on her.

 

"You're equally annoying either way."  Was all she deigned to offer in response.

 

"I am who I am."  Nozomi smiled faintly.  "But more importantly, what could be ailing my sweet Nicocchi?  Nothing distresses me more than seeing her unhappy."

 

"Must be the company I keep."

 

"Ah, but that's just not true.  Is it, Nicocchi?"

 

"Really?  Are you listening to this conversation?  Seems pretty aggravating to Nico."

 

Nozomi laughed and Nico felt herself relax, even if she didn't _really_ feel any better.

 

They sat there together in a comfortable silence for a few minutes.

 

"It's getting dark.  And we've got a big performance coming up.  You need your beauty sleep."  Nozomi turned to glance at Nico.

 

"Not as much as you need yours."  Nico fired back.  "And Nico _has_ to be at her best.  She has to make up for the...  Less _desirable_...  _Unprofessional_ members of our little group.  That's just the cross that Nico has to bear."

 

Nico stood up and Nozomi joined her, looping her arms through hers, laughing again.

 

"Never change, Nicocchi.  Never change."

 

*******************

 

The evening of the preliminaries proved testing; the second years change of plan, the weather and the ensuing delays pressed more of the preparation than normal on Nico.

 

Along with Hanayo, she went through all of the cases that had been delivered to their dressing room and arranged everyone's costumes to Kotori's notes and what Nico could remember.  After that she started running hair and make-up as Nozomi kept them all updated on the second years progress through their presentation and later on, their ensuing voyage through the snow.  Aside from informing them of Umi's texts, these 'updates' constituted of her frantically screaming made-up tragedies ( _We've run out of eyeliner!  Rin just mixed up the costumes!  Eli just pulled a muscle!)_ in Nico's ear before laughing and running away from retribution.

 

Nico wasn't sure if it was just her way of dealing with nerves, an up-turn in her mood or if she had just snapped.

 

Either way, she could have done without been told that they were in _the danger zone_ every ten minutes.  She was already on edge herself, and trying to get these clowns moving without Kotori's organized precision and Umi's iron fist was next to impossible.  And Honoka...  Well, she was pretty good at distracting the less desirable elements of the group.  You missed her when she was gone, Nico knew that now.

 

At least she had Hanayo, the only person capable of stopping Rin from bouncing around as Nozomi's sidekick, to assist her as they tried to get everything ready for Kotori's arrival.

 

Eli seemed oddly quiet.  Nico noticed her watching Nozomi's antics with a quiet smile and quieter laugh.  Apart from that she did everything that Nico requested between making preparations for their warm-up prior to going on-stage.

 

Maki looked pale, or paler than usual.  Nico could barely recall her saying a word since they had arrived at the venue, and she only spoke in a whisper if she did have anything to add.

 

It wasn't too surprising.  Nico knew she had her own particular set of nerves and apprehension from performing piano recitals from a young age.  She allowed herself to be directed without comment but Nico noticed the faintest of smiles on her lips as she spend just a little longer fussing on her hair than anyone else's.  It had been a quiet moment within the cacophony of a stressful day.  At least it had been until Nozomi had crept into the room and screamed _Ten minutes!_ at her and Hanayo while fiercely tapping an empty clipboard.

 

Nico took a break eventually.  Her feet carried through various corridors without a destination in mind; she just needed a little space from the others.

 

She ended up on one of the upper floors, gazing over the snow-cloaked city through a floor-to-ceiling window.

 

Even though today had been looming in the back of her mind since the last performance she had been trying not to dwell on it too much.  It wasn't so much the details or preparation (because Nico is always prepared), more the consequences...

 

_What happens after tonight?_

Unlike the initial round of preliminaries, they would find out if they were through to the finals by the end of the night.  And Nico...  That was what she didn't want to think about.

 

There was a single persistent, niggling thought...  That if they didn't get through, if it was over, then did she really have friends anymore?  Was this all that held them together?

 

It was...  It was stupid.  And there were other things on the line.  Things that should be far more important to the aspirations of an super-cute and talented girl like Nico.

 

It was the end of being a school idol.

 

...But that just didn't seem to ring true.

 

It was the journey, not the goal that she had begun to crave.

 

Slowly, Nico found the focus of her gaze drifting inward from the city to her own reflection.  She found herself avoiding the gaze of her own reflection.

 

Her vision started to blur, and then she realised it was because she was shaking.  She brought a hand up to the window pane and watched with dread as her fingers rattled against the glass, beyond her control.

 

She tried to take a deep breath but found that her lungs wouldn't fully expand.  She almost choked.

 

And then, with a sense of dread, she knew. 

 

_Stage fright._

 

Nico-Ni.  #1 idol in the universe.

 

She was afraid. 

 

The shame of it burnt deep down.  Sure, a few nerves just before stepping on stage was fine, everyone had that, but this was different.  Nico was never scared of being on stage, never afraid of performing.

 

She was _Nico_.  She lived for it.

 

Though there was a time when it hadn't been quite that simple, and much to her regret, Nico found herself recalling the days of her first school idol group; peering around the curtain into the auditorium, looking back to see the other girls retreat and knowing that it was all on her.

 

She remembered the fury she felt just after the disappointment of those days.  She tried to focus on it, let it drive her back to the present.

 

Instead she kept seeing the faces of her former friends; the fear clawing out from their eyes, begging her to call it off, to stop being who she was.

 

Nico stumbled away from the window and headed further down the corridor.  She found an unadorned dressing room and stepped inside.  Thankfully it was empty and she closed the door behind herself.  She saw a couch and practically fell into it, burying her face in her arms to muffle the sharp rasps of her breathing.

 

She must have blacked out.  Suddenly everything felt different.

 

For a few minutes she wasn't sure, then she felt a warmth slowly envelope her.

 

She managed to half turn and look up.  Maki was looking down at her.  Her face had an odd clarity in the swirl of her vision.

 

It took a few moments to realise that her head was laying on Maki's lap.  She felt fingers running gently through her hair.

 

"How are you feeling?"  Maki asked after an indeterminable amount of time had passed.  

 

"Is it just you?"  Nico croaked.

 

Maki chuckled and shook her head.

 

"You're crazy.  That's what you care about?  You're something else."  Her voice was gentle, not quite chiding.

 

"It wouldn't be good..."  Nico took a great big sucking breath.  Her chest felt rigid.  "...For the others to see me...  Like this."

 

"Yeah, I thought you'd say something like that.  Don't worry, I've got you covered."

 

"Thanks."

 

Silence descended again.  Nico could barely move, she was locked up.  Maki just continued to stroke her hair.

 

"How long have we got?"  Nico asked eventually.

 

"Kotori should be here...  In about forty minutes."

 

Nico didn't respond, so Maki asked:  "How are you feeling?"

 

"I can't do this."  Nico whispered.

 

Maki laughed again.  It sounded so harsh to Nico, she closed her eyes tightly.  

 

"Of course you can."

 

"...What?"

 

"Nico-chan...  You'd never forgive me if I got sappy with you now.  You can do anything you want, and I know you want to do this."

 

"I don't...  I..."

 

"There's no doubt in my mind.  You're unstoppable."

 

She wanted to cry, could feel the tears peering out from the corners of her eyes.  It was so hard...  It hurt so much to lay there.

 

"It's okay."  Maki murmured.  "I've got your back."

 

Nico stopped trying.  Her face had been numb but now it gradually thawed and she could feel the tears run in rivulets over her cheeks.  All the time she felt Maki's fingers still running through her hair.

 

"I don't know what to do...  I'm going to freeze, I know it."  She confessed when the tears stopped.

 

Maki sighed.

 

"I think we all feel the same.  I do."

 

"What...  What are we gonna do..?"  Her voice faded, the words caught in her throat.

 

"Well, here's the best I can think of...  When we all stand there, just waiting...  I'm going to turn to you and make some terrible joke, probably a height joke.  I mean, you are tiny, like, it's silly."

 

"S-shut up."  Nico managed, the words barely leaving her mouth.

 

"And then you're going to turn to me, give me your best smile, probably strike that dreadful pose and chirp that even worst, if it's possible, catchphrase.  And then everyone's going to laugh because you'll tell them that it doesn't really matter what any of us do, because you're the star of the show and no one is really paying any attention to the rest of us anyway.  And that's it, everyone will just relax.  Just like that.  Nico magic."  

 

"Just like that."  Nico whispered.  Suddenly she could the palpitations of her heart beating against her ribs.

 

"Yeah."

 

"Nico magic..."

 

"Nico magic."  Maki affirmed.  "It's medically proven to work."

 

Nico found herself staring up at Maki's face again.

 

The most wonderful feeling was erupting in her chest, coursing through her veins and out to the tips of her toes.

 

She reached out and caught Maki's face between her fingers.

 

Maki smiled and kissed her hand.

 

"If it makes you feel any better, if we don't get through tonight Nozomi is talking about trying to convince Honoka tomorrow that tonight was just a dream and tomorrow night is the real concert.  Could at least be fun?"

 

Nico felt herself smile, couldn't keep it from her lips.

 

"Now you're all listening to Nozomi...  What would you do without Nico?"

 

"I've long since given up on those dreams."

 

Nico pinched her cheek, laughing as Maki squeaked.

 

"Let's go, Maki-chan.  Nico's adoring fans are waiting."

********************

 

"I'm just saying, there's something in the air tonight.  Don't you feel it?"

 

Honoka turned to Nozomi with a puzzled expression.

 

"What do you mean?"

 

Nozomi shrugged as Eli giggled behind her.

 

"It just feels...  Sort of dreamy.  Don't you think?"

 

Still nonplussed, Honoka was about to reply when Umi cut in.

 

"Come on, everyone.  It's nearly time."

 

They all trooped out of the dressing room and followed a stage-hand down the corridor.  They walked through a set of doors, the chilly night air hitting the girls as they came to the edge of a canvas tunnel that led out of the building to the rear of the outdoor stage.

 

They could all hear the crowd; waves of applause and cheers as the group before them finished up.

 

Despite that the roar in the distance the immediate silence was heavy in the shade of the tunnel, the blazing stage-lights almost blinding beyond.

 

A few of the girls were shuffling uncomfortably as Maki took a deep breath and turned to Nico.

 

"K-Kotori..."  She started.

 

Kotori turned to her in surprise, the pre-show anxiety painting her eyes wide.

 

"I think...   I-I think there's a problem with Nico-chan's costume."

 

"W-what..."  Panic etched it's way across Kotori features in an instant.

 

"Yeah, I think...  Could we put more lifts on her boots.  I don't think anyone will notice her otherwise."

 

Nozomi and Eli burst out laughing at the back of the group.  Umi cracked up despite herself.

 

"Oh, _Maki-chan_!"  Nico sing-songed.  "Always so _concerned_ about Nico.  Always _thinking_ of Nico."  She waggled a finger at Maki and tsked.  "As if anyone is going to miss the star of the show - _Nico Nico-Ni!_ "  She bounced up and down, waving her hands in the air.

 

There was another burst of laughter, this time all around the group.

 

The tension seemed to fade away, the lights beyond the tunnels suddenly weren't so dazzling.

 

Nico felt Maki's gloved hand brush against hers.  She smiled.

 

They walked out, all nine, the stage beckoning them.   

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since this is last story in this little trilogy, I wanted to spend a bit of time with some of the previous protagonists. This is the first chapter with that in mind and there will be at least one more. Also, this is the first chapter to go beyond the other stories in the overall timeline, no more worrying about continuity!
> 
> Sorry for the long delay between chapters. Hopefully the next will be up a bit sooner.
> 
> As always, thanks for reading!


	6. Again And Again

Nozomi was exhausted but couldn't sleep yet, didn't even try.

 

It was the elation; they had all been gliding on it afterwards.

 

_The finals._

 

A shock.  She had forgotten what they were all capable of together.  She would never forget again.

 

A glance at the clock hanging on the wall.

 

2:00 AM.

 

She had to be in school tomorrow.  Despite that, she knew an hour or two's sleep would be the best she could hope for. 

 

And besides, this was a night to savoir…

 

The achievement.  To be part of something bigger than herself. 

 

_Just to be part of something._

 

It filled a corner of her mind; a scared altar to what she had lacked for so long.  The bonds she craved for as a lone youngster, still wished for in a whisper on the verge of adulthood, perhaps without even realizing it.  Now she had it, and tangible proof of it.  She had lit the candles and sculpted the ornaments.  No matter what, it would always be there.

 

Even with the weight she placed on the night just passed, it was hard to recall anything to specific about the performance itself.  Just after stepping off stage, the previous few minutes had seemed like a frantic blur; another time, another place. The performer; she was a different person.

 

There had been no nerves while waiting for the announcement; they had all been too delirious in the aftermath.  Nozomi could remember everyone pressed together in small groups.  She had felt a little detached then, watching the weary-but-lovely smiles of her friends with the glee of someone used to watching from outside suddenly let into the warmth.

 

Then a light touch; a hand on hers, pressing it gently into the soft cushion of the sofa she had been sat upon.  The much-missed closeness; the tantalizing sensation of her breath against Nozomi's neck, the familiar tickle of blonde hair against her bare shoulder. 

 

Her heart had skipped a beat as she had reached out, wrapping her arm around Eli's shoulders, drawing her close.  Then rhythm had upped to double-time as Eli had acquiesced, sliding forward to lean against Nozomi's chest.  They had remained that way right up until the announcement had arrived.  The arrangement of the room had formed into a tableau set in her mind.  Something to be re-traced and examined forever more. 

 

Nozomi recalled another moment; she had glanced across the room to see Nico watching them with a small smile.  Their eyes had met, and then Nico's lips had curved wide, rife with smugness, before she had turned back to Maki. 

 

_Silly little Nico Nico-Ni..._

All of her meddling, running around behind the scenes.  You had to give it to her...

 

Nozomi jumped as her phone pinged with a message.  She flicked it open.

**Eli:**   Can't sleep.  Still can't believe it.  You were amazing tonight!

 

 **Nozomi:** I can't believe we

 

Nozomi paused in typing her reply.  Another message was received, pushing the thread up.  It was a picture.  She clicked to enlarge.

 

It was of Eli, a selfie.  Further examination revealed the following facts:

 

\- She was sat on her bed.  The soft light of a bedside lamp bloomed from one side of the frame, casting Eli's face between light and shadow.

 

\- She was wearing a T-shirt.  Simple, white and long.  Nothing else, Nozomi suspected.

 

\- She was smiling.  They type of smile derived from satisfied exhaustion.

 

\- Her hair was messy, probably bedhead.  She had tried to sleep without success (as mentioned).

 

All in all, it was unremarkable.  So unremarkable that it was remarkable, Nozomi reasoned.

 

She deleted her reply she started to type and started anew.

 

_Elichi, Elichi, Elichi..._

**Nozomi:** I want to see you

 

She stopped again.

 

That picture.  She found herself staring at the girl enclosed within it, the fine point of her vision gravitating towards her eyes.  One in shadow, the other over-illuminated and blown out.

 

A shame.  Of course, she could them remember them as they should be.  They were firmly entrenched in her mind.  They composed a sentiment, an image she could never quite articulate.  Something about the colour, the shape, a time and a place… 

 

_The sky of a never-ending summer's day._

_Surrounded by friends.  A circle of them._

_Surrounded by her.  When they had first kissed._

_A palpable sense of youth.  Otonokizaka…_

Nozomi put her phone down. 

 

She sat back.  Nothing to say. 

 

What could be said that hadn’t already been screamed?  How many more time could they hurl the same words at each other?

 

This had to end or begin anew, no more wandering about the middle.

 

She took a deep breath and sank back into her couch.  She was still a fatalist at heart.

 

She would wait for the morning to come right here and see what it brought.

 

*******************

 

At some point she had curled up for maybe two hours.  When she woke up it was a little too early to leave for school.  Nonetheless, she got ready and left.

 

It was still snowing out but it was very fine now, a faint, glimmering haze in the air.

 

She stepped lightly, barely leaving prints.  Her winter coat warded off the cold effectively; the morning chill only gave her a clearer frame of mind as she breathed it in.

 

She caught an early train.  It glided through the waking city.

 

In the blink of an eye she was Otonokizaka.

 

She stepped off the train and saw a familiar figure drawn away by the escalator.  She nearly called out as the last few wisps of blonde hair disappeared from view.  Instead, she followed at her own pace, nervous but determined not to panic.

 

When she walked out onto the street she saw her.  She paused on the steps and hesitated. 

 

Eli paused and turned around as if she had heard her name called.

 

Nozomi caught her gaze.  Neither could bear to look away.  They both knew it.

 

It started to snow; the white fell like gauze over her vision.

 

She was back at night outside of her apartment, falling into Eli’s arms, the bottomless chasm of her embrace.

 

She was back at the night in her apartment, Eli’s drunken hands all over her body, enfolded in the lust and the shame of the advantage she claimed.

 

She picked her way down the steps, kept her eyes on the blue.

 

“This is never going to be easy.”  Eli told her.

 

Nozomi shook her head.  “I can’t ever imagine not feeling this way about you.”

 

Eli nodded, a melancholy glaze slipping over her eyes as she looked down.  She appeared opaque to Nozomi within that moment.

 

“I don’t know.”  She said, seemingly just to speak.

 

“Why can’t we enjoy it?  Even if it ends in spring, why be miserable now?”  Nozomi had been holding them in for so long that the words seemed to lunge out from her throat.

 

Eli shrugged and looked at her.  She shrugged again and slowly shook her head, as if trying to shake Nozomi’s logic loose.

 

Nozomi watched her, aware that she should have more to say, something to sway her; an unassailable point that had always been there, simply waiting for this moment to be paid clarity.  Instead, she was mute; almost empty. 

 

Eli reached out for her hand.  Nozomi took it, and despite them both wearing gloves, felt the deep freeze of Eli’s skin; like grasping an icicle.

 

Wordlessly, they left the station behind, making slow progress in the general direction of the school.

 

Eli didn’t say anything, and for some reason, Nozomi was thinking about everyone else; how they felt as they awoke and the first thoughts of their significant other.  The little things you were snagged on before you were daunted by the towering realisations of how you really felt.

 

Then she thought about Maki; how terrifying it must be to fall in love with Nico.  She started to laugh.  Eli glanced her way.

 

“What’s so funny?”

 

“I was just thinking: why does everyone else in μ's have it so easy?”

 

“I don’t know about easy…”

 

“They don’t have to deal with you, like I do.”

 

“Look at what I have to deal with.”  She moped.

 

“Look at what you _get_ to deal with.”  Nozomi corrected her, gesturing to her chest.  

 

“It’s not always about your boobs.  That’s something I never thought I’d have to repeat multiple times to one person.”

 

“Excuse you, I was referring to my pure soul.”

 

“Sure.”  Eli shook her head but kept her eyes fixed ahead.

 

“Talk about a one-track mind…”

 

“And don’t forget that kind heart of yours.”

 

“Of course.”

 

“It’s practically synonymous with your name.”

 

“That’s so sweet of you to say.”

 

“Oh no, that’s just an honest observation.”

 

“Still, I’m flattered.”

 

It was almost enough to make Nozomi forget where they were and when; what was probably going to happen next.  Spurred on by a suddenly recklessness, she leaned in and quickly kissed Eli’s cheek.  Eli didn’t flinch, but Nozomi saw half a warning in her eyes.  Despite that, she felt fingers tighten around her hand.

 

_You’re not the only one waiting for the hurt._

 

“I forgot that flattery gets you everything.”  Eli muttered under her breath.

Nozomi couldn’t hold back a grin.

 

“Remind me, what was your partial persuasion?”

 

“I don’t have one.”

 

“Is that so?  And I had that Christmas bottle of vodka all wrapped up…”

 

Eli groaned.

 

“That’s not fair.  You can’t use that.”

 

“Fair?  I’m not the one who was banging my door down at three in the morning.”

 

Eli sighed and then hesitated where there should have been a comeback. 

 

They both knew they were prolonging a distraction, dancing in ever-tightening circles around _the point_. 

 

Nozomi decided she still had a few moves left.

 

“I think I’ve left it alone for long enough.  You’re fair game now, Elichi.”

 

“I suppose _you_ always have been.”

 

Nozomi bumped her hip against Eli’s. The blonde nearly slipped.  She took a moment to regain her footing before retaliating.  Nozomi laughed as she brushed up against the wall beside her.

 

“What colour underwear are you wearing?”  She asked innocuously.

 

“I’m not wearing any.”  Eli replied, totally straight.

 

Nozomi gulped, caught out for a moment before she clicked on the joke.  Eli nudged her with her elbow and winked.

 

“I took that line out of your book.”  She noted.

 

“Hmmm, that’s odd.  I distinctly remember you demanding the same details from me.”

 

Eli blushed.  She ruffled her scarf up around her face in an attempt to mask it.

 

“Can you imagine not having this?”  Nozomi asked after a few moments.

 

“What?”

 

“This.  _This_.”

 

“Oh, yeah…  It’ll be a real tragedy when it’s over.”

 

“You won’t be saying that when I’m not here to cheer you up everything morning.”

 

“Yes, that’ll be the hardest part.  Not waking up to you…”  Eli paused as the words slipped away from her.

 

Nozomi stopped two paces ahead and turned to glance back.  A faint smile ghosted her lips as Eli watched her to see if she caught the inference.

 

“Without me to soften you up, don’t be surprised if you have no friends.”  She teased.

 

Eli pulled a face and then carried on walking.

 

“You were always fond of an early morning thrill as well.”  Nozomi murmured, reaching over to pinch Eli’s side.

 

She squeaked and then shoved Nozomi away, eyes live and thunderous.  She upped her pace, leaving Nozomi behind for a few moments until she caught up.

 

“I suppose you’ll miss winding me up every five minutes.”

 

“Figuratively or literally?”  Nozomi winked.

 

Eli shook her head.  “You know, I genuinely worry about letting you loose on an unsuspecting world.  Who knows what could happen without me there to keep you in line.”

 

“Mistress is very strict.”  Nozomi commented dryly.

 

El bristled.  “You can make all the jokes you want but you don’t know what you’ll be missing.”

 

“Oh, but I do.  That’s why I can let go.”  She said it before she could stop herself.

 

Eli stopped abruptly and turned to Nozomi, who paused in turn, desperately trying to keep her cool.

 

“Why…  Why do you…  What do you mean?”

 

“I think it’s pretty self-explanatory.”  Nozomi was here now anyway, she held her nerve.

 

“Don’t do that.  Say it.”

 

“What else can I say?”

 

_How many times have you said it?  Always in one way or another._

 

She stood there, rooted to the spot as Eli’s eyes raked over her; scoping every inch, every wrinkle and crease as she delved deeper and deeper.  They were looking for something.

 

_But aren’t you the one who told her to be honest?_

 

Did she have something to hide?  There was a murkiness in her mind as she tried to deny it.

 

_You made her say it._

 

A half-forgotten something that she didn’t want to remember.  Something more than the words, though they still burned…

 

_“We shouldn’t be together anymore.”_

 

“H-how…”  Eli stumbled and hesitated.

 

“How?”  Nozomi prompted, not missing a beat.  She wanted this to be over.

 

“How do you feel about me?”

 

Nozomi nearly laughed, she had to choke it down.

 

_How many times can you bring yourself to say it?_

 

“…You are my best friend.  I’m infatuated with you.”

 

Eli was still peering at her, eyes digging so deeply for something to back up the words she heard. 

 

Nozomi began to feel like she was on trial under those eyes, sinking for a crime she hadn’t committed.  Or maybe she had; perhaps she had just forgotten the true nature of it.

 

Eli nodded once and then…  Nothing.

 

“So..?”  Nozomi prompted.

 

“Okay.”  Eli replied.

 

“Okay?”

 

“You…  This is what you want?  Whatever happens in spring happens.”

 

“…Yeah.”  Nozomi narrowed her eyes, looking for something left unchecked in Eli’s demeanour.  Something to clue her into what it seemed like she had just said…

 

“So…  You want to…  This…  We’re together again?”  The words didn’t string together, couldn’t have, the question was unnatural.

 

“Yeah.  Like you said, _why be miserable_?”  She said it slowly, each word ringing quietly.

 

“Yes.”  The word barely left Nozomi’s lips but she was sure she said it.

 

_Is this really happening?_

“Okay.  We’ll try it your way.”  Eli nodded and offered her hand.

******************************

 

Little else was said on the rest of the journey to school.

 

Nozomi gradually began to feel like she was ascending, walking on air.  Eli nestled into her side as they approached Otonokizaka, forcing this morning’s revelations to sink in, drop by drop.

 

She could remember what had happened but choose not to dwell on it.  She didn’t want to be wrong.  The silence was welcome, it was a die cast mould; the longer it went on, the more likely it was that this arrangement could be set and made permanent.  To tweak or discuss now would only lead to ruin.

 

They arrived at clubroom to find it locked.  They waited.

 

The silence, even with so much seemingly hanging on it, was comfortable.  It reminded Nozomi of their time together last spring and summer, when gradually she had begun to feel that words were a secondary form of communication.

 

Obviously they heard Nico long before she appeared with Maki, chirping away with abandon while her redheaded companion stared stoically ahead, an ever-so-slight smile tugging at the corners of her mouth intermittently.

 

They paused before Nozomi and Eli.  The sudden quiet was pronounced for just a second longer than seemed natural, and Nozomi wondered if it was obvious, if they could already see it?  Or perhaps they just didn’t need formalities right after last night’s coming together. 

 

Nozomi tried to collect her thoughts as Maki nodded in her direction.  She smiled in return, hearing the soft murmur of good mornings between Eli and Nico.

 

She glanced at Nico as she heard click of the clubroom’s lock come loose.  Nico pulled the key out of the door and slid it open, turning to look back at her classmates.  She had a smug little smile playing across her lips as she nodded to herself.

 

A little too smug, Nozomi decided.

 

“Maki, when you’re alone with Nicocchi, does she ever call you _Onee-san_?”

 

Nico eyes went wide for a moment before they lasered in on Nozomi.

 

“W-what?  I don’t understand.”  Maki answered in bewilderment.

 

Eli laughed for exactly one second before stopping abruptly, immediately adopting a guilty visage.

 

“Fuck you.”  Nico snapped at Nozomi.

 

She grabbed Maki by the arm and dragged her inside, closing the door behind them.

 

Eli sniggered once but Nozomi held her hand up for quiet.  On the other side of the door they could hear Maki…

 

“…But you’re older than me.  It doesn’t make sense.  Why would you call me that?”

 

They heard Nico groan loudly before Maki clicked.

 

“…Oh.  That’s…  N-no…”  You could practically hear her blush.

 

They both gave up any attempt to hold back their laughter.

 

*********************

 

_It’s better than being miserable._

 

Whoever thought Nozomi would seal the deal with a line like that?

 

_Why can’t we enjoy it now?_

 

Maybe Eli simply wasn’t one for flowery figures of speech?

 

Hmmmm…  Perhaps…  Perhaps.

 

Nozomi had her suspicions, but she kept them tucked away.  There was too much at stake, or so she told herself, to overthink.  This was what she wanted, why twist it beyond that?

 

There was friction at first; rough edges rubbing each other raw, but they eased back into place as the days passed.  They remembered things by touch, the sweet spots to caress around and the voices to use, a quiver or an inflection of longing, sometimes just a course whisper said everything.

 

Their New Year’s vacation was in Nozomi’s apartment; Eli had permission to stay over.

 

That was everything they needed.

 

Nozomi knew she was falling, plummeting back into something she had been so roughly fished out of.  The sense of warning never went away, but it always didn’t intrude; in Eli’s arms she could forget.

 

_This will last._

Her mantra, she repeated it over and over.  There was no plan.  It might as well have been a prayer.

 

_It has to._

It all blurred; time shifted suddenly, forward two days and then back to yesterday, the moments and touches she had missed the first time, then it careened off into tomorrow and beyond.

 

They returned to Otonokizaka in January for the last time.  No more returns, the next time they left would bring _change_ , a brooding word for Nozomi, she tried to discard its supposed promises at every turn.

 

_Spring._

It was still winter.  There were no blooms yet.

 

_Whatever happens in spring happens._

Nozomi found loneliness a sudden curse, she pulled Eli closer.  Alone, she would brood; willing the snow to fall forever more.

 

_Spring._

Time found its natural rhythm and progression beyond the spell at the end of the year.  It would march on.  She couldn’t stop it.

 

*********************

 

At least with the return to school came a series of distractions synonymous with μ's.

 

They were all in the clubroom at lunchtime, some studying or getting a head-start on homework, while others merely pretended.  A prime example was Maki, who had a small fortress of open books around her.  In contrast beside her, Nico was flicking through her phone, a notebook laid open and forgotten on the table before her.

 

It was Maki, fresh from her bizarre run in with Nico just before Christmas, who kicked off this particular chapter; sitting back and sighing in frustration.

 

“What’s wrong?”  Hanayo asked from across the table.

 

“These equations…  I can’t get the formula straight in my head.”  Maki dropped her pen and gave the textbook in question a baleful stare.

 

“Which module is that?”  Eli asked, glancing up.

 

Hanayo held up the textbook for Eli to see further down the table, she was on the same section.

 

“Okay…  Okay, I remember…”  Eli scanned the page.

 

Nico looked up, noticing that Maki had taken her pen back up, eager to note Eli’s advice.

 

“You need your Senpai’s help.”  Nico sing-songed.

 

“Yes, that’s why- ”

 

“-That’s why Nico’s here!”

 

“Nico-”  Eli tried in vain to derail her classmate.

 

“Let Nico get to work, she remembers how bad you were at maths.”

 

“What!?”  Eli shot her an outraged look.

 

“Nico-chan, let’s-”  Maki began, a patronizing look taking shape.

 

“Nico Nico-Ni!”  Nico announced as she grabbed Maki’s textbook. 

 

“Hey!”  Maki snapped.

 

Ignoring her, Nico took her pen (pink, with a hint of glitter) and wrote something in the book with wide strokes.

 

Maki shoved her and snatched her book back.  She examined Nico’s work.

 

“That's…  Just your name…”  Maki shook her head before turning to glare at Nico.

 

“Signature.”  Nico corrected.

 

“Your _signature_.  That really helps.  Thanks.”  Maki replied with barely concealed sarcasm.

 

“It’s always the right answer, Maki-chan.”  Nico winked, striking another pose.

 

“A-anyway…”  Hanayo turned back to Eli, who gestured her over.

 

Hanayo got up and walked over to Eli, bringing the textbook with her for closer examination.

 

“Nico’s telling you.  Wrong person.”

 

“What are you talking about?”  Eli looked up from the textbook.

 

Nico shrugged and looked away pointedly.

 

“I am not bad at maths.”  Eli said, a whine of desperation entering her voice.

 

“Nico didn’t say that.”

 

“You just said _exactly_ that.”  Maki said.

 

“Am I bad at maths?”  Eli turned to Nozomi, who was sat next her.

 

“What’s one hundred and seventy-seven thousand divided by nine hundred and fifty-four?”  Nozomi asked.

 

“What?  How-”

 

“One hundred and eighty-five, point five.”  Nozomi interrupted.  “I guess you are.  Sorry Elichi.”

 

“You memorized that!  It doesn’t-” Eli started.

 

“She’s right!”  Honoka exclaimed, having whipped out her phone to check.

 

“Wow!  You’re a human calculator!”  Rin looked up at Nozomi in awe.

 

Nozomi shrugged, offering a faintly apologetic smile for Eli.

 

“…Whatever.”  Eli simmered, turning back to Hanayo.

 

“See?”  Nico turned to smile smugly at Maki.

 

“No, I don’t.”  Maki replied dryly, and then, after a moment’s contemplation, poked Nico in the arm with her pen.

 

“Stop _assaulting_ Nico!”  She cried out.

 

“What a drama queen.”  Maki said with a thin smile.  She jabbed with her pen again.

 

“…Here we go…”  They all heard Umi mutter against the muted backdrop of Kotori giggling.

 

“You’re jealous of Nico!”  Nico continued to whine while frantically swinging her arms around, an inept attempt to slap away Maki’s fast hands.

 

Maki poked her again for good measure.  “Why don’t you try studying instead of being a professional distraction?”

 

“Good luck with that argument.”  Eli muttered.

 

“Nico is the _epitome_ of concentration.  It’s not her fault you all _want_ to be distracted.  Or that Nico attracts attention so easily.”  Nico fired back.

 

“Ugh, can’t you bother someone else?”  Maki rolled her eyes.

 

“Maki-chan!”  Rin loudly interjected herself. “You can’t leave small children unsupervised!”

 

Nico pounded her fist against the table and spun around to shoot a poisonous glare at Rin.

 

“That _isn’t_ funny!”  She screamed.

 

“Seems pretty funny to me.”  Nozomi noted as she chuckled.

 

“And me.”  Eli agreed, quietly.

 

“It _isn’t_ funny because you’ve told that joke about a million times!  And it _wasn’t_ funny to begin with.”  Nico addressed the room, waving her arms around with all the force of an entire troupe of freshly-graduated amateur dramatics.

 

“She never shuts up, can you do something about that?”  Maki asked Rin.

 

“Maybe she’ll grow out of it-”  Rin began.

 

Nico retaliated with a snarl, snatching Maki’s pencil case from the table and throwing it at Rin.

 

Nozomi blinked.  The next few moments seemed to happen in slow-motion.

 

“Rin-chan!”

 

Everyone turned to see Hanayo scream and then run across the room, throwing herself in front of Rin, as if trying to thwart an assassination.  She landed on Rin’s lap, the pencil case harmlessly bouncing off her side.

 

There was a silence derived from awe in the aftermath.

 

“K-Kayo-chin…”  Rin was struck dumb.

 

Hanayo scrambled to her feet, suddenly aware that the room’s eyes were all on her.  She nervously shuffled back several steps, as if to move out of focus.

 

Curiously, Nozomi watched her for a moment, an idea taking shape.  She turned to spy Kotori across at the head of the table and reached out to grab Eli’s pencil case.

 

“I wouldn’t.”  She heard the warning just as she hefted the case to throw it.

 

It sailed through the air, heading towards Kotori.  Nearly a foot from her, Umi’s hand suddenly shot out, caught the case and launched it back Nozomi.

 

Nozomi only had a split second to get her hand up before it rapped against her knuckles.  It hadn’t been one of her super-sonic pillows, but it certainly hadn’t been one of her love arrows either.

 

She looked back up to find Kotori smiling smugly as she leaned into Umi.

 

Eli snatched her pencil back and frowned at Nozomi, before turning and throwing it at Nico.

 

It hit her square on the forehead.  She fell out of her chair and then scrambled back to her feet a moment later.  She glared at Nozomi, apparently the culprit by default in her eyes.  She moved to throw the case back but paused, turning to glare daggers down upon Maki.

 

“ _Thanks_.”  She spat, her voice hanging heavy on the word.

 

“What?”  Maki shrugged.  “You deserved it.”

 

Nico pulled a face and then threw the case at Nozomi with all her might.

 

Nozomi threw her hands up again, but this time there was no impact.  She looked up to find that Eli had caught it.  She smiled at Nozomi and then bopped her on the nose with it.

 

“Looks like I’ve got you covered.”  She winked; the glimmer of an elusive fox in eyes.

 

Nozomi took a deep breath, inadvertently sucking in her scent.  “Thanks.”

 

Eli stayed close, her smile widening.  Nozomi felt herself go slightly limp.

 

Honoka wolf-whistled, causing them both to blush.

 

“Go be gay somewhere else, we’re trying to study here.”  They turned to find Nico glaring at them, partially hidden behind several of her girlfriend’s propped up textbook.

 

“Nico-chan…”  They all heard Maki’s familiar sigh.

 

“Your call?”  Nozomi offered.

 

Eli glanced back at her, a raised eyebrow and faint smile.

 

A familiar sound distracted them all.

 

Nozomi smiled, half smug and half relieved.

 

_Saved by the bell._

 

********************

 

Since last December it had become something of a habit for Nozomi to join Nico on the way home.  It was a short detour to Nico’s, an extra line change and a few extra stops; maybe fifteen minutes.  And though her diminutive classmate would never admit it, Nozomi knew she liked the company.  Having to see Maki off at the end of each day left her a touch listless, wounded in her own way.  At some point Nozomi had decided that it was her job to help perk her favourite idol back up.  Besides, as Nozomi grudgingly recalled, Nico had kind of done the same for her a month or two back.

 

A few days later found the two third-years on such a journey.  Hoping to narrowly avoid the Tokyo rush after an early finish, they stood awaiting a train on the station platform.

 

“Your hair’s nice today.”  Nozomi commented.

 

“Better than yours on any day.”  Nico replied, her voice somewhat morose.

 

“I suppose so.”

 

“You supposed right.”

 

Nozomi smiled.  It was when Nico didn’t bite that you _really_ had to worry.

 

Still, she examined at her classmate carefully; her gaze had drifted down the train tracks, eyes unfocused.  She shivered slightly.

 

Nozomi reached and put an arm around her shoulder, pulling Nico against her. 

 

“Get off.  I’m too tired to deal with you.”

 

“Does that mean I get my way with Nicocchi?”

 

“No.”  She snapped, a little life returning.

 

She tried to elbow Nozomi but the combined padding of their coats nullified any impact.

 

Nico groaned and then growled low as Nozomi chuckled.

 

“It’s so cold out; I just want to warm my Nicocchi up.”

 

“Ugh…  Hate you.”  Nico mumbled as she gave up struggling, letting herself lean against Nozomi.

 

A minute or so passed.  Something occurred to Nozomi.

 

“Have you noticed anything difference about Elichi lately?”

 

“You mean your _girlfriend_?  But not really your _girlfriend_?”  Nico taunted.

 

_Punch her._

 

“Yeah, that’s the one.”  Nozomi kept her cool instead.

 

“Nico supposes…  She looks a little happier lately.”

 

“Really?”  That surprised Nozomi for some reason.

 

“You must be a great lay.”  Nico commented.

 

_Has she been happier?  That makes sense, right?_

 

“Of course.”

 

Nico sniggered.  “So?”

 

“So what?”

 

_Since when?_

 

“Are you two married now or whatever?”  Nico jibed.

 

“Not yet.”

 

_Why?  Just because of us?_

 

“Ugh…  Well, Nico is getting very tired of this will they, won’t they, but obviously they will-type affair you have going on.  It would be great if you could wrap it up.”

 

“You’re telling me.”

 

_…Just until spring?_

“I suppose Nico is going to have to step in.”

 

That got Nozomi’s attention.  She glanced down to find a pair of crimson eyes twinkling back at her.

 

“Really?  Pray to tell.”

 

“Obviously, Nico always has a plan.  And since _you’re_ the problem, _as always_ , Nico is going to take you to the one person who can help, besides Nico, of course.”

 

“Why am I the problem?”

 

“Because you’re asking.  So there.”

 

“What does that-”

 

Nico shushed her suddenly. 

 

“Tomorrow.  Nico will reveal her master plan tomorrow.”

 

“Why not today?”

 

“Because you should be patient for greatness.”

 

“That’s why you’re my favourite idol, I suppose.”

 

“That’s why I’m everyone’s _#1 idol_.”  Nico corrected her as the train rolled into the station.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally! An update!
> 
> A short chapter to check in with Nozomi. Hopefully the next one won't take so long.
> 
> The events referred to in the second half of the chapter between Nico and Maki are chronicled in the side story 'I'm Good. I'm Gone.'
> 
> As always, thanks for reading!


	7. All The Beautiful Girls (Umi & Kotori)

Her thoughts were drifting, floating beyond arm's reach. 

 

_Light as a feather._

She could just let go...  It felt fine.

 

Umi frowned on reflex.

 

It was _not_ fine.

 

It was a sneaking feeling...  It settled on her, early in the morning on the train; she would feel Kotori's soft weight leaning against her shoulder and... 

 

Sometimes it crept upon her mind in the evening as well.  It seemed ever-present, at least since...

 

Umi felt herself blush; a tingle in her cheeks.  

 

...For a while now.

 

She heard Kotori take a deep breath, a slight shiver and a faint rustle.  Then a hand began to run though her hair, playing with the tips and tickling the small of her back.

 

"You smell so good this morning."  Barely a whisper, but there was a sinister twinkle there.

 

"...No."  Umi mumbled.

 

" _So_ nice _._   Very _tempting_."

 

"N-no."

 

Fending Kotori off was a matter of delicacy; if Umi was too blunt, as she often was, she found that her girlfriend was very adept at twisting her own logic around so that she became the unreasonable one. 

 

That, or she just pouted a lot. 

 

They were equally effective measures for inspiring a sense of guilt in the pit of Umi's stomach.

 

This morning though, she hardly felt in a state to marshal her forces of cunning to palm Kotori away.  She suspected her girlfriend knew that this was the time of day to strike.

 

And maybe, if Umi was being admirably sincere, she didn't really mind...  _Personally_. 

 

It was just that...  She had an appearance to uphold and standards to set.  A Sonoda never took these things lightly.  So despite what she may have wanted...

 

"Maybe it's something...  Your conditioner or...  Maybe it's just you?" 

 

She felt Kotori's face press into her neck.

 

"Bu...  N-n...  H-here..."  There was a pathetic whine low in her throat that betrayed the whisper.

 

An arm slid around her waist, encompassing her.

 

" _Umi_..."  That siren's song teased her ear, warm breath and all.

 

The train came to an abrupt stop at the next station.  As they bumped together she felt Kotori press harder.  A gasp just barely escaped her lips; the sound of surrender.

 

Ironically, she rescued by the appearance of her life-long adversary / friend.

 

"What's up!?"  Honoka _leapt_ into the carriage the moment the doors slid open.

 

"H-Honoka-chan!"  Kotori was caught off guard, bolting upright from her romantic reverie.

 

Umi cleared her throat and glanced up, praying that her blush was receding.  "Good morning."

 

"What were you two up to, I wonder?"  Honoka put a finger to her lips as she smirked.

 

Caught up as she was in her dramatic entrance, Honoka failed to spot the group of commuters who were bundled up behind her, trying to squeeze by impatiently.

 

"Honoka, get out of the way."  Umi instructed.

 

"Need some privacy?"  She taunted, still unaware.

 

Umi growled in response, a familiar sense of irritation creeping up her throat.  Kotori heard it as well.

 

"Honoka-chan, come and sit down."  Kotori gestured to the seat next to her.

 

There was cacophony of whistles emanating from the platform as the train conductors homed in on the disturbance.

 

_Disorder._

A frown creased Umi's lips.

 

Honoka smiled smugly and shook her head.  She just about to let another taunt loose when Umi pounced from her chair, grabbed Honoka's arm and dragged her back to seat next to Kotori, shoving her down.

 

"You need-"  Umi targeted Honoka with a firm lecture.

 

"Now, now."  Kotori interjected sharply; aware of the series of glares the group was receiving from the boarding group of commuters.  "Let's all _relax_."

 

Umi sighed and shook her head, but relented and took her seat after a moment.

 

"It's not like it's a secret."  Honoka grumbled, sulking.

 

"We know...  But..."  Kotori sighed.

 

"You don't need to shout it out every morning."  Umi snapped.

 

"You did."  Honoka fired back.  "In front of everyone, and it was on a train!"

 

"That wasn't....  W-wasn't..."  Umi stuttered to a halt.

 

" _Girls_."  Kotori put arm around each of her companions and drew them closer.  " _Calm down_.  Besides, it's still early.  There's plenty more time for mischief yet."  Her cheery tone immediately alleviated the tension.

 

"M-mischief!?"  Umi spluttered, her cheek pressed against Kotori's shoulder.   

 

Honoka giggled.  "Of course.  You never know what Umi-chan's going to do!"

 

"That's right."  Kotori agreed with an accompanying giggle.

 

"What!?  I do not-"  Umi felt the fire in her throat.

 

"Recent history says otherwise."  Kotori's riposte stopped her in her tracks.

 

Umi tried desperately to fight back.  Her mouth opened and closed repeatedly, but there were no words; no way to justify and remind everyone of the _valid reasons_ she had acted upon.

 

"Crazy Umi-chan."  Honoka piled on, snickering.

 

"And that's why I love you."  Kotori struck the final blow, whispering the fatal words into Umi's ear.

 

She recoiled, pulling away as her face burned bright.

 

_It's not fair._

That was all she could dwell on as she simmered against the sound of her friends giggling all the way to school.

 

*********************

 

The day continued on in that vein, plummeting to even lower depths at lunchtime.

 

She was on her own, Honoka and Kotori having left to procure some lunch while Umi remained to press on with student council paperwork. 

 

There was a quiet solitude in her work, in the shaping the council workflow; putting everything in its place and right order.  It was an opportunity to go back to basics in a world that had changed so rapidly over the last year.

 

Sadly, this brief sense of peace was broken as the door slid open and Nico strutted in.  Umi snapped up from her work in time to see Nozomi strolling in her classmate's wake.  A sense of dread hollowed out her stomach.

 

_Think fast!_

"Ni-"

 

"Please knock and wait to be called in before entering the student council room."  Umi cut in, full authoritarian.

 

Nico stopped in her tracks and frowned.

 

"That's-"

 

"Outside, please."  Umi's voice stayed firm as she gestured to the door.

 

Nico groaned and turned to Nozomi, who shrugged.  They both trooped out, closing the door behind them.

 

There was a polite knock after a few moments.

 

Umi went back to her paperwork.

 

Nico's arrival wasn't entirely a surprise.  Earlier in the day Umi had received a text from her; a selfie, accompanied by one her trite catchphrases.  The girls had all long since figured out that this was Nico's way of telling you she wanted to speak to you.

 

Still, Umi was determined to resist whatever fresh hell this was, at least for as long as possible.

 

The knocking quickly stepped up from _polite_ to _irritated_.  After a minute, Nico was clearly just hammering away on the door.  There was a brief pause, and then a loud bang.  From the subsequent screaming (Nico) and laughter (Nozomi), Umi assumed that had been Nozomi pushing her mini-companion into the door.

 

Unfortunately, it brought her reprieve to an end.  The door was thrown open once more and Nico stormed in.

 

"Nico's a busy girl, so pipe down and listen up!"  She screeched, slamming her fists against Umi desk.

 

Umi sighed and looked up, reluctantly.

 

"What?"

 

"Let's perk up that attitude."  Nico warned, glaring at her.

 

"What?"  Umi repeated, just louder.

 

"Nicocchi, you really need to work on your people skills."  Nozomi chastised with a faint smile, as she drifted in behind Nico.

 

Nico pulled a face vaguely in her direction before focusing back on Umi.

 

"Now, Nico needs your help.  So listen up and listen good."  Nico began, her whole bearing shifting instantly to classic chirpy Yazawa.

 

Umi felt the urge to vomit creep up her throat.

 

"Of course, we all know how Nico can solve any problem she puts her mind to, but there's only so much even a super-idol like Nico can do, and frankly, it's about time the rest of you pulled your weight."

 

"A fascinating observation."  Umi noted.  "I'll be sure to keep it in mind."

 

"Nico knows you will.  So now it's time for you help out your senpai!"

 

Umi regarded Nico wearily.  What exactly was she walking into here?

 

"Oh no!"  Nico gasped in pre-arranged embarrassment and waved her gaze away.  "Obviously, we're not talking about Nico!"  She giggled and smiled faux-shyly.

 

Umi wondered how Maki hadn't murdered Nico yet; it was surely only a matter of time.

 

"I'm talking about this hopeless loser."  Nico chirped, gesturing to Nozomi.  " _Obviously_ , you know the score with her and the Ice Queen, and that's where you come in."

 

Umi's gaze shifted back and forth between her two seniors rapidly.  She noted a inquisitiveness growing in Nozomi gaze as she watched Nico.

 

_What the hell is she talking about?_

 

Nico snapped her fingers several times in front of Umi to get her attention.

 

"Are you following?  So, Nico thought, since you're the only one who can communicate with Blondie, you could...  Tutor Nozomi to be a nerd, like you two."

 

Umi blinked several times and looked back down at her work, before looking back up into the expecting gaze of Nico, vainly hoping she simply wouldn't be there.

 

"Wha...  _What?_   What on earth are you talking about?"

 

Nico sighed theatrically as Nozomi chuckled softly.

 

"Nicocchi, what are you scheming?"

 

" _Scheming_!"  Nico repeated, looking aghast.

 

"Are you talking about Eli-senpai?"  Umi frowned.

 

" _Of course,_ I'm talking about Eli."  Nico swung back to her.

 

"The score...  With Nozomi...  What?"  Umi found herself laughing for some reason. 

 

_What...  What was is she talking about..?_

 

" _Oh My God_!"  Nico drawled.

 

Umi felt her hands twitch.  She would offer to help Maki cover up the crime when it inevitably occurred, she decided. 

 

"They're not exactly subtle about it."  Nico continued.

 

"Nicocchi."  Nozomi gave her a sharp glance.

 

"Subtle about what?"  Umi snapped.

 

Despite her irritation, Umi had the vague sense she was tipping towards something she didn't want to know.  Something about the way Nico was talking reminded her of something Kotori had said...

 

_Oh sure, they're always together...  Opposites attract._

 

"Well, that they're the most on-off couple of all time."  Nico spoke frankly for once.

 

Umi looked up at Nico, then Nozomi and then back at Nico.

 

Then it hit her.

 

She glanced back at Nozomi.

 

Then it _really_ hit her.

 

She gripped the edge of her desk tightly and felt herself choke.

 

"N-no...  No!  Not Eli-senpai!"  She wailed.

 

Nico immediately burst out laughing, staggering off to one side as she cackled.

 

Umi looked down at her desk, her eyes wide and unbelieving...  But...  It was true.  Somehow, now that she had heard it, she knew it.

 

But that meant...  Oh...  Oh no...  Not Eli-senpai...  No...  Not calm, sensible, meticulous and graceful Eli-senpai...  It couldn't be...  And with...  With...

 

"W-with you!"  She pointed an accusing finger at _her_.

 

Nozomi spread her palms and gave her a toothy grin as she chuckled.

 

Umi felt faint, her breathing ragged as her vision blurred. 

 

_Has the world gone mad?_

"Why!?"  Umi demanded, still pointing at Nozomi.  "Why with you!?  T-the worst!"  Making coherent sentences was far beyond her at this moment.  

 

"Hey...  I'm not that...  Well..."  Nozomi shrugged, flashing a wicked smile.

 

"H-how..?  I can't believe you didn't know!"  Nico had collapsed against a desk, racked with laughter.

 

"Oh!  Eli-senpai!"  Umi wailed again.

 

"D-d-do...  You..."  Nico was gasping for breath.  "  D-do you even know you're dating K-Kotori..?"  Nico fell back against the table, still shrieking with laughter.

 

"Shut up!" Umi cried, face pressed against her palms.

 

Time seemed to uncoil all around her.  There were images, things she couldn't help but imagine.  And then there were all of those moments that had seemed _odd_ amongst friends, which now made a new kind of sense...  Kind of like her and Kotori...  A _lot_ like her and Kotori...  But twisted into a horrible kind of sense that shouldn't add up...

 

...But it  _did_.

 

Eli must have been tricked...  Somehow.  That was the only explanation, the only reason...

 

"So, can you do it?"  Nico asked.

 

Umi blinked, her eyes suddenly focusing on the girl before her.

 

"W-what...  What do you want?"  She whined.

 

Nico was still tinted red with laughter, even so she frowned with impatience.

 

"Just...  You know...  Make her like you, so Eli will...  So they'll just stop annoying Nico!"

 

What kind of absurd idea was Nico dreaming up?  Whatever it was eluded Umi as she glanced over at Nozomi, who was watching them with a vaguely amused smile.

 

_Wait._

 

_Make her...  Like you?_

"You mean...  Teach..?"  Umi mumbled.

 

"Sure, why not?  Anything will do."  Nico giggled.

 

Was it such an absurd idea? 

 

It was... 

 

...Right?

 

But there was something rumbling away in the back of her mind.  Something that took Nico's inane premise and was rearranging it into something...  Something more...

 

_Turn Toujou Nozomi into a proper lady!_

Umi gasped.

 

_No..._

 

_...Yes!_

She turned to examine Nozomi.  It would be hard work, certainly.

 

"What?"  Nozomi regarded her cautiously.

 

"Y-you're asking a lot..."  Umi turned back to Nico.

 

"Sure.  She's probably a lost cause."  Nico cast a look of despair over at Nozomi.

 

"I'm sat right here."  Nozomi noted.

 

"Kotori banned me from presentations."  Umi muttered.

 

"It doesn't have to be a presentation."  Nico replied.

What a silly thing to say; Umi already had the title.  And three...  No, five chapter titles.  Not to mention the rough draft of her introduction.

 

"I think we've had enough fun for one day, Nicocchi-"

 

"-But this wouldn't be...  Technically...  _A presentation_..."  Umi cut in, oblivious.

 

"It doesn't have to be at all."  Nico repeated, a tad concerned.

 

" _Technically._ "  Umi eyed her.

 

"...Sure.  So, you'll do it?"

 

_Wait._

What was she getting herself into?  And there was Eli to consider...

 

"Well?"  Nico prompted.

 

"I'll...  I'll think about it."  Umi's eyes drifted to Nozomi once more.

 

"Well, at the very least it looks like I might have a date."  Nozomi grinned at her.

 

********************

 

She was still pondering Nico's proposition later that night, sat at her desk, zoned out as Kotori lounged around the room behind her.

 

Her mind had been pinballing between two events all day; the first, when she had told the whole group about her relationship with Kotori.  How Nozomi had teased and mocked her in front of everyone.  There had been something venomous there, and in light of today's events, that seemed even more pertinent.

 

The second had been when Nozomi had apologized for said mocking.  An exchange that Umi had found to be as bewildering as it had been sincere.  Though she wouldn't admit it, the plain honesty of the apology had struck her dumb.  She hadn't thought Nozomi capable of regrets.  To hear it had somehow been as unnerving as it had been welcome.

 

Umi sighed and leaned back in her chair.  The student council and μ's documents that were scattered before her seemed to lay just out of focus, the text blurring into a mess of schedules and checklists.

 

"I know that sigh."  A voice murmured.

 

Umi turned and glanced over at her girlfriend; she was laying on her back on Umi's bed, legs hanging over the edge.

 

"That's _Umi_ for _Trouble._ "  She spoke to the ceiling.

 

Umi peered at her.  The orb of light that emanated from her desk lamp faded away at the edge of the bed; Kotori's face remained a faint trace of an outline in the evening's dusk.

 

"I don't recall developing or employing my own set of linguistics."  Umi raised an eyebrow.

 

"Then you must be wondering how your girlfriend is so perceptive."  She giggled.

 

"No...  I mean, nothing's wrong.  Nothing...  At all."  Flustered, Umi couldn't stop herself from babbling.

 

She shivered, slightly unnerved by how easily Kotori _did_ seem to see through her.

 

"Then why don't you come here and let me warm you up?"  The offer drifted in from the dark.

 

"But the AC is already on."  Umi noted, perplexed.

 

There was another familiar sigh.  This time it was one that Umi recognized, though she didn't understand it.

 

"Just come over here.  Let Kotori make everything feel better."

 

Umi rubbed her tired eyes as she felt the offer seduce her stricter tendencies.

 

Obediently, she got up and walked over to the bed. 

 

She sat down and felt Kotori's arms wrap around her waist, pulling her back into an embrace.  She stiffened as she felt her girlfriend's breasts press up against her back.  Warm breath tickled her neck and a dizzying scent enveloped her, loosing up her body along with her inhibitions.

 

"Now, what's got my gorgeous Umi-chan all twisted up?"  Kotori's voice purred against her ear.

 

"Nothing."  She mumbled.

 

"Take your time then.  I'll be here all night."

 

"R-really?"  Umi half-turned but couldn't quite see her.

 

Kotori just giggled in response, leaning back and pulling Umi with her.

 

They stayed like that, in silence, for a time.

 

Umi drifted, her mind combing over today's events.  Her thoughts lingered on Nozomi...  And Eli.  It was still a shock.  The more she thought about it the more it seemed...

 

"If...  You had a friend.  No, two friends.  And one of them liked the other.  Or both of them liked each other...  But you didn't know!  Still, they...  Well...  Another friend told you something might be wrong with them, kind of.  And then you had a chance to help your two friends, even if...  What would you do?"  She blurted the words out without any thought of coherency.

 

"And who are these two lovebirds?"

 

"N...  Nanami and Aya."

 

"Nanami and Aya?  You're sure?"

 

"Y-yeah."

 

"And the other friend?"

 

"Ni...  A.  Nia."

 

"Okay.  Okay."  Umi could feel a suppressed giggle running through Kotori.

 

"So, what would you do?"  She pressed.

 

"I don't know.  What would you do?"  Kotori countered.

 

"That's not fair!"  Umi whined as she sat up.

 

"Do you think they're a good fit?"  Kotori probed gently, shifting her embrace up around Umi's shoulders.

 

"Absolutely not."  Umi asserted.  On this point there was perfect clarity.

 

"Well then...  That's it, right?"

 

"Yeah..."  But here the clarity drifted away.

 

"So why ask?"

 

Umi sank back into Kotori silently.

 

There was something...  A night she would rather forget; a time when she had believed that she had ruined her friendship with Kotori, when she had felt so alone that every half-thought and regret had echoed right back in her face, devoid of anyone else to listen.

 

And then _she_ had appeared.  Umi had been so despondent that she hadn't even considered the horror of being seen reeling from her lowest ebb.

 

But there hadn't been any jibes.  No jokes or prying.

 

Just an embrace.

 

And she hadn't felt so desperately alone anymore, nor any shame for her vulnerability.

 

The foolishness came later, of course; the usual routine of innuendo and...  Things that _she_ always did.

 

It had been different though.  Umi hadn't seen it at the time, but later it had slowly dawned on her that in a strange way, it had all been for her benefit.

 

"Do you think that...  Nanami is better off alone?"  Her girlfriend's soft whisper shook her from her reverie.

 

"...No."  Umi conceded with a huff.  She didn't have to like it.

 

"Then it sounds like you've got a job to do.  And we both know a Sonoda never leaves anything unfinished."

 

"...Ugh..."  Umi closed her eyes, willing the world away.

 

"I think Nanami's very lucky.  She's got the perfect girl on the job.  And so handsome too!"

 

Umi groaned and turned away.

 

_Time to dance with the devil._

********************

 

Umi took a deep breath,

 

"Nervous?"

 

She glanced at Nozomi, who was sat to one side of the clubroom table.  It was just the two of them.

 

"Are you?"  Umi countered.

 

"Of course.  Spending my lunchtime with a cute girl.  Who wouldn't be?"  She was smiling faintly, a sight Umi knew well.

 

_Bait._

Umi ignored it.  Instead, she flicked her laptop on and the machine began to whirr to life from sleep mode.

 

"Where's the big screen?"  Nozomi asked, gesturing to the laptop.  "No projector for me?"

 

"No."

 

"Ah, you need to be a little less conspicuous this time, huh?  Ya know...  After your ban."

 

Umi frowned.  "It _wasn't_ a ban."

 

"That's what _you_ called it."

 

"I...  It was not a _ban_ , it was an _encouragement_ to tone down formalities amongst friends.  I have addressed this concern by attempting to communicate through more casual channels."

 

Nozomi held up her hands.  "Whoa, I'm not the one who banned you.  But sure, whatever you say."

 

Umi glared at her for a moment and then thought better of it.  They were wasting precious time.  Another few clicked keys brought up the title page of her presenta...  Of the visual guide to her seminar.

 

"Wow."  Nozomi gazed at the screen wide-eyed.

 

Umi glanced down.

 

The title read:

_A guide on formal communication for romantic engagements._

"I thought you were toning down the formalities?"

 

"Shut up.  This is the first part of a series of lessons-"  Umi began, determined not to be derailed.

 

"-A _series_?"

 

"Shut up.  -That will help guide and refine your method of communication with your classmates."

 

" _Classmate_.  I'm only looking to bang one of them."

 

Umi closed her eyes and took a deep breath, fighting the urge to vomit.

 

"That's a prime example.  That is not how a lady should discuss her romantic affairs."

 

"There's only one member of my class that I would like to engage in sexual intercourse with."  Nozomi corrected herself, all prim and proper.

 

Umi nearly gagged again.  She closed her eyes momentarily and sought to grasp her previous resolve.  Opening her eyes, she honed in on Nozomi with her keenest and sternest instructor's gaze.

 

"Better.  Though, we can and _will_ do a lot more yet."

 

The door slid open suddenly and Nico strolled in.  She walked over to the table and sat down without comment.

 

Umi had to swallow a groan of irritation.  "What are you doing here?"

 

"I came to see the show."  Nico answer, her eyes flickering between Umi, the screen and Nozomi.  "Is she cured of being an asshole yet?"

 

"It's not-"  Umi began in vain.

 

"Now there are two cute girls."  Nozomi grinned, leaning across the table towards Nico and winking.  " _Bliss_."

 

"If you can divert her from the path of becoming a sexual predator, that would be great as well."  Nico glanced at Umi, before pulling her phone out and beginning to scroll through the screen.

 

Umi quickly flicked on the next page before Nozomi could retort; it was the content summary of today's lesson.

 

"Now.  First of all we're going to discuss the parameters of your current relationship and look for potential problem areas."  Umi shifted her attention back to Nozomi.

 

"My relationship with who?"

 

"You know who."  Umi frowned, a bitter taste forming in her mouth.

 

"I'm sorry, I'm not totally clear on who _exactly_ you're talking about."  Nozomi posed the question with her most affable smile.

 

Umi rolled her eyes and sighed.  She had known this moment would come, now she had to follow through.

 

"...Eli-senpai."  She couldn't quite keep the ice from her tone.

 

Nozomi nodded politely and gestured for her to continue.

 

Umi paused, caught between not wanting to let Nozomi to dictate her pace and the urge to power through. 

 

"If you want to know what Nico thinks-"  She started.

 

"-It's unlikely I'll ever ask that."  Umi cut back in, causing Nozomi to chuckle.

 

She was about to power on when she paused again, turning to Nico, who was glaring at her.

 

"You shouldn't be here..."

 

"Why?"

 

"You said you were going to distract the others so I could do this."  Umi desperately tried to not to let the oncoming sense of panic ride out over her voice.

 

Nico's face went vacant for a moment and then she glanced back at her phone.

 

"...Meh."

 

"What!?  What if Kotori-chan..."  Umi half-screamed.

 

Nico glanced up at her again and shrugged.  "It's probably fine."

 

_Probably._

 

Umi suppressed another groan and took a deep breath.

 

_A Sonoda never retreats._

 

"...So."  Umi turned back to Nozomi, who was watching her with a vaguely amused expression.  "Let's identify the problem and then we'll set some targets."

 

"Eli says I'm not _suave_ enough.  Can you teach me to be _suave_ , like you?"  Nozomi offered.

 

"No.  Sadly, you either have it or you don't."  Umi shot back.

 

Nico sniggered.

 

Umi allowed herself a small smile as she flicked the next card on.

 

"And since I knew you'd be incapable of any kind of self-examination I took the liberty of listing some likely issues."

 

Nico glanced up form her phone and cackled.

 

"This is already better than Nico could have hoped for."

 

"Let's look at the first two points; _an inability to discuss emotionally sensitive matters_ and _displays of immaturity at in appropriate times_..."

 

"Un-huh...  Uh-huh...  And these are...  Bad things..?"

 

Umi looked up to find that Honoka had suddenly materialized, sat next to Nozomi as she furiously scribbled in a notebook.

 

"Wha...  When did you get here!?"  Umi stared in dismay.

 

"So if I want to date Tsu...  Eli, I should...  Not do these things..?"  Honoka looked up eagerly.

 

"Oh my, it seems a rival has appeared."  Nozomi noted.

 

Umi closed her eyes and then opened them again, vainly hoping that her classmate would dissappear.  Much like last time, it didn't work.  Instead she met the same pair of intense blue eyes.

 

"S-sure..."  Umi answered.

 

"Okay!"  Honoka nodded, going back to her notebook.

 

_At least someone is taking it on-board._

"So-"

 

"Oh!  Will there be a test at the end of the lesson?"  Honoka cut in.

 

"No, There Will Not Be A Test At The End Of The Lesson, Honoka."  Umi snapped each word, her temper momentarily flaring.

 

"Cool, cool."  Oblivious, Honoka turned to Nozomi.  "I really hate tests."

 

"Me too."  Nozomi agreed before turning back to Umi, that faint playful smile back in place once more.

 

"Let's discusss-"

 

The door slid open again.

 

"There you are."  Maki stepped into the room, eyeing Nico.

 

"Maki-Maki-Ma!"  Nico announced, patting the seat next to her.

 

Maki stepped towards her and then paused, taking in the scene before her.

 

"W-what's going on?"

 

"Umi's teaching me how to be a _lady_."  Nozomi answered.

 

"That's-"  Maki started.

 

"-It's a tall order.  I know.  Now, since you're already here, come in and sit down.  Maybe you'll learn something."  Umi waved her in urgently.  "For what little use it'll be..."  She mumbled, eyeing an oblivious Nico with murderous intent.

 

Maki watched her cautiously as she took a seat next to Nico, her attention then turning to the laptop screen.

 

"Now.  Let's get back to the matter at hand..."

 

Umi paused to collect her thoughts.  She gazed around the club room, noting the mix of bemusement (Nozomi), eagerness (Honoka) and curiosity (Maki).  The sight of the redhead taking out a concealed notebook and pen, holding them ready under the table also caught her eye.

 

"At least Kotori isn't here..."  Umi mumbled to herself.

 

"Kotori-chan is just outside."  Honoka informed her.

 

There was a squeak beyond the doorway to confirm this, and then the sound of footsteps running away.

 

Umi sighed as everyone turned to her.  "Okay...  Okay."

 

She closed the lid of laptop and turned to Nozomi and that ever-provocative smile.

 

"Why do you like her?"

 

"Who?"

 

"Eli, why do you like Eli?"

 

"Must be that dancer's body."  Nozomi answered, not budging an inch.

 

"Why does she like you?"

 

Nozomi opened her mouth but there was no sound.  Umi could of sworn that she mouthed something, but...  there was nothing.  No quip, no comeback.  Nothing.

 

That smile melted away as Umi watched her.

 

_Checkmate._

 

*********************

 

Two days passed before Umi met with Nozomi again.  This time they were alone, and remained so for the duration of lunchtime.

 

Nozomi was withdrawn, Umi observed.  Her quips were less frequent and barely warranted that sharp, mischievous grin that most of the girls had come to dread.  Rather than her usual bold, open stare, she avoided eye-contact.  Instead, she seemed to stare into space.

 

_Listless_

It was all Umi could think.  It was an unsettling look for someone normally so vivacious.

 

_Why does she like you?_

A simple question, or so it seemed.  But if the last year had taught her anything, Umi knew that it was one of the hardest questions to answer.  To look inside was often to see an something ugly, something neglected; both truths and untruths.  Neither were kind.

 

But surely this was to look inward for the positives?

 

Still, Umi didn't ask a second time.  They talked, mostly Umi; a first-time for her concerning conversations with Nozomi.  They were dancing around the point, though.  All of her preparations; chapters and key-points seemed to flounder and fall quiet at her lips.

 

They spoke of Eli, and sometimes you could catch a flicker of life in Nozomi's eyes. 

 

But it wasn't...

 

What Umi saw in those moments confused her, it wasn't what she imagined she looked like when she spoke of Kotori.

 

She was out of her depth, and she knew it.

 

She took Nico aside the next evening after practise; the resident loud-mouth of their group seemed oddly ambivalent about the whole thing.

 

"...I don't seem to be able to make any progress."  Umi admitted.

 

"You seemed to do just fine the other day."  Nico replied off-hand, stretching her arms above her head and turning away. 

 

"Really?"

 

"You got her to shut up for five minutes.  Nico's never seen that before."

 

"But talking is what I need _her_ to do."  Umi watched Nico's swaying pigtails and idly contemplated pulling one of her ribbons loose.  That would be childish...

 

"Really?  I thought you loved the sound of your own voice.  All those presentations..."

 

She reached out and pulled a ribbon loose.

 

"Hey!"  Nico snapped, turning to glare at her.  "Maki told you to do that!"

 

Umi ignored the outburst.  She heard a snigger emanate from somewhere behind her.

 

"I'm not sure what to do next."  She admitted.

 

Nico sighed, paused and then sighed again, more dramatically.

 

"Just...  Nico assumed it would be obvious.  You and Blondie are practically the same person."

 

"Stop saying that."  Umi snapped.

 

Nico waved her off, glancing across the roof at Eli.

 

"I don't get it."  She admitted suddenly, voice plain and clear.  "Why can't they just..."  Her voice trailed off and she shook her head.

 

Umi waited; she didn't really have anything else to offer.

 

"Well, at least we've got the best girl for the job working on it."  She turned back to Umi with a cutesy smile.

 

"Why do people keep saying that?"  She huffed.

 

"Because you're so handsome!"  Nico squealed in an imitation of Kotori.

 

With that, she winked and snatched her ribbon back as she strolled past Umi, towards Maki, who had been trying (and failing) to casually eavesdrop on the conversation from a few paces away.  

 

************************

 

Maybe it was better to be direct, Umi mused.

 

She didn't bother with her laptop.  They sat outside on a cool February day.

 

"You don't have to keep doing this."  Nozomi noted.  "I think Nicocchi's had her fun now and I've played along.  You can go back to Kotori now."

 

Her tone wasn't cold, exactly.  It was...  Distant.

 

"Do you remember the night you found me crying in the classroom?"  Umi asked.

 

Nozomi didn't reply.  She was staring off into the distance again.

 

"When you walked in I hated you for being there.  I hated myself for allowing you to see me that way.  I wanted you to turn and walk away.  You didn't."

 

Nozomi glanced at her then, the edge of a smile careening across her lips.  She gave the slightest nod of acknowledgement.

 

"Good..."  Umi found herself smiling along.  "So, let's start again...  Why do you love Eli-senpai?"

 

*******************

 

In her room, she wasn't quite sure how it had happened.

 

She felt the scattering rattle of her chest as her breath rasped.

 

She looked down and took in the sight of Kotori's waist between her thighs.

 

Up to where her school shirt, unbuttoned, had split open in a V-shape, exposing the frills that lined her bra.

 

Up to meet Kotori's gaze.  Her hair was spread out, cascading askew across the bed.  There was a blush on her cheeks, it seemed to colour her skin with the perfect shade of cherry red for someone so exposed.  But her eyes...  She knew Kotori well enough to catch the calculations in her pupils, watching and regarding her; shifting from moment to moment.

 

Umi put a finger to her own lips and felt the heat, the lingering sensations seemed to echo upon contact.

 

Normally, this was where she would stop.  Indeed, the haze was over-powering; a combination of so many things, but the smell; Kotori's scent, was what always added depth to these memories.  A conditioner she used, her perfume (light, but deceptively heavy when pressed up closed) and _her_.  They were like layers of a painting; soft and ever-so-slowly enveloping.  They were both exotic and familiar.  They came from places she didn't know, with names she would struggle to pronounce.  But when they came together, she knew them.

 

For once she didn't want to stop.  She wanted to play the game.  She wanted to be the one who rolled the dice.

 

Her finger trailed down from her lips to her throat.  She let her ribbon fall loose and unbuttoned her collar, and then the rest of the buttons followed, one-by-one.  Ever-so-slowly.

 

She shrugged her shirt off and looked down to meet her lover's gaze once more.

 

Surprise.  A hint of confusion.  Now the blush matched.

 

_Good._

Fear crept in but she resisted any temptation to evaluate her current predicament beyond the following moment.  For the first time, she _wanted_ to act, not think...

 

************************

 

"I can't tell you.  There are loads of reasons, I think.  I could list things, some would make you blush.  But it would be meaningless."

 

"Why?"

 

"Because...  You fall in love to _feel_..."

 

***********************

 

Her fingers brushed against the clasp of her bra.

 

Her resolve wavered as she felt Kotori's hands slide over the fabric of her skirt, up to the exposed skin of her waist.

 

_...Let go..._

***********************

 

"...I can't convey that...  I can't explain that to you, what it _really_ is.  Do you understand?"

 

"I...  I think...  I do."  Umi murmured.  Something about the way Nozomi spoke made sense.  It alarmed her more than she would care to admit.  "Let's say, just for now, that that's fine.  Then what about Eli?  Why do you think she cares for you?"

 

"I don't know, it's the same problem."

 

"No.  If...  You all keep joking that we're the same.  Well then, I can tell you that I need to try to rationalize the way I feel.  Maybe you're right, and it doesn't matter, but I think Eli would do the same.  I think she would tell you.  She would need to put it into words."

 

Nozomi didn't reply, she stared into the distance, her eyes lifted to the sky.

 

Umi remembered that look, she had seen it that night at the train station.

 

"It can be something so simple..."  She prompted.

 

Nozomi remained silent for a time before speaking again.

 

"...I see her in a different way...  She likes that..."  

  

**********************

 

She lifted one arm clear and then let slide down off the other, the garment falling away, out of the bubble of their intimacy.

 

She drank in the sight of how wide Kotori's eyes were.

 

The rush of having acted and bared herself overrode her fear.  There was a need for _more_.

 

Slowly, she leaned over her lover and lowered herself, gradually pressing their bodies together.

 

There were no words, so she pushed her face into Kotori's neck; breathing in, and openly revelling in and immersing her senses in her companion.

 

Kotori's hands were on her bare back.  They roamed, as if searching for something.  And they pressed, keeping her close.

 

_I never want to leave this place._

Looking up, their eyes met...

 

_Show her._

She went for her lips and was met with equal force; the urgency of her desire flooding her mind as she felt Kotori's tongue prod against her lips, before slipping into her mouth.  She went with the flow, inviting her in while indulging in the taste herself.

 

There was, at once, confusion and clarify; every sense threatened to overwhelm her but there was a current underneath it she could read for the first time.  A hardness she could grip onto and ride the rhythm of.

 

She pulled back to survey Kotori's eyes, taking in the soft amber and watching the wildness there.  The lust was evident, coloured and shining through a prism of compassion.

 

_To be looked at...  To be desired as this..._

 

********************

 

"You're probably the only one she lets...  Definitely, I think."

 

"But it's not enough."

 

"Why?  What do you mean?"

 

"...It's just a use I have."

 

Nozomi was looking up at the sky again; drifting, falling away from Umi.

 

*******************

 

_It couldn't be..._

She felt Kotori's hands pressed against the tight muscles of her abdomen, rising until the tips of her fingers brushed against her breasts.

 

The sensation made Umi buck before she came crashing down on top of her lover once more, hands grasping and lips longing and beckoning.

 

Everything seemed to fade away...

 

***********************

 

"...No.  That's not true."  Umi started to shake.

 

Nozomi pulled her gaze away from the endless azure above.  She smiled faintly, this time in a way that was unfamiliar, as she turned back to Umi.

 

"It's okay-"

 

"-It's not."  Umi's eyes were wide, fierce.

 

"Sometimes things just disappear."

 

"And what is that meant to mean?"  Umi demanded, rounding on her elder.

 

Nozomi shrugged and then smiled, her lips fuller this time.  She pushed herself up onto her feet.

 

Umi was about to say something when Nozomi reached out and ruffled her hair.  She recoiled as Nozomi laughed.

 

"You worry too much.  It'll give 'ya wrinkles."  Nozomi chuckled.  "Well, anyway, I've got places to be..."

 

She turned to leave.

 

"W-wait..."

 

Nozomi glanced back and winked at her.

 

"Let's give the heart-to-hearts a miss for a while.  I think Kotori's getting jealous.  I know I would be."

 

Umi tried to reply but her tongue seemed too heavy with too many questions and half-forgotten bullet-points.

 

"You...  I-I..."

 

"You're a good friend, Umi."  She turned sincere at the drop of a hat.  Umi had forgotten that she could do that.  "But there's some things you can't change, so why worry about them?"

 

One last wink and then she was gone.

 

*******************

 

She awoke in a haze, the scenery of her lover's body being the only apparent definition. 

 

Kotori's arm was wrapped around her shoulders, pillowing her head as her eyes traced the outline of her flank, and then, as she focused, the shape of her girlfriend's now-exposed breasts.  Immediately flustered, her gaze shot up to Kotori, who was watching her with a warm, faintly bemused expression.

 

"... _Wow_..."  She breathed the word.

 

Umi knew she blushing furiously.  Unable to look anywhere for fear of making it worst she simply resorted to squeezing her eyes shut tightly.

 

"...Where did that come from?"  Kotori's whisper brushed against her ear.

 

_Sometimes things just disappear._

She opened her eyes, the words sailing like a kite through her thoughts.  It scared her.  She peered into her girlfriend's wide eyes to alleviate the fear.

 

"I can't imagine ever not feeling this way about.  I don't want to.  I want to feel this way forever."

 

A hand rose to cup her cheek.

 

"Then you always will."  Kotori whispered as she caressed Umi's face.

 

"But how...  How...  Do you know?"

 

"Because I feel the same.  If we both know...  Then it's our choice, right?"

 

The conviction in those words were so deep they reverberated through her.

 

It was so simple.

 

"...You're right."  Umi smiled.

 

_...So simple._

It was just the answer she needed.

 

*******************

 

Umi examined her watch as her fingers tapped out an impatient rhythm on the clubroom table.

 

It was time for drastic measures.

 

She had invoked one of the most sacred bonds of her life for assistance.  A group that was not called upon lightly...

 

_The Solider Game Trio._

Of course, part of this link was also a major part of her problem.  Somehow, that would tie into all of this.

 

_...Somehow..._

Umi didn't like to improvise but...  Well, let's just say that recent developments had made it necessary to act quickly.

 

She had sent the message out calling for a meeting here after school today.  Maki would arrive first, Umi had seen to it, and that's when this would all start to unravel.

 

As she waited, Umi considered her choice.  Since the trio's founding, and the... 

 

... _Subsequent events..._

...Umi shuddered as she recalled that near-calamitous night in December.  It was perhaps all three girl's most closely guarded secret.  It was certainly Umi's.

 

More importantly, as a result, when any one member was in trouble they could put the signal out and know that the others were bound by...

 

...By...

 

...Because...

 

...They just had to help Umi.  That's it.  Just like she had to help them.

 

It was a long story. 

 

And it didn't matter now.

 

At precisely the arranged time the door slid open and Maki stepped inside the room.  She swiftly took a seat across the table from Umi and regarded her directly.

 

"So?"  Maki prompted.

 

Umi took a deep breath and met the redhead's gaze.

 

Maki had inadvertently ended up learning about Umi's problem with Nozomi due to the general incompetence of her girlfriend, so it didn't take long for Umi to quickly bring her up to speed.

 

"So...  You want us...  You and me...  To talk to Eli?  About...  _Nozomi_?"  She actually whispered Nozomi's name.

 

Umi nodded.

 

"I'm sure you know, but...  _Me and you_.  You think it's a good idea if...  You think we're...  Equipped?"  Maki looked slightly faint.

 

Umi nodded again.  She knew what Maki meant; there was a gnawing sense of dread welling up inside of her as well.

 

"No one else is going to do it."  Umi affirmed after a few heavy moments of silence.

 

Maki sighed and began to twirl a lock of her hair, scowling as she did.

 

"I knew you were going to say something like that."  She muttered.

 

"We have to do this."  Umi said as much to herself as Maki.

 

" _Have to_."  Maki repeated wistfully.

 

Umi sat back and sighed.  Then it clicked.

 

That really was _Umi_ for _Trouble._

 

The sound of footsteps from the corridor outside brushed the thought from her mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally! There's been a lot of distractions over the last few months that account for this delay, but now I'm going to try and update once a month leading up to July - 1 year from when this story started. So that's a deadline of 2nd July for the final chapter. We'll see how that goes.
> 
> Next up is Eli's chapter.
> 
> As always, thanks for reading!


	8. The River That Swallows All Rivers

Eli stepped into the club room and paused, clocking the pair of anxious stares that greeted her.

 

_What do they know?_

 

She felt the silence; immediately heavy and very evidently hanging on her.

 

"Hey."  Came her delayed greeting; mouthed as she suddenly became very aware that she was the last to arrive.

 

"HELLO!"  Umi replied, several decibels higher than necessary.

 

"Hey."  Maki whispered in stark contrast.

 

Eli narrowed her eyes.  A tilting sense of uneasiness was edging in.  Umi's message had been vague, and it seemed obvious they had arranged to meet before her.  These, of course, were minor signposts compared the manic trepidation beaming at her through both Maki and Umi's wide-eyed stares.

 

"Everything okay?"  Eli asked cautiously. 

 

"YES!  WONDERFUL!"  Umi nodded vigorously until Maki nudged her, whispering something.

 

"What's up?"  Eli asked, eyeing Maki.

 

"N-nothing."  The redhead took a moment to meet her inquisitor's gaze, and froze like a deer in headlights when she did.  "You look g-great today!"  She spluttered.

 

"Oh, yes!  Beautiful."  Umi agreed.

 

"Thanks..."  Eli gave an awkward chuckle.  "You both look...  Really good as well."

 

Umi actually seemed to blush slightly.  "Thank you."  She mumbled, looking down at her feet.

 

"Thanks."  Maki smiled warmly, and then abruptly looked away, as if caught out.

 

That sense of unease was gradually swelling into something more foreboding.

 

"So, what's going on?"  Eli prompted.

 

"Um, well..."  Maki turned back to her.

 

"I-it's your hair!"  Umi stammered.

 

"Is there something..?"  Eli brought a panicked hand up to her blonde locks, alarmed by Umi's exclamation.   

 

Maki gave them both a quizzical glance, lingering on Umi for a moment until she appeared to click on some unspoken point.

 

"Yeah..."  She agreed.  "...Umm, it looks really...  Nice today.  What conditioner do you use?"

 

"Yes!  I've been meaning to ask."  Umi nodded along.

 

"Are you guys...  Okay?  What's going on..?" 

 

It was evident that her questions would go unanswered; her juniors looked anything but focused; their gazes kept darting between her and every other point in the room, before occasionally meeting and momentarily growing wide with panic.

 

"W-well...  I need some fashion advice...  Obviously."  Umi addressed her with a nervous, and very out-of-character giggle.

 

"Why is it obvious?"  Eli asked, now as confused as she was cautious.

 

"Well, I mean...  Just look at her."  Maki supplied, laughing awkwardly.

 

For a moment Umi turned to stare daggers at her redheaded companion, and then realizing that the insult was born of her own rambling, grimaced in defeat.

 

"Y-yeah.  And _obviously_ you're the most..."  Maki's voice drifted away, as she seemingly lost her thread of thought.  She looked to Umi for help.

 

"M...  M...  Mature!"  Umi supplied after a moment's hesitation.

 

"Yes!  The most mature."  Maki agreed, pointing at Eli, as if to verify it.

 

_What the hell is going on?_

Eli looked at both of her friends in turn.  She wasn't sure where this conversation had started, let alone where it was going and dreaded to think of where it would end.  This was coupled with the alarming sense that she seemed to have lost all sense of time since entering the club room.

 

"Well, maybe Kotori would be the person to ask..."  She suggested after a long pause.

 

Umi gasped.  "That's..!"  She gazed at Eli in wonder.  "...Brilliant."  She whispered.

 

"Great idea, Eli."  Maki chimed in.  She turned to Umi and gave a nod to affirm this.

 

"Well then..."  Eli smiled at them both, desperate to untangle herself from whatever this was.  "I just remembered I have to..."  She stepped back towards the door, but this only seemed to prod her companions into a fresh assault.

 

"-Wait!  I...  I need some help as well!"  Maki cried out.

 

"Really?"  Umi glanced at her.

 

"...Yeah."  Maki locked eyes with her, desperate to communicate something.

 

"...Oh...  Right."  Umi stared right back her, still unsure.

 

"What...  What about?"  Eli turned back to them, momentarily conceding defeat.

 

Maki looked around the room wildly before her eyes eventually fell back on Eli.

 

"R-romance."  She whispered.

 

"Wha...  Oh!"  Umi glanced at Maki, eyes beaming with sudden understanding.

 

"Really?"  Eli shot a doubtful look between the two of them.

 

"Un-huh."  Maki nodded.

 

"With who?"  Eli decided to bite.

 

Maki tried to reply but seemed to freeze in place, her mouth hanging open as a blush was crept into her cheeks.

 

"Your girlfriend?"  Eli asked with narrowed eyes.

 

"N-no!"  Maki shot back.  "I don't have a girlfriend..."

 

It was clearly said on reflex, even so Umi sighed and rolled her eyes.  "Come on."  She mumbled.

 

"Really?  Is that so?"  Eli decided to press.

 

Maki nodded, though she looked anything but sure.

 

"Well then..."  Eli murmured, momentarily distracted as she looked over Maki's shoulder; Umi was watching her keenly, unnervingly so.  Whatever was going on, she decided she was going to have to roll the dice to get to the bottom of it.  "...I was wondering if _you_ could help _me_ out?"  She addressed them both.

 

"O-of course!"  Umi fixed her with another expectant look.

 

"I'm thinking of confessing..."

 

"Really!?"  Her junior immediately was strung along.  "Eli-senpai, that's wonderful"

 

"Who?  Who is it?"  Maki asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

 

Eli made a show of fidgeting awkwardly as she looked away.  "...To Nico."

 

Maki looked up at her in alarm.  She started to gesticulate something, her mouth opening and closing without forming any words.

 

"No!"  Umi shouted.  " _Nozomi_!  You mean _Nozomi_!"

 

Taken a back, Eli turned to her.

 

"No.  Wait...  Haven't you already confessed..?  Is that right?  No...  Or did she..?"  Umi stared at her in confusion.

 

 _So_...

 

...That's what this little intervention had gravitated around.

 

It was probably the lesser of her two secrets, and in light of that, the sting shouldn't have been so sharp when it was brought up to her face.  Even Nozomi had said that everyone probably knew; that one day someone would call them on it.  They hadn't even really tried that hard to hide it since...

 

The simple solution here would be to walk away. 

 

She knew it.

 

But from the moment Umi said _her_ name...

 

...It just _burned_.

 

And when the flame died she felt that familiar cold weight descend, cutting her off from the others, from really _feeling_ what was going on.  It was her old self, the shell she had so desperately tried to cast aside since becoming part of the group.  She hated it even as she found solace in it. 

 

_Leave.  Before you regret it._

 

Still, a questions tied her to the spot...

 

"What did she say?  Did she ask you to do this?"

 

The bitterness flowering within must have shown on her face, because Umi seemed to recoil.  

 

"...Nothing.  She didn't ask me..."  Umi mumbled, avoiding her eyes.  "She doesn't know."

 

That made sense.  Nozomi would never ask for help.

 

"Then just...  Forget it."  The words were sharp and cold, but a part of her felt as though she were begging.  Maybe that it was Umi, the one she was closest to in so many ways, that made her ache somewhere deep down.

 

"...But...  Eli, she doesn't understand..."

 

"It doesn't concern you."  She could feel the ice in her voice.

 

She was trying to hard to rein her temper in, but she could feel it gradually slipping through her fingers.  She needed to leave.

 

"It's not fair on-"

 

"Stop talking.  Now."  She tried to keep it quiet, but the threat was still there.

 

Umi took a step back; something in her face snagged in Eli's gaze, something that pierced her guard. 

 

_A realization._

Umi was seeing her as she could be, not the role-model student council president, but someone who could cut herself off within a moment.  Someone who was so selfish that she would hurt her friends to avoid facing up to something of her own making...

 

She stepped back into herself; with guilt came clarity.  She needed to retreat...  To run.

 

"You can't have Nico-chan!" 

 

Momentarily puzzled, both Eli and Umi turned to find Maki fixing the former with eyes wide and desperate.

 

"T-there!  I said it!"

 

Eli and Umi's gaze met once more, both momentarily clouded by confusion at the redhead's outburst.

 

"I should go."  Eli regained her footing first.  "I can't talk about this now."

 

She left the club room without a backwards glance.

 

As she swiftly exited Otonokizaka, resisting the urge to run, an almost abstract observation, by that point, occurred to her; strange, that it was Umi who was fighting so hard for a subject she had seemed indifferent to just a few months ago, and for a person she, for all intents and purposes, didn't seem to like.

 

On the train ride home, closed off from the rest of the world, she couldn't help but wonder if she had really changed at all since coming to Otonokizaka.

 

********************

 

Her life had begun in a spiral, a never-ending pirouette of agile instincts and sore feet.

 

Not much before registered with Eli.  Her parents had bundled her between Russia and Japan several times, but the former was where she had spend most of her youth; days spend wary of the frost but captivated by the falling white.  A white so pure it could cover anything.

 

But it was the dance that had really enraptured her, thawing the ice and pushing all else but a few scant moments from her memory.  Consumed, she spun and leapt day after day, always pushing herself to the next level, the next pattern and the next chance to show everyone who she could be.

 

But eventually the aches had caught up.  The competition, the routines and the instructions came so fast.  Unrelenting.  A part of her began to question if it was worth it, began to drag her down.  An inch at a time.  Just a moment behind.

 

Then, one day she had been declared a failure; unfit for purpose.  And that was it.

 

The end. 

 

Her mother had called it...

 

_You just don't want it enough.  You don't need it._

Maybe she had been right.  The child she had been didn't attempt to get back up and try again.

 

It was the logical place to stop.  To move on, the adults said.

 

Her life became straight lines.  Hazy at first through tear-filled eyes, but eventually it stabilized.  Japan, and life with her grandmother brought change, but still she followed the same lines, never bending or breaking.

 

Otonokizaka had been a haven.  It's history had spoken to her: _You will be safe.  Here you can convalesce and look at the tides ahead, just like those before you have._

But even if the school had accepted her, the students were less keen.  Her paleness marked her as an outsider, and her attitude soon grew to match; _Yuki-onna,_ a few cruel mouths whispered after her.  And Eli found it too easy to isolate herself to that tune; though she took some solace in the fact that they feared her more than they disliked her.  And even that fear would become respect as she worked tirelessly for the school's benefit.

 

Two encounters during her first year in Otonokizaka shook her.

 

The first had been Nico.  They never really spoke except for the first time they crossed paths.  Eli knew of Nico's attempt to form a school idol group, and despite her own initial derision for Japanese idols, she had been jealous; she could see someone trying to take a piece of what she had lost so long ago. 

 

A chance encounter had led to a conflict between the two girls, a clash between envy and pride.   There, Eli met the first person in Otonokizaka who simply refused to back down to any of her attempts at intimidation.

 

She had been impressed, she realized much later on.  As a result she had genuinely felt hurt when Nico's ambitions collapsed.  Though, to her regret, not enough to reach out.

 

The second had been a girl who had reached out to her.  Someone who became her faithful companion, seemingly without any discernable reason or aim.  She made Eli uncomfortable at first, but in a way that attracted her as much as it made her wary.

 

Without realizing it, the lines began to bend again.

 

So much had happened since then.  The news of Otonokizaka's impending closure had wounded her deeply.  And Honoka's subsequent attempts to stop it tore at her consciousness.

 

She had closed herself off once more.  In those girls she had seen the chance to grasp at her former glory; _to dance_.  It had been too much.

 

Nozomi had known it.  She had slowly eked the reasons out of Eli over the years and then put the pieces together at the critical moment. 

 

The rest was history.

 

But when you throw yourself back into the spiral and can see the point where the lines even out again, what do you do?

 

The answer laid before her.

 

Eli stared down at her desk.  A folder occupied it.  Everything around it was neat and arranged with care.  Everything arced out from there; her whole room was arranged in just such a way.

 

Everything appeared copasetic.

 

But that folder...

 

Eli opened it.

 

Her hidden university application; a ballet scholarship in New York.

 

She hadn't really believed it would happen, though she'd done everything in her power to grasp it. 

 

"I still can't believe it..."

 

The sullen tone made Eli jump.  She slowly turned to meet the doe eyes of her younger sister, Alisa.  She was the only who knew besides her grandmother.

 

"You promised."  Eli reminded her.

 

She was only more alert to the others finding out after Umi's earlier intervention.

 

"I haven't told anyone.  But when are you..?"

 

That was question she was forever delaying to answer.  She looked down at her desk.

 

"When the time's right."

 

"When is that?"

 

Eli looked up, glancing out of the window on the other side of the room.  The last vestiges of daylight were being swallowed by the night.

 

"I don't know."  She admitted, maybe for the first time.

 

"I wanted you to be here when I went to Otonokizaka..."

 

"It's better that I'm not."

 

"Don't say that."

 

"It'll be better."

 

"No, it won't."

 

Eli looked back at the folder, steadfastly refusing to meet her sister's gaze again.

 

"How would you feel if I left?"

 

"You don't understand."  Eli brushed her off.

 

"Then, just for once, tell me."

 

It was the last thing Eli wanted to talk about.  Though, it always seemed that way.

 

"Please..."  Alisa's hand was on her shoulder.

 

She felt her temper flare, but it seemed to fade just as quickly, maybe in light of her earlier confrontation.  She didn't want to see that look face Umi's face reflected back in her sister's eyes.

 

"I just have to do it.  Have take the chance."

 

"Why?"

 

"I can't drift, I...  I know, it's difficult...  Just try to understand.  I don't want to leave you, but...  I have to go."

 

The ensuing silence seemed to last so long that Eli eventually turned to look up at Alisa.  She found concern rather than scrutiny, and something else...

 

"You really haven't told Nozomi?"  Alisa asked.

 

The question caught Eli by surprise, and she found herself unable to meet Alisa's gaze.

 

"I don't want to yet."

 

"Seems like she would understand."

 

"What?"  Eli looked back up suddenly.

 

Alisa shrugged.  "She's always...  Just seems like she would get it.  Maybe translate it for the rest of us."  There was a ghost of a smile.

 

********************

 

Christmas and New Year's had been tough.  January had run the same course.

 

As her future had become clear she had tried to devote as much time as possible to Nozomi.  Of course, she had already promised as much during their lover's truce.

 

She didn't know why she had conceded defeat back then, even if it had served as a convenient pretence for the following weeks.  Perhaps she had simply been too tired to fight it anymore.  And there had been the urge to act in a futile attempt to balance out the guilt for what was to come.

 

There was something else as well.   _Lust_ ; not just the desire for pleasure, but the need to embrace someone else.  Something she had never felt before Nozomi, and something she secretly feared she would never be able to taste again.

 

Ultimately, for once she had just wanted to say _yes_ and forget the consequences.

 

At first it seemed to be the correct choice.  There had been a very immediate satisfaction in throwing themselves at each other.  The way their bodies had intertwined felt like a homecoming, a place much-missed.

 

And you didn't have to think.  That was a beautiful thing.  You just indulged.

 

For a while it worked.  It was everything they both needed.

 

But then one night, Eli had found herself unable to sleep in the company of her lover.  She spent it nights watching Nozomi silently.  The pattern had been set for all of those to follow.   

 

In those many moments alone Eli watched her lover's sleeping face twitch from somewhere between dreams.  She saw all of her anxiety reflected there.  Sometimes she would tell Nozomi the truth while she slept; the shape of things to come.  She could be honest then in that time where she couldn't leave or stay.

 

Nozomi had been wrong, they weren't escaping misery, they were entrenching themselves within it.

 

But when she looked at that face, her privilege; the only person who saw Nozomi like this, so vulnerable in her arms...  She just couldn't let go.

 

_That'll be why it hurts all the more._

 

The warning was ever-present, always drifting in through the window with the faint rays of dawn while she watched wide-awake.

 

*******************

 

 **Eli:** I want to apologize to you both.  I'm sorry for how I spoke to you earlier.  You were trying to help and I was acting petty.

 

It came up as _read_ within a few moments.  She would expect nothing less.

 

 **Umi:** It's okay.  I'm so sorry, Eli.  I didn't think it through.

 

 **Maki:** Me neither.  We could have been a little more focused.

 

 **Eli:** That's an understatement.

 

 **Maki:** Hey!

 

 **Eli:** Nice hair today, by the way.

 

 **Maki:** Shut up.

 

 **Umi:**   I feel I'm stating the obvious here, but can we agree to keep this within the group.

 

 **Maki:**  Agreed.

 

 **Eli:** Agreed.

 

 **Umi:** Good.  I don't think that was a high-point for any of us.

 

 **Maki:** Putting it mildly.

 

 **Eli:** I'm really sorry.

 

 **Umi:** Don't worry.  But remember: you can't have Nico-chan.

 

 **Maki:** I don't even know why I'm friends with you two.

 

 **Eli:**   She's a very lucky girl, even if she doesn't know it.

 

 **Maki:** She doesn't and she never will.  Am I making myself clear?

 

 **Umi:** Crystal.

 

 **Eli:** I wouldn't dare.  I thought you were going to kill me.

 

 **Maki:** Good.  Keep thinking that.

 

 **Eli:** I have something else I need to tell you both as well.

 

 **Maki:** What's up?

 

 **Umi:** Are you okay?

 

 **Eli:**   Yeah.  It's difficult to explain.  Or it's more like a long story.  I'll tell you guys tomorrow.

 

 **Umi:** Ok.  I don't mean to go overboard but try to think about Nozomi-senpai as well.  She never shows it but I think she worries about you a lot.

 

 **Maki:**   "I don't mean to go overboard" - An iconic Sonoda statement.

 

 **Maki:** Nozomi-senpai!  Wow, I didn't know you thought so highly of her.

 

 **Umi:** That was a mistake. 

 

 **Maki:**   Sure.  Sure it was.

 

 **Eli:**  Technically, that's correct.

 

 **Maki:** That's right, Umi.  And 'Technically' is the best kind of correct.

 

 **Eli:**   Maki, remind me.  Do you have a girlfriend?  Technically?

 

 **Maki:** Shut up.

 

 **Umi:** I thought she did but she clearly stated the opposite earlier.  Odd.

 

 **Maki:**   Ok.  I see how it is.  Point dropped.

 

 **Umi:** Excellent.

 

 **Eli:**   I will think about what you said.  I know Nozomi has been a bit down lately.  I'll try and talk to her.  I just need to think about it.

 

 **Umi:**   We'll always be here if you need help.  I know we're not the best at this kind of thing but just ask if you need assistance.

 

 **Maki:** What Umi said but with a more endearing sentiment.

 

 **Eli:** Thanks, both of you.  I really mean that.

 

*******************

 

It rained the following day, driving everyone into the club room for lunchtime.

 

Despite being free to leave school early for entrance exam preparation the third-years had all been choosing to spend as much time in Otonokizaka as possible.  Part of the this had to do with μ's, though Eli would be the first to admit that just a guise.  She suspected the Nozomi and Nico felt the same; they just weren't ready to leave, still hanging on to the place that had changed their lives so radically.

 

On the verge of graduating, every room seemed to offer up pertinent memories and stories of what could be, but none more than this one.  She found herself observing the other girls around the table, tucked away in their now-familiar couples. 

 

She watched Kotori gaze longingly at Umi between bites of her lunch. 

 

She noticed with amusement that the normally-clingy Rin gave Hanayo plenty of room at lunchtime.  A wise idea, they all knew.

 

She spied Nico and Maki holding hands beneath the table, even as they squabbled in ever-harsher whispers.

 

"Favourite Maki tsundere moment!"  Nico suddenly announced.

 

"Oh my god..."  Maki muttered, leaning back and rolling her eyes.

 

There was a few giggles around the room as Rin took up the challenge.

 

"That time she kept pretending to forget Nico's name!"

 

There were more than a few chuckles at the memory of that particular Nishikino phase.

 

"Ah, the good old days..."  Nozomi's sighed.  "Good morning, Miko...  Oh, sorry, I meant...  Was it Nico?"  She imitated from memory.

 

Maki spread her palms in response.  "What?  It's not my fault she's forgettable."

 

Eli glanced at Nico, expecting to see her primed to bite back.  Instead, her classmate was gazing upon her girlfriend fondly with an impish grin.

 

_She knows this won't go on forever._

The thought caught Eli off guard, though her gaze stayed on her classmate.

 

"Hmmm, I think I can recall another..."  Umi murmured in Eli's direction with a faint smile.

 

She couldn't help but snigger, despite herself.  It seemed that Maki caught it too, quickly incepting the comment.

 

"Favourite clueless Umi moment!"  She announced to the room.

 

"She's not clueless!"  Kotori immediately leapt to her offended girlfriend's defence.  "She's just a little...  Careful, sometimes."  She finished, stroking Umi's arm.

 

"I've got one!"  Honoka announced.

 

"That's quite enough from you."  Umi snapped.

 

Undeterred, Honoka began.  "That time you wrote Kotori a formal letter apologizing for peeking in on her getting changed."

 

"Honoka-chan..."  Kotori groaned.

 

"It was an accident!  And t-that was a perfectly reasonable thing to do..."  Umi spluttered.

 

"This I have to hear.  Honoka, please?"  Nozomi enquired.

 

"Umi-chan said she might have been staring a bit too much before practise so..."

 

Kotori sighed as she shot Honoka a look.

 

"There was nothing wrong with that!"  Umi tried to compose herself. 

 

"You..."  Kotori sighed again.  "You mailed it to me."

 

"It was official correspondence!"  Umi appealed to the table, another wave of laughter ensuing.

 

"Did you have to sign for it?"  Nico asked Kotori between gasps of laughter.

 

Kotori blushed and looked away, only fuelling Nico's howls.

 

"It was before..."  Umi gave up.  She eyed Nico, seeking retaliation.

 

"Favourite Nico tsundere moment!"  She shouted, red-faced and pointing at her senior.

 

Nico gasped, already composing an absolutely appalled look to shoot Umi's away.

 

"Me!  I've got this."  Eli decided to intervene.  "That time she said Maki was kind of ugly."

 

There was a ripple of fresh laughter as Nico slowly turned to find her girlfriend staring daggers at her.

 

"Thanks.  For.  That."  Maki spat each word.

 

Nico gave her a nervous smile and shrugged.  "At least you're not forgettable."  She offered.

 

"Sure, Miko."  Maki shot back.

 

"As if you could ever forget your true love, _Nico-Ni_."

 

"I'm trying."

 

"She's the only one can put up with grumpy Maki-chan."

 

"Your cross to bear, I suppose."

 

"You know, Nico'd bet you'd have more friends if you smiled a little more."

 

"A bet, huh?"  Nozomi interrupted with rye smile.

 

"Pipe down."  Nico snapped at her by default.

 

"Well, I bet you'd have more friends if you stopped talking for five seconds."  Maki retorted. 

 

"Okay, so what are the terms?"  Nozomi tried again.

 

Eli glanced to her side at Nozomi, quietly amused by her meddling.  She tried to catch her eye but Nozomi seemed to edge away from her.

 

Nico turned to glare at her tormentor for a moment, loading up a put-down.

 

"What's wrong?  Scared?"  Maki teased in a murmur.

 

Unsurprisingly, that did it.  Nico turned back to Maki, a grin slowly spreading across her features.

 

"Nico bets..."  She began in a high whine.  "...That Maki-chan can't go a day without one of her petty trademark sarcastic comments.  Probably at her _girlfriend's_ expense."  She smiled sweetly in the face of Maki's death-glare.

 

"Well then-"  Nozomi started.

 

"I bet that Nico can't go a day without saying her own name!"  Maki retaliated.

 

There was a series of sharp gasps from all around the room.

 

Nico staggered back in her chair, as if struck. 

 

"Wha...  What-"  She mumbled.

 

"-It's okay if you want to give in now."  Maki's snarl contorted into a smirk.

 

Nico was about to retort when Nozomi cut in.

 

"What are the stakes?"

 

Composing herself, Nico regarding her girlfriend with a eerily-innocent smile.  She let the silence hang for a few moments, for the purposes of dramatic timing, of course.

 

"Maki-chan has to do _The Nico-Ni_.  Catch-phrase and pose.  Three times.  At any time of _my_ choosing.  No excuses.  Full effort."  Her voice was sugary sweet, chirping away as she watched a wave horror flash across the redhead's face.

 

"And she has to wear her hair in pigtails for a day!"  Kotori suddenly interjected.  She immediately covered her mouth, apparently having not intended to say it out-loud.

 

"That too."  Nico agreed, nodding in Kotori's direction.

 

"No self-aggrandising!"  Maki announced.  "For one week."

 

There was another series of sharp gasps.

 

"F-fine."  Nico snapped.

 

"Those are the terms.  Tomorrow's the day!"  Nozomi laid it out.

 

Both Nico and Maki nodded, glaring at each other before each turned away with a huff.

 

_That escalated quickly._

Eli watched the warring couple with a bemused smile.  Then she turned to glance at their resident manipulator.

 

"Sly."  She whispered.

 

But once more, Nozomi didn't deign to meet her eyes.  Didn't even care to reply.

 

These days, that was to be expected.

 

*********************

 

When the end came, on an early February morning, it hadn't surprised either of them.  They had done this dance a few too many times now, the steps were well-rehearsed.

 

Eli had stayed over Nozomi's for the weekend.  She had left her hostess asleep on the couch the previous night, not wanting to wake her, and had settled down for the night in Nozomi's bed; sleeping deeply for the first time in several days.

 

The following morning she had awoken to find Nozomi watching her, sitting on the side of bed, as if detached from her by design.

 

"Sleep well?"  Nozomi asked.

 

"Yeah."

 

"You didn't wake me.  I would have joined you."

 

Eli didn't reply, and in hindsight, that had said more than she ever could have.

 

"You looked peaceful alone, at least."  Nozomi told her.

 

_Sometimes it's easier._

"Maybe you prefer that?"

 

_That's not true..._

"I think we-"

 

"-I know.  I'll go."  There was a hardness in her voice that she hadn't intended.  She looked up and saw the hurt deep in Nozomi's eyes, just a bare moment before she could compose herself.

 

"Maybe this is the last time..."  She paused, realizing that it was a parody to say it again at this point.

 

Nozomi just laughed.  That seemed about right.

 

"What are we gonna do?"  She asked as her laughter trailed away.

 

"When I'm with you I feel so alone."  The words slipped out between Eli's lips before she could stop them.

 

"It's my fault."  Nozomi admitted, without missing a beat.  "I was wrong about waiting."

 

"Nozomi..."  She looked up, unnerved by the lack of reaction.

 

"-You're not wrong.  We're not helping each other."

 

"I know, but...  I know." 

 

There should been the urge to cry, to scream; _to react._ Instead she felt oddly level-headed, like they were back to discussing school council.  The disconnect was chilling and it gave her pause.

 

"Let's just break it off.  We both knew it was coming anyway."  Nozomi stated, matter-of-factly.

 

Eli saw shades of herself in Nozomi's features; she'd closed a door.  She knew there was no point in arguing.

 

Instead, she got dressed and walked home, now truly alone.  Then she had wept.  Partly because it felt wrong, partly because Nozomi had been right.  Mostly because she was reverting to type, just letting it all pass her by...  Closing herself off...

 

The tears would fade and tomorrow would come around just like always.  Nothing had really changed, she told herself.

 

_Coward._

******************

 

This time was different, within a day or two that much was clear.  There would be no gradual mending, no setting the bones of their friendship back in place, day-by-day.

 

As the days passed they hadn't fallen back into step together.

 

They barely spoke.  Unless mandated, they were separate.

 

No, this time Nozomi had really broken them apart, and Eli had let her.

 

Despite the escalation of her future plans, preparations for Love Live and planning graduation, this divide was always at the fore-front of her mind.  A knife through the heart; she walked around all day with it and tried to sleep at night with it.

 

Barely two weeks, but it only got worse. 

 

She'd only realized when Umi had tried to tell her; she had to grab the hilt and pull it out. 

 

*****************

 

They stopped at a fast-food place on the way home.  On the second-floor, Eli found herself peering into two pairs of eyes, this time more curious than frantic.

 

Then she told them; about her plan, about America.  And all the reasons why.

 

They were silent as they listened, besides a few barely suppressed gasps from Umi.

 

"So...  What do you think?"  Eli asked when she had finished, her voice betraying hints of her trepidation.

 

"That's incredible..."  Umi whispered.

 

Maki nodded.  "How did you do it?  It sounds so prestigious."

 

"...What?"

 

"The school."   Umi prompted.

 

"Oh, well...  I just did everything I could, everything they asked.  I think μ's helped a lot, the choreography...  Oh, and saving Otonokizaka gets you a pretty sweet reference, just so you know.  Besides that...  I honestly don't know.  I guess I just struck a chord?  What do you think?"

 

Both of her companions smiled at her in reply; it was slightly unnerving, like a shared secret she wasn't party to.

 

"I'm sure when they spoke to you they just knew."  Umi murmured.

 

"It was only a day...  I was pretty jet-lagged."

 

"I think Umi's right.  You can do that to people, Eli."  Maki beamed.

 

The compliment made Eli blush.  She felt a touch overwhelmed.

 

"You're not angry?"  Eli asked them after a few moments.

 

"Of course not."  Umi replied.  "I'm happy you're doing what you love.  Who knows where this could take you, it's such an incredible opportunity!"

 

"Me too."  Maki agreed, still regarding her with a grin.  "We're gonna miss you, but...  It's not like we'll never talk or see each other again, right?"

 

"Y-yeah, of course."

 

_Of course._

There was a weight gradually falling away.  Word by word.

 

"Oh..."

 

The both glanced at Umi and saw a look of sudden understanding pass over her features.

 

Maki seemed to click.  "Let's slow down before we-"

 

"-Nozomi!"

 

"...Okay."  Maki sighed.

 

"You haven't told Nozomi?" 

 

"No."  Eli admitted.

 

"But...  You're going to, right?"  Maki asked.

 

"Yeah..."  It was a barely whisper.

 

_Are you?_

In that moment she really wondered.

 

As far as Nozomi knew she taking her entrance exams to study business in Kanagawa.  Conceivably, she could kept that ruse up right until she left for New York. 

 

Just run away. 

 

They didn't seem to talk now anyway.

 

Maybe it was better.  Maybe it was simpler.

_It's easier._

 

"Tell her."

 

Startled, she looked up and met Umi's gaze.  Something in her eyes held Eli's gaze.

 

"I..."

 

_What?_

"I can't..."

 

"Just say it, Eli."

 

She turned to Maki.

 

"We'll make sense of it."  Compassion overrode the usual tightness of her voice.

 

She tried but felt herself choke on the words in her throat.

 

"It's okay."  Umi whispered.  "Just try."

 

She wanted to look away from her companions as they watched her calmly, but couldn't.

 

"I...  I don't want to let her go.  But I have to do this.  And that means I have to leave."

 

She took a deep breath.

 

"I love performing.  I love everything about what we've done.  I don't want to give it up...  I can't let go again."

 

She shuddered as she laid it out, as simply as she could.  In the ensuing silence she looked up to find Umi fixing her with a curious look.

 

"You're leaving Japan, but why do you have to break-up with Nozomi?"  Umi asked, perplexed.

 

"Yeah, I mean it's common for people to travel to different places after high school.  It doesn't mean that everything has to change, right?"  Maki added.

 

Eli looked between the two of them, startled.

 

"We won't..."

 

_...Be in the same place?_

"You don't have to give up everything."  Umi told her.

 

Eli stared at her friends in silence.  The thought hadn't even occurred to her.

 

"Even I know that."  Umi chuckled.

 

"I don't think she would want...  What if she says no?"  It seemed the only relevant question.

 

"But you haven't asked."  Maki interjected.  "You have to...  Well, it's worth trying, right?"

 

"It's not that simple."  Was the only excuse she could come up with.

 

"It is."  Umi stared her down.  "You can have both, I know it."

 

Eli looked down at her hands in her lap, dumbfounded.

 

_You just don't want it enough._

When she looked back up she saw them all.

 

Those looks.

 

The instructors, the judges.  She wasn't up to their standards.

 

Her classmates in her first year.  She was an outsider, she had made sure of it.

 

Nico.   When she wouldn't back down during their first meeting.  _You wouldn't understand_ , she had told her of her ambitions.

 

Honoka.  All those time she had derided her attempts to save Otonokizaka.  All those times she had said _no_ when she should have said _yes._

 

Umi.  The disappointment when she had seen the coldness trump the understanding in her senpai.

 

Nozomi.  When she held her at arms length.  When she denied herself.  All the times she had let her down.

_You don't need it._

Nozomi.  The times when she had let her in.  When she had allowed herself to be tender with another person.

And then she looked up into the faces of her two best friends.  She saw concern, but not judgement.

 

Maybe they were going to face the same choice as her someday, she found herself thinking.  Perhaps they would need someone to tell them the truth.  Right now, despite being her juniors they were standing up for her.

 

 _I know we're not the best at this kind of thing..._ That's what Umi had written.

 

Eli laughed suddenly.

 

"What..?"  Maki stared at her.

 

"You two dorks..."  Eli muttered.

 

"Us three."  Umi corrected her with a rye smile.

 

"Just you two."  Maki replied, grinning. 

 

They all laughed, chuckling just to relieve the tension.

 

It was a welcome relief.  She wanted to laugh more.  But there was work to do first.

 

"Right now."  Eli whispered.  "Right now.  I'm going to tell her."

 

And by those words they left, marching to the train station.

 

It was a blur to Eli, but Umi's last words before the train pulled away stayed with her.

 

_Wherever we all end up, we're always going to be here.  Just call._


	9. You Were On Fire

Nozomi examined the old camera lens; it had been her father's a lifetime ago.  Turning it in her hand, she looked through the wide-open iris.  Her apartment looked distorted through the aged glass.  The glimpse she caught of own her reflection even more so.  She focused on the metal rim of the lens barrel and brushed it down for any traces of dust before replacing it in her camera bag.  The camera body inside had been her grandfather's, passed down, eventually, to her.  It was an old Pentax stills camera.  Despite its age, it was robust, the leather and chrome body smooth to touch.

 

Nozomi found herself thinking about the hands that had held the camera before hers.  She couldn't picture them.  It reminded her of how far away her family were, and had always seemed, even as the camera brought faded images of them back, floating through her mind; the details just a mark or two out of focus and sliding.

 

She got up to put the camera bag away, inadvertently knocking over a pile of tarot cards on the coffee table.  She paused, watching the cards spill across the table.

 

Sitting back down, she reached out and flipped three of the fallen cards over.

 

_The Hermit_

_The Hanged Man_

_Judgement_

There was a knock at the door, polite but firm.  Nozomi hesitated for a moment, her eyes pouring over the cards. 

 

There didn't seem to be...  Anything...

 

She rubbed her eyes and glanced over the cards again, but even the major arcana seemed like a foreign language now, drifting faraway from where she sat.  Only _The Hanged Man_ stood out, a scar born anew of the last few months.

 

The knock came again, a series of sharp raps against her front door.

 

This time, keen for a distraction, Nozomi pushed herself to her feet and went to answer the call.

 

As she opened the door she caught sight of the person on the other side and stiffened.

 

"Hey."

 

Nozomi looked at Eli, her face caught between a forced smile and a scowl; she couldn't tell which was predominant.

 

"Hello."

 

"Nozomi, I..."

 

She could see it, Nozomi knew.  It was the way she was looking at Eli; a stranger had seen before, but a stranger none the less.

 

Eli seemed to recoil for a moment before regrouping.

 

"I need to talk to you."

 

"I don't think you do."  She hated how lifeless her voice sounded.

 

"You don't understand, so let me tell you."

 

_Why does she want to make this so hard?_

"There's really nothing left to say.  I think we've been over the fine-print enough times."

 

"No.  _Nozomi_.  Listen to me."  Her voice was suddenly fierce.  Demanding.

 

It gave Nozomi pause.  So did her eyes.  So often her downfall lay in the softer shade of blue that she could see, but today there was a fire burning there.

 

"Please don't..."  It was about all she could think to say.

 

"Just five minutes."

 

Nozomi opened her mouth but there wasn't nything left to say.  Having ran out of ideas, she did the only thing left to do; she closed the door.

 

Eli hammered a fist against it immediately.  Once, then twice in quick succession.  Then a third time, heavy and baleful.  The sound made Nozomi wince.

 

"Open the door.  I need to talk to you."  Muffled, but you could still hear something unyielding in her tone.

 

Nozomi began to wonder...

 

Then she stopped herself.

 

"You don't.  You don't _need_...  To..."  Her voice wilted as it left her mouth.

 

The answer was another thud from the other side of the door.

 

"I'm not leaving until you speak to me."

 

The sense of _command_ in those words pissed Nozomi off, shaking off her cloak of apathy.  She gritted her teeth and tried to focus...

 

_Walk away._

"Well, you'd better settle in for the night then.  Maybe I'll see you tomorrow morning!"  The words leapt from her mouth with bile.

 

"I'll be here."  Eli replied.

 

"I'm going to be leaving early."

 

"I'm an early riser."

 

"I hope so.  I won't be pressing the snooze button on my alarm for you."

"I don't even _have_ a snooze button!"

 

Nozomi bit her tongue on the verge of another retort.  She knew she was letting herself be drawn into a confrontation.

 

_Walk away._

This time she did, though not before another baleful look at the door.  The response was another spiteful thud that echoed down her entranceway, chasing her into her bedroom.

 

*********************

 

_She won't wait all night...  Will she?_

She had tried peeking several times, but Eli was evidently listening, because she started kicking up a racket whenever she heard Nozomi approach the front door.

 

Then Nozomi had devised another method of detection; calling Eli and listening for her ring tone outside.  That had worked for a while, until Eli had clicked and simply turned her phone off.

 

At 11 PM Nozomi found herself pacing her room, her warden from the north still present, as far as she could tell.

 

_I'm an early riser._

Damn, that had been begging for a quip.  Nozomi cursed her lack of opportunism.  Well...  It wasn't like it mattered.  None of this mattered at all.  She tried to push the whole stupid scenario from her mind.

 

_She's probably gone._

As if to answer the thought, her phone pinged with a text from _her_.   

 

 **Eli:** I'm not going anywhere.

**Nozomi:** Odd.  You couldn't wait to get away before.

 

She regretted it the moment she pressed send.  Though she shouldn't have, she reasoned; it was the truth.

 

It was.

 

 **Eli:** I'm not leaving now.

 

 **Nozomi:** If whatever you have to say is so important then text me.

**Eli:** No.

 

Nozomi felt a vein throb on her forehead.  Obviously she had forgotten that she had dated perhaps the most stubborn girl to ever walk the earth.

_No._

And that one word was basically her catchphrase.  You know, besides the other one.

 

Her phone pinged again, this time with what she took to be an accompanying picture to that last text; it was a selfie of Eli looking extremely grumpy, eyes screwed up as she grimaced into the camera.

 

Upon seeing the picture, Nozomi would admit that the smallest, faintest, most remote hint of a chuckle escaped her lips.  It was hardly worth mentioning, except that it made Nozomi realize what the next stage in Eli's devious strategy to get her to talk was...

 

Now, if there was one thing Nozomi loved more than cute blonde girls with tight bodies, it was shenanigans.

 

_You sly fox..._

That's what Eli was trying to do.  She had tried the direct approach and now she was trying to distract Nozomi by making this a game, all before she blindsided her into... 

 

-That didn't matter right now.

 

Nozomi promptly turned off her phone.

 

There.  

 

Now she had cut off all ties of communication. 

 

She smiled, pleased with her effective countermeasure.

 

For an hour or so she laid on her bed in silence.  Then she turned her phone back on, because the danger had surely passed, right?  And she certainly wasn't living in the stone age.  She was part of a successful school-idol group, she'd have you know.

 

There was a rattle at her front door.  Swiftly, Nozomi got to her feet and crept down to the entranceway.  Something was being pushed through her letterbox.  She knelt by the door as it fell through; it was a small box of chocolate.

 

_Eli never shares chocolate._

Nozomi regarded the offending item with narrowed eyes.

 

_It's a trap!_

Nozomi picked it up and pushed it back through the letterbox.  There was an immediately a jumble of activity on the other side.

 

"I went to the convenience store.  I thought it would be rude not to buy you anything."  Eli explained in a whisper, opening the letterbox and pushing the chocolate back through.

 

"I don't want it."  Nozomi snapped, pushing it back to the other side.

 

"Take it."  Eli caught it on the other side and pushed it back through.

 

"Never!"  Nozomi pushed it back again and then slammed the letterbox shut, holding it down.

 

"Accept my gift!"  Came Eli's muffled, provocative reply.

 

"I'd..."  Nozomi's lips twitched towards a smirk.

 

_Stop!  She's doing it on purpose._

Nozomi snarled at the door.  Trying to use her love of innuendo against her, was there any length this girl wouldn't stoop to?

 

A silence followed Eli's attempts to shove the slim box of chocolate through the door.

 

After a few more minutes she heard the sound of a foil wrapper being torn.

 

"Fine.  More Alforto for me."  Eli sulked.

 

Nozomi let go of the letterbox.  Another box of chocolate immediately came though.

 

"Ha!  I bought two."  She taunted.

 

Nozomi tried, but as she suspected, the letterbox was now barred from the outside.  She grimaced in defeat and picked up the box before making her retreat.

 

********************

 

A few hours later found Nozomi sleepless, rolling back and forth across her bed in a futile search for comfort.  Despite there being a keen edge to the cold outside, the inside of her room seemed to be permeated by a cloying heat that clung to her skin that drove her restlessness.  That, and another line of thought...

 

_She's just a few metres away..._

A thorn in her side.  Forever needling away...

 

_She's probably cold..._

 

Eli had been wearing a winter coat, but the incoming winds were driving the temperature down as the night wore on...  Nozomi gritted her teeth and shoved her face into her pillow, trying to force her worries away.  Anyway, Eli was used to the cold in more ways than one, she thought, half-bitter and half-childish.

 

There had been no further communication since the Alforto incident (which, incidentally, Nozomi had eaten), leaving them in at a stalemate.

 

She had considered calling one of the girls, but given their collective nature to be rather theatrical gossips (admittedly derived from Nozomi herself), that would only lead to ruin, even if unintentional.

 

_It's getting pretty cold out there..._

Nozomi sighed and got up, the howling wind outside echoing her thoughts.  Eli had probably left...  Maybe.

 

Absentmindedly, she grabbed a woollen blanket that was draped over the corner of her bed as she left the room.

 

She slowed and then came to a halt as she approached the door.  Straining her ears, she listened for any signs of her blonde menace.  Only the empty howl of the wind whipping around her building could be heard..  The eyeglass revealed nothing more.

 

Cautiously, she unlocked the door, careful to minimize the noise.  Opening it an inch, she waited. 

 

Nothing.

 

A few inches more and she could peek outside.  Eli was there, huddled up and asleep against the railing opposite Nozomi's front door.

 

Carefully, she stepped outside and gazed down upon her former lover.  Her hood was up but had been half blown-back by the wind, revealing a few stray blonde locks tussling with the wind.  Beyond them was an expression that looked determined and stubborn even in sleep.

 

It wasn't as though she looked particularly beautiful in that setting; defiant maybe, but Nozomi saw something... 

 

_Why now?_

She was torn between wanting to know Eli's sudden declaration and fleeing; covering her ears and skating away into the night, less those familiar lips give away their secrets.  It couldn't hurt anymore if she didn't know, right?

 

Momentarily lost in her quandary, she failed to spy an inquisitive pair of eyes flicker open and latch onto her.

 

"Can I come in?"

 

Nozomi tensed up as the voice caught her ear beneath the dying whisper of the wind.  Panicked, she threw the blanket in Eli's face and ran back inside, slamming the door shut behind her.  She swiftly walked back into the living room and sat down on the couch.

 

The cards were still there, laid out before her; their readings suddenly stark in the waning moonlight.  Nozomi turned away.  Amongst the pile she had spilled earlier, the faces of friends peered out; Nico's silly cards from two months prior.  She had kept them and had enjoyed employing them in her little tarot-themed sideshows.  Glancing across each card, she found herself longing for her friends now.  Her loneliness had become a heavy, suffocating cloak, not the shimmering veil she had once used to hold herself apart from the others.

 

Without thinking, she stepped into her bedroom, picked up her phone and dialled Nico's number.  A few rings until the line clicked on...  

 

"What?"  A voice squeaked in irritation.

 

"Did I wake you?"  Nozomi asked, resisting the sudden urge to chuckle.

 

"I swear to god.  You'd better have a good excuse."

 

"Eli is outside."

 

There was a pause; Nozomi guessed it was Nico wresting her mental faculties back from dreams of idol supremacy and into the waking world.

 

"Drunk Eli?"  She asked cautiously.

 

"No.  Normal Eli."

 

"Why?"

 

"I don't know.  I mean...  I don't want to know.  I haven't let her in.  Now she won't go away."

 

Nico sighed.  "Well...  You should probably talk to her."

 

"I don't want to."

 

"You know, I think I can see where the problem is here." 

 

"Where?"

 

"Shut up."

 

"What do you think?"

 

"What do _I_ think?  Why are you even calling me?"

 

"You're my #1 idol.  I didn't know who else to call."

 

"That's very sweet but Nico needs her beauty sleep."

 

"You're not allowed to say your own name.  You remember?  That's today technically."

 

"Well, I'm sure you can ignore that one tiny mistake since YOU JUST WOKE ME UP AT 3AM!"

 

"I guess...  Do you have that weird stuff all over your face?"

 

"I hate you so much.  I just want you to know that.  Now, go and talk to your girlfriend and then get some sleep.  Just do it.  I'm only going to say this once, and if you ever bring up I'm going to deny it; you're being an even bigger drama queen than me.  So just...  Stop it.  Oh, and stay the hell away from me tomorrow...  Or today, or whatever." 

 

With that she hung up.

 

Nozomi's arm fell down by her side, tossing her phone onto the bedside table.  She glanced at the entranceway, peering through the gloom of her living room and listening intently.

 

Nico was right.

 

She took a deep breath.

 

_When I'm with you I feel so alone._

Those words leapt at her unbidden.  And the memory of the way she had given up so easily came back with it, razor-sharp and debilitating.

 

Suddenly she was shaking.  She wasn't going outside.

 

Couldn't do it.

 

Better to go back to bed.  Even if sleep was a hopeless endeavour.

 

**********************

 

She probably only managed an hour or less before her alarm sounded off.

 

No snooze button, as promised.  But there was the temptation to simply lay there and dwell on what was to come, to allow dread to consume her.  She even entertained the idea of calling in sick, but something about that rubbed her the wrong way; she wanted to hide, but she wouldn't be a prisoner in her own home.

 

She pressed on with her morning; her body completing each step of her routine as her mind ticked along, marking off each moment as another closer to opening her front door.

 

_Maybe she left._

Maybe.  It didn't seem likely, even as Nozomi held onto the idea.

 

When the moment came, she edged towards her door, listening and then peering through the eyeglass.  No signs of her tormentor's presence were apparent.

 

Outside.  The third-floor walkway was clear.  She locked her door and cautiously stepped towards the stairwell.  No one there either, nor the second or first floor.

 

She stepped out of her apartment block and breathed a sigh of relief.  Then something caught the corner of her eye...

 

Eli was stood a few meters down the road in front of a vending machine.

 

Nozomi froze, her body locking up.

 

Eli turned to look at her, eyes wide and startled.

 

Then Nozomi did what any sensible person would have done in her situation.  She ran.

 

"Nozomi!"  She heard the cry emanate from somewhere behind her.

 

She risked a glance over her shoulder and was instantly reminded of the flaw in her plan; Eli was faster than her.

 

_This calls for evasive manoeuvres._

She reached into her bag and grabbed a bottle of water.  Half-turning, she threw it at Eli with all the force she could muster.

 

As she turned back to the road ahead she heard the crunch of plastic accompanied by a shriek as, presumably, Eli was soaked in the chilled liquid.

 

"Nozomi!"  The scream chased her down the street.

 

"Better luck next time, Baryshnikov!"  Nozomi allowed herself a final taunt, flinging it back just before she turned the corner.

 

**********************

 

She made it to the station in record time, unapologetically shoving drowsy early-morning commuters out of her way.

 

Sprinting onto the platform, she jumped onto a train, the conductors whistles serenading her as they announced an imminent departure.

 

She swung back as the doors closed and looked through the window.  Just as the train started to pull away she saw Eli explode onto the platform, scattering several people around the stairwell.  She saw the train, and somehow, seemed to pick Nozomi out with a laser-like gaze.  The last thing Nozomi saw was her turning around and heading back into the station.

 

_What the hell is she going to do now?_

Nozomi sagged back against a window, short of breath and sweating.  She caught the ghost of her reflection before sunlight flooded the window.  There was a crooked smile plastered over her lips and her eyes were wide and wild.

 

She giggled once and then forcefully stopped herself.  She already had a audience of gawkers in the carriage.  

 

_You're having a good time._

It was true.  She was having...  Fun.  And awaiting Eli's next move only gave her a suspended sense excitement that lurked behind her anxiety, diluting it.

 

Maybe Nico was right, maybe she was a fucking idiot.

 

...Or maybe...  Maybe it was just _her_.

 

Only she could make Nozomi feel this way in her midst of everything that had come before now.

 

*********************

 

She departed the train hastily, shooting looks in every direction for that tell-tale swish of a blonde ponytail. 

 

At least she was easy to spot in Tokyo.

 

The journey from the station to Otonokizaka was fraught with tense moments, pauses where she was sure she had caught a glimpse of her stalker lying in wait.  Ever wary of traps, Nozomi would sometimes double-back and take a different route.

 

Even as the sunlight faded and grimmer clouds gathered, she had to keep telling herself that it wasn't exhilarating at all.

 

When she finally arrived at the school gate, she found Nico and Maki, hand-in-hand, looking oddly placid as they strolled towards the school building.

 

"Hey."  Nozomi greeted them.

 

They both raised an eyebrow in sync as they saw her, making Nozomi wonder just what she looked like after her morning assault-course.

 

"I don't want to know."  Was all Nico offered, pushing the palm of her hand out in Nozomi's direction.

 

"Have you seen Eli?"

 

"No."  Nico replied as Maki shook her head.

 

Nozomi found the wisp of a laugh on her lips as she gazed upon her friends, breathlessly.

 

"What's wrong with you today, Nicocchi?"

 

" _Someone_ woke me up last night and I couldn't go back to sleep.  The world is very unfair on N...  Me."  Her face twisted into a grimace.

 

"That was a close one."  Maki gave a dry chuckle as she nudged her.  Nico pulled a face in response.

 

"What's...  Oh!  That's today.  I..." 

 

How had it slipped her mind!?  Well, of course there was a reason why but, come on.  This was serious stuff!

 

"Nozomi!"

 

Such was the piercing nature of the wail, that all three of them froze on the spot before turning to see its origin; a heat-seeking half-Russian on a mission.

 

_She's nothing if not persistent._

"Nicocchi, I need your help."  Nozomi murmured as she watched her aggressor come sprinting through the school gates towards her. 

 

"Help you?  When I can stand here and watch you get your richly deserved comeuppance?  No.  I think I'll-"  The self-proclaimed super idol was interrupted as Nozomi grabbed her arm and threw her into the path of an on-coming Eli.

 

Nozomi only heard them collide, she was already running towards the school.  She couldn't resist a glance back as a Nico-sized screamed echoed after her.  They had both collapsed on the floor in a tangled heap.  Eli was desperately trying to get free and continue her pursuit, but was being hampered by Nico, who was thumping the floor and screaming curses after her fleeing classmate.

 

Maki watched on, helpless with laughter.

 

***********************

 

Unsure if there was any real chance of escape, coupled with the fact that she was moving on instinct rather than logic now, she ended up on the roof.

 

She moved over to the railing and looked down over the school grounds.  Eli was nowhere to be seen.

 

She started to laugh again but forced herself to stop.

 

_Why are you even running?  What from?  What can she possibly say now?_

The thought crystallized as she turned to find Eli in the doorway of the roof entrance.

 

There really was no escape now.  It would just be another humbling defeat and then Exit Stage Left.

 

A rattling breath left her lips as Eli approached, she could feel herself giving up the ghost.

 

_No more fun for you.  Time to grow up again._

"You're a difficult girl to speak to."  Eli noted as she moved within a few paces of her quarry.

 

"Busy schedule."  Nozomi quipped.

 

"Can you fit me in now?" 

 

Nozomi could see the provocation in her eyes as she said it.

 

"Shut up."  She snapped in reply.  Because it wasn't funny anymore.  It wasn't funny when the aftermath was just going to be more misery to weigh her down.  "Stop talking like that."

 

"Talking like that?"

 

"You know what I mean."

 

"I don't.  Care to explain?"

 

"Stop acting like you want me."  She said it before she could stop herself.

 

And that was the truth.  That was why it had been fun.

 

_To be wanted.  Just for once._

Nozomi looked away in desperation.  She wanted to be anywhere else.  Just to not have to hear why it was all wrong.  _Again_.  To have it all taken away.  _Again._ The wounds re-opened...

 

"You've got it all wrong."  Eli said, stepping towards her.

 

Nozomi glanced back at her.  This seemed like a different tact than the usual one.

 

She felt a drop of rain fall against her hand, then a small patter against her cheek.

 

"We should go inside."  Anything for a distraction, another chance to run.

 

"No.  Right here is fine."  There was something ominous in the way Eli was eyeing her.  

 

"Ok...  Just say whatever you've got to say then."

 

"I've been lying to you for a long time."

 

"Sure."

 

"And I've been fooling myself."

 

"Sure."  Barely a whisper.  She felt another drop of rain brush against her lips as she uttered the word.

 

"I'm leaving for America when we graduate.  I have a scholarship to study ballet and choreography.  It's what I've always wanted to do and I'm going to do it."

 

She would admit, that caught her out, but it didn't really change anything, just solidified it.

 

"And I'm in love you.  I have been for two years and it's only gotten worse, because if you haven't noticed, I'm kind of hopeless with these things..."

 

Now, that did shake her.  Hard.  Right out of the apathy she was willingly sinking back into.  Maybe there was a chance...

 

...But...

 

_When I'm with you I feel so alone._

 

She hurled those words back at Eli.  Felt herself bare her teeth as she snarled.

 

"I...  I wanted to believe it wasn't me."  Her voice shook for the first time this morning.

 

The fragility there cooled Nozomi's anger, though she didn't stand down.

 

"I kept lying.  I was afraid...  That's why I made a mess of everything!  I'm sorry it took me so long just to tell you the truth...  Like you asked."

 

The rain was starting to fall heavily, forming a downpouring haze of half-moments between the two.  Nozomi couldn't focus, but she was aware that Eli was moving towards her, even if at a glacial pace.  Still, she just couldn't connect her words with the reality.

 

"I can't let you go but I have to leave.  So that means I have to be selfish and ask something unfair of you."

 

Nozomi felt herself shake.  The rain was bearing down, getting in her eyes and making everything blur between blinks.  She was torn between the urge to run - _Just Fucking Run_ \- and to stay and grip onto whatever this was.  Just hope.

 

"Will you still be with me even if we're apart.  Will you still be mine if I'm still yours?"

 

She wanted to scream.  Because this just didn't seem like it was really happening.

 

She backed away, just a half-step, but Eli still came forward through the torrent of dark grey.  Those blue eyes burned like beacons from a long forgotten place.

 

"We'll figure everything out...  Everything.  Just later, when I've got you back..."

 

Suddenly Eli's hands clasped her shoulders in a vice-like grip.  Nozomi looked up and met the gaze that had haunted her dreams for so long; idle day-dreams and fantasies of deep slumber both.

 

"Y-you can't..."  She had to force herself to speak, seemed like she couldn't hear her own voice, just feel the reverberations.  "...Not again."

 

"It's your choice.  It has to be you."

 

Those words seemed to uproot everything; every lonely night; the sleeplessness, the restlessness and the certainty that this was how she would always be; alone.  Everything and everyone else was just a distraction, a delay before returning to the inevitable depths of her solitude.

 

It was easier.  Just to stay like that.  To dare for a companion would only hurt more when they left.  She had been bloodied, and had bandaged over those wounds enough times to know the awful truth.

 

"You have to promise..."  She whispered despite the fear that bit down deep.

 

"Just say it."

 

"You'll always want me.  You'll never stop chasing me."

 

"I'll never stop...  And I'll always catch you.  I promise."  Her hand cupped Nozomi's cheek as she spoke, her other arm wrapping around her back.

 

Soaked and disorientated as she was, Nozomi found herself looking up into those baby blues; just like she had so many times over the last few years, always longing to fall into them.

 

_...To just let go..._

And finally she found the courage to do it.  She fell back, pulling Eli with her.

 

She kissed her hard and felt a fire inside burn as Eli drew her in.

 

At last, they were together.

 

*******************

 

Of course Nico knew.  It hadn't been hard to guess when they had both turned up for class drenched and a few minutes late.  There had been stares aplenty, though none more gnawing than their petite classmate's.

 

But those questions would have to wait, because besides romantic revelations, there was another reason why this was a monumental day.  And Nozomi was planning to indulge in every moment of it.

 

As homeroom came to an end, she leaned back and stretched her arms up into the air.

 

"Nico puri."  She hummed.

 

Eli glanced at her and grinned.  "Nico Nico."  She joined in.

 

They heard a growl emanate from the desk behind them.

 

"Nico puri."  Eli chimed again.

 

"Nico Nico."  Nozomi obliged.

 

Eli put a finger to her lips and turned to Nozomi in puzzlement.

 

"Hmm...  What's the next line?"

 

"Kimegao ki...  Oh, forget it!"  Nico hissed from behind them.

 

"No...  No...  I don't think so.  It was more catchy."  Nozomi turned to Eli, equally puzzled.

 

Nico groaned.

 

"Oh!  I remember."  Eli's face lit up.  "Nico puri!"

 

"That's right!"  Nozomi joined in.  "Nico Nico."

 

They both turned to Nico.  She was watching them both with an expression contorted by malice.

 

"Why aren't you joining in, Nicocchi?"  Nozomi asked innocuously.

 

"Yeah, come on!  We're not really much of an act without you."  Eli added.

 

Nico fixed them both with another withering gaze.

 

"You two are the worst.  _The_ _absolute_ _worst_."  Nico spat at them, before rising and joining the stream of students exiting the classroom.

 

Nozomi turned to Eli, a rye smile on her lips.

 

"What a day!  I want to savour every moment.  And that's before I get to your punishment for this morning's hijinks."

 

Eli eyes went wide in mock outrage.  "Me?  You were the one breaking all the rules.  No running in the hallways, don't you remember?  And that's just for starters.  Looks like I'm going to have break out some serious disciplinary measures..."

 

"Gross.  Even for you whores."  Nico called out just before she disappeared out of the door.

 

"Looks like word's already out."  Nozomi grinned.

 

Eli sighed and shook her head..  "I guess you want to have some fun before we stop pretending that everyone doesn't already know?"

 

Nozomi promptly swooned.  "I could just kiss you to death."

 

"I suppose I'll have to take the rough with the smooth."  Eli shot her a wink.

 

Nozomi smirked.  "Variety is the spice of life, sweetheart."

 

***********************

 

"And that's why we're going to..."  Honoka took a deep breath as she scanned the club room, cheeks tinted red from the exertions of carrying her morale-boasting speech to its climax.  "...Shine!"

 

There was a series of groans around the room.

 

"What?"  Honoka appealed to the room.  "What?"

 

"It's just..."  Kotori started reluctantly, eyeing her friend sympathetically.

 

"You use that word too much."  Umi snapped, finishing for her girlfriend. 

 

"I don't..."  Honoka looked genuinely hurt.  "...D-do I?"  She gazed around the room.

 

"Honey..."  Nico began with a faintly apologetic smile.  "...If we shined as much as you told us to, we'd have blinded each other by now."

 

Honoka looked crestfallen as the rest of the room nodded in agreement.

 

"Learn some new verbs.  Or adjectives.  Or...  Anything."  Umi added.

 

Honoka turned to her, a sour look creasing her face.  "...You weren't like this in the manga..."  She mumbled to herself.

 

"What was that?"

 

"Nothing."  Honoka sat down, pointedly turning away from Umi in a sulk.

 

"Well, anyway..."  Nozomi grinned.  "Elichi has a very exciting announcement."  She prompted, gesturing to the her classmate, sat beside her.

 

With that, Eli stood up and addressed the room, explaining plans for after graduation.  The aftermath was filled with heart-felt congratulations and gasps of surprise as Umi and Maki looked on knowingly.

 

At the end of it all Nico was left looking suspiciously at the two of them.

 

"But...  You two..."  She pointed at them to emphasize the unspoken point.

 

"What about us?"  Nozomi asked, acting oblivious to the insinuation.

 

"You're...  You're...  But...  You just made up.  You're dating again!"

 

Eli gasped and turned to Nozomi, wide-eyed.

 

"That's...  Nico, what _are_ you talking about?"  Outrage bloomed theatrically from each word.

 

Nozomi shook her head and glared hard at Nico.

 

"Nicocchi, I would appreciate if you could leave your gossip outside of this door.  What is this?  A club room for young ladies or scandal central?"  She turned from Nico to Umi.

 

Umi gazed back at her, totally bewildered.  "...A...  Club room..?"

 

"That's right."  Eli agreed.  "After all, we're _just friends_."

 

"Exactly.  _Totally platonic._ "  Nozomi concurred.

 

Nico stared at them both.  Then, while remaining perfectly still and without her features contorting in any way, she screamed.  Just opened her mouth and screamed for exactly one second.  Then she threw her arms in the air and leaned back in her chair.

 

"No."  Was all she deigned to offer.

 

"If you don't apologize right now, we're leaving."  Nozomi threatened.

 

"Where?"  Nico shot back.

 

"Back to my apartment where we can both relax in privacy.  Just the two of us, of course."

 

"And where we won't be the victim of such cut-throat slander."  Eli added.

 

No one in the room seemed to know where to look.  Except Nico.  Her glowering gaze fell heavily on her two classmates.

 

"Nozomi, I think they know..."  Eli whispered loudly.

 

"Jesus Christ."  Nico muttered, shaking her head.

 

"Don't worry, Elichi.  No one knows we're-"

 

"Worst couple of all time!"  Nico exploded.  "There, we were all thinking it and I said it.  Congratulation, Eli.  You've made Nozomi more unbearable.  I didn't think it was possible, but you've proven me wrong."

 

That set off Kotori, who had already been suppressing giggles for the last few exchanges.  She began to clap, applauding her seniors.

 

Nico sighed and looked away.

 

Nozomi found a smile forming across her lips that she couldn't subdue.  She turned to see the same look reflected across Eli's face.  As their eyes met it only got worse.

 

_She's your girlfriend._

She nearly blurted it out as well, only keeping her cool by the thinnest of threads.  She settled for reaching out under the table and grasping Eli's hand, delighted to simply feel those astute fingers intertwine with her own.  She wasn't sure what passed over her face but everyone saw it, and took it for the sign they had been waiting for.

 

Umi led the congratulations, almost overcome with relief when she realized they had been joking.  She rushed over to Eli and embraced her.

 

"America's going to be so exciting!  And you..."  She glanced at Nozomi.  "Well, studying in a foreign country, incredible!"

 

Nozomi raised an eyebrow at that.  "Umi, where's my hug?"  She held her arms out.

 

Umi recoiled, making sure Eli was between the two of them.  "You've taken a on a great burden."  She mumbled to her senior.

 

"We've talked about this."  Eli warned Nozomi.  "No more harassment."

 

Nozomi made a show of pouting for a moment.  "Except Nicocchi."  She turned to grin at her diminutive classmate.

 

"Well, _obviously_.  That would be crazy.  Who could resist?"  Eli agreed.

 

Nico made a gagging motion.

 

"No."  Maki kept her eyes down but put an arm Nico's shoulders and pulled her a little closer.

 

A look of surprise caught Nico out for a moment, then she leaned into a Maki, a big dumb smile breaking out over her face.  She only managed to keep it under rein by injecting it with a certain degree of smugness.

 

"Maki-chan is so cute when she's brave."  She murmured.

 

"It's just like that time we were in Maki's dream."  Honoka whispered as she watched them.

 

Both girls glanced in her direction in puzzlement.

 

"Nothing."  Honoka murmured as she gave a big thumbs up.

 

The room devolved into a series of chatter from there, each of the girls taking turns to congratulate their seniors or ruminate in wonder on the sudden shift, the meeting's initial point of Love Live long forgotten.

 

In the midst of it all, Nozomi found it hard not just to stare at Eli.  

 

"Having a good time?"  Eli whispered, leaning in.

 

"Yeah."

 

She shivered as she felt Eli shift closer, just enough that their thighs brushed.  Her mind was whirled by a fuzzy sense of unreality as the sensation swept across her skin.

 

"Ready for something special?"  She mumbled.

 

"Really?"  Eli turned to her, a hint of caution in her eyes.  "Here?"

 

"Just watch."

 

Nozomi shook herself sharp and sat up.  Fixing her targets in sight, she cleared her throat.

 

"Maki, you should know that Nicocchi came perilously close to losing your bet earlier.  She nearly slipped up."

 

"Only because you wouldn't shut up!"  Nico immediately retaliated.

 

Maki chuckled at the fireworks.  "Well, I'm sure she's going to make _short_ work of losing."  She asserted with a smug smile, patting Nico's head.

 

A few seconds ticked by before that smile cracked.  Her eyes widened in panic.

 

"Maki-Maki-Maki-Maki-Maki-Maki-Maki-Maki-Maki-Maki-Maki-Maaaaa!"  Nico was suddenly all over her, grappling and tugging her now-limp body this way and that.

 

"Wow, I did not expect it to be that easy."  Nozomi whispered to Eli.  "Now, just wait..."

 

"N-no..."  The word fell from Maki's lips, already informed by defeat.  "I-I didn't..."

 

"Maki...  Just one day."  Hanayo gave her a look of despair.

 

"Oh!  Nico can't wait to make you look super-cute!  Nico's going to put everything she's got into it.  And the posing!  You're going to need some extra-special Nico-Ni training.  Only the best will do for Nico's Maki-chan!"

 

"And there it is."  Nozomi whispered to Eli. 

 

She eyed Nico and grinned.  "Nicocchi...  You know the bet isn't over until the end of the day."

 

Nico paused in her preening as a smile of retribution ghosted Maki's lips.

 

"Nico-chan..."

 

Nico turned and looked around the room, a hollowness spreading across her features.  Her eyes stopped on Umi.

 

"That's...  Not.  That wasn't the deal..."  Her eyes went wide with pleading.

 

Umi glanced around the room, sensing that the decision hinged upon her authority.  She glanced at Honoka, who was clearly trying not to laugh, and then turned to Kotori, who shrugged, despite a wicked grin adorning her lips.

 

"I wasn't really listening to you prattle on yesterday, but it only seems fair that if one of you suffers the other should too."  Umi spread her palms.

 

Nico groaned loudly as Maki smiled smugly.

 

"I want you all to know that I'm sacrificing myself to spare all of your suffering."  The redhead remarked dryly to the rest of the room.

 

"We won't forget it."  Eli spoke for the room, heartfelt as she made a vain gesture of reaching out to her.

 

"Nya..."  Rin groaned in mourning, reaching out as well.  "The hero we need, not the one we deserve, nya..."

 

"You're very brave."  Hanayo agreed.

 

"You can all go to hell."  Nico muttered, slouching back in her seat.

 

Eli turned to Nozomi, impressed.

 

"You're lethal."  She remarked.

 

"Wasn't even trying."  Nozomi replied, examining her nails.

 

********************

 

They fell into each other that night.

 

To Nozomi, it was like sweeping rains in a desert.  Every moment was vivid and invigorating.

 

It also made her realize how long it had been since they had laid in each other's arms without trepidation.  For so many months they shared a bed intermitidly, but not whatever they had crafted between themselves, taking and taking but never giving to other.  The naivety of it seemed shallow and obvious now, even in the moments where just laying beside Eli had been a relief, a sense of coming home.

 

Tonight was reminiscent of last summer, along with something else; an acknowledgement that they had changed, had warped and then re-shaped themselves individually, but found they still fit together. Now perhaps even tighter.

 

She fell back, her head cushioned by a pillow, her body sweat-drenched and commandeered by the motions of her blonde companions hands.  When she looked at her, she saw all of the different pieces; the drunk girl that had made her lust and laugh, the school friend who had given her a place to inhabit, her first love who had thrilled her and now, the woman who had gripped the reins of her future. 

 

She breathed deeply, enjoying the mixed aroma of their bodies and letting her hands roam along the curvature of her lover's flanks as they recovered.

 

Suddenly, Eli leapt on her.

 

"Good job, buddy!"  She shouted, ruffling Nozomi's hair.

 

The purple-haired girl shrieked and tried to push her away, but Eli was not to be deterred.

 

"Great job!  Really, fantastic.  You're really on a whole new level, _buddy_."  She yelled, wrapping her arms around Nozomi's neck and pressing her face into her chest.

 

In retaliation, Nozomi swung her arms around Eli's waist, and then, with a practised swivel of her hips, rolled Eli over, switching positions while still pressed together.

 

"Very funny."  Nozomi giggled, now looking down on her lover.  "Very clever."

 

"It seemed like the appropriate thing."  Eli shot back, laughing.

 

"I'd be a hypocrite if I said it wasn't funny."

 

"When has that ever stopped you?"

 

Nozomi flicked her on the forehead for that.

 

"I guess it had been a staple of our relationship ever since the first impact."

 

Eli pouted at that, her face screwing up in what Nozomi would admit, was one the unassumingly cutest faces she could pull.

 

"We're going to have to sand off some of those cruder edges if this is a permanent thing now."  The blonde sulked.

 

"I don't know."  Nozomi shrugged.  "I think you'd get too stiff without me to loosen you up."

 

Eli sighed.  "It's probably a hopeless endeavour anyway.  You never change."

 

Nozomi kissed her then.  Once, twice...  And then a third time.

 

"I'm not so sure, but why don't you take your time finding out."

 

******************

 

Waking up came slow; warm and a little sore. 

 

She was alone, but could see a shaft a light from the living room peering through the bedroom door, which had been left ajar.

 

Glancing up her alarm clock, she found that she was still in the very early hours of the morning.

 

Without rushing, she sat up and reached down to the floor, fishing through the pile of discarded clothes that laid there.  Some underwear and her school shirt sufficed.  Besides, with a few strategic buttons undone it could still look pretty sexy.

 

She found Eli, as she had so many months ago, leaning against a counter in her small kitchen, now clad in just a bra and a pair of shorts.  She had a glass of water in hand, but as she came full into view, Nozomi saw that she held a sheet of paper in her other hand.

 

Something about the sight made her tense.  As she came closer, she saw why; it was the broken edges of the wax seal that stopped her in her tracks a few paces way.

 

Eli looked up, glancing in her direction.

 

"I found it by accident.  Sorry, I guess...  I couldn't resist."

 

Nozomi watched her carefully, looking for any sign of what she had written in that letter so long ago.  Eli had probably read the accompanying letters, there wasn't anything harmful there but...  Something about her old self; it made her uncomfortable, knowing that the empty girl she had once been now had a window into the future, and to this particular person...

 

"...What..."  Her mouth felt dry.  "...Does it say?"

 

"What do you think it says?"  Eli asked, her expression still neutral.

 

Nozomi tried to compose herself but there something cold inside like frost.  It kept her on edge.  The soreness from earlier now became an unwelcome stiffness.

 

"I don't...  Know."  She admitted after a few moment.

 

"Clearly you've always had a unique sense of humour."  Eli cracked a smile.

 

Nozomi looked up, bewildered.

 

Eli held the letter out for her to see.

 

_Hello.  Goodbye._

 

Nozomi stared at the words wide-eyed, the only two that adorned the page.

 

"It's hard to imagine you ever having so little to say."  Eli began to laugh.

 

All she could do was stare at those two words in silence.

 

_Hello._

_Goodbye._

Nothing else to say.  That had been the truth.  And by comparison, now that seemed pretty funny.

 

Nozomi felt a smile threatening her lips.

 

"What would you say now?  For...  Let's say in ten years time?"  Eli asked.

 

That smile slipped out, playing a rhythm across her lips.

 

"Well, I just a seduced a hot young blonde.  That seems noteworthy."

 

Eli tried to frown but gave up, still laughing.  She put a finger to her lips, apparently deep in thought.  "What was her name again?"

 

Nozomi shrugged. 

 

"I have a feeling I'll remember at the time."  She murmured, drawing Eli into her arms.

 

******************

 

For the second night in a row neither of them slept much, though this time due to much happier circumstances.

 

They spent most of the night talking.  Now each had been rejoined to the other, there seemed a myriad of things to discuss, examine and exhale.

 

Inevitably, the conversation followed along the timeline of their relationship; from the early days full of half-glances and scouting out their sexuality, to the gloomier days around the turn of the year.

 

Nozomi had questions; the first about those words from so long ago...

 

_One of these days I'm going to get my act together._

 

Eli opened up about the end of last summer; the gnawing sensation that was to become a constant, dogging her steps for the following months.  The fear that everything she had grown to love was beginning to end, and the desperation to act before fate swallowed her up for the second time in her life.

 

They talked about that night in the snow, when Nozomi had fallen into her arms.  And she admitted that she had fallen for Eli all over again in that moment.

 

Then came the drunken antics that followed.  Eli conceded, in the sometimes cold light of hindsight, that drink had gradually become an all-too-familiar companion during their time estranged; alone, she had been torn between an uncertain future and a lonely present.

 

Within that morning another set of words had been uttered that had stalked Nozomi months since...

 

_My family, they wouldn't understand...  Where I'm from, it's not like here.  There's no future for us..._

It led them to the dreaded subject of _The Parents._

Her words had prophesized a very probable reality, Eli admitted.  But they had been another excuse at the time.  They would, she declared, define their own relationship.  Alisa wouldn't mind, and she was pretty sure her grandmother suspected something already.  She would deal with her parents when the time came.

 

For her part, Nozomi suspected her family would not welcome the nature of her love-life.  She would tell them upon graduating Otonokizaka and move on regardless.  She had already considered plans to survive on part-time work and student finance in university if the worst came to the worst.

 

Then, of course, came the subject of Eli's departure and how the hell they planned to deal with being half the world away from each other.  But strangely that seemed like a minor problem in light of all that they had come through before.  They had ideas, plans to bride the gaping drops of loneliness that would surely await them, but those were concerns for another time.  Why dread the future when the present felt so warm?

 

On and on they talked, always something to confess or uncover.  By the time they finally fell asleep, slumped against each other, Nozomi felt that raw, unnerving sense that they both exposed themselves to the other with sincerity.  It was first time for months, and it scared her more than she cared to admit.  Still, in doing so she had re-discovered a source of comfort that she believed, faithfully, would always hold her close, eclipsing such worries.

 

And she slept much deeper for it.

 

***********************

 

Wasn't that sweet?

 

Nozomi thought so.  Just like a tear-jerking teenage dream.

 

That's it.  Onto the final chapter; _Graduation_...

 

...Wait.  Wait just a minute.

 

There's still some pay-off from that NicoMaki bet.  And you seriously thought Nozomi was going to skip over that in _this_ story?

 

Come on.  Let a girl have her fun.

 

So.

 

The following morning, after Nozomi had lured Eli into another fumble, the couple arrived at the club room to find Nico ready and waiting for her prey.  A fold-out three-way mirror, along with a selection of make-up, hair brushes and accessories awaited a certain redhead.  She'd even enlisted Honoka and Kotori as her hair and make-up assistants.

 

The girl in-question arrived alongside Nozomi and Eli, having met them outside of the school gates, wary of Nico's foreboding absence.  She blanched at the sight of the set-up.

 

Nico immediately pounced on her, steering her into an a reserved chair whilst cooing a million sweet nothings. 

 

"It's time to make you beautiful, just like N-"  Nico squeaked.

 

"Ah!"  Umi pointed, her eyes shooting a strict warning.  "No self-aggrandizing."

 

Nico mumbled a curse before re-embodying her hyper-kinetic act.

 

"...Just like everyone's #1 idol.  We all know who that is!"

 

"Nozomi?"  Eli suggested.

 

"Umi-chan?"  Kotori offered.

 

"I don't think so."  Nico noted, fighting to keep a polite-but-frail smile on her lips.

 

"Well, if you can't tell us who it is, then it must be Nozomi or Umi, right?"  Eli insisted.

 

Nico glared at her for a second before busying herself with getting a reluctant Maki settled in place.

 

"I, for one, think we all need to stop and figure this out."  Maki commented.

 

"I guess it must be both of you."  Kotori noted.

 

"I'm looking forward to working with you."  Nozomi winked at Umi and made a squeezing motion with one hand.

 

Umi regarded her with cold eyes and a frown.  "I see that harassment rule lasted."

 

Nozomi was about to reply when Eli slapped her shoulder.  "Behave."  She whispered.

 

"I'm far more intrigued to know what happens if I don't."  Nozomi flashed a grin, causing the blonde's cheeks to flush.

 

" _Oh My God!_   Will you two go be gross somewhere else and stop ruining Nico's special morning!"  Nico screeched, throwing a mini-tantrum.  "Now, Maki Maki-Ma, let's make you _Gorgeous!_ "  She squealed, instantly spinning back into the world's most hyperactive girlfriend.

 

She went to work without leaving another opening.  The show was on.  Maki was the centre of her attention now, and in true Nico fashion, she made sure everyone knew it; relentlessly fussing over her and cooing at her fidgeting.  Honoka and Kotori were in free-flow alongside her, making a drama of every simple request, complicating, what in reality, was a fairly simple hairstyle change.

 

"Now, for the final and most important decision..."  Nico turned to study a selection of ribbons that had been draped over on of the mirrors.  "...Maybe these...  Goes with your eyes."  She stroked a particularly elaborate purple pair.

 

"Wow.  Do you like frills?  I never noticed."  Maki remarked, voice thick with sarcasm.

 

"Of course.  Who doesn't?"  Nico replied, unperturbed.  "They're what fashion is all about!"

 

Kotori rolled her eyes at that but remained silent.

 

"Oh, yes..."  Nico hand strayed to another pair of finely-cut black silk ribbons.  "I think these are Maki-chan's..."

 

A few minutes later they all gazed upon the finished article who, now twin-tailed, was blushing furiously. 

 

"Whoa..."  Eli gasped in genuine surprise.  "You look really good!"

 

Even Umi seemed slightly taken aback.  "Could be worse."  She mumbled.

 

"Maki, are you single?"  Nozomi inquired, earning herself several glares, not least from the person in question.

 

Nico beamed, almost deliriously, at her new creation as Kotori took her turn to fawn over Maki.

 

"Smile, Maki-chan.  I want a cute picture."

 

" _Everyone_ wants a cute picture.  Come on, Maki-Maki-Ma, let's practice our pose."

 

"N-no..."  Maki was just barely hanging onto her sanity.

 

"You made the bet."  Honoka teased.

 

Maki groaned and covered her face.

 

Nico leaned down beside her and gently pulled her hands away.

 

"Maki..."  She spoke her name with almost unbearable fragility, backed with doe-eyes.  "You're so cute that Nico _has_ to see you.  She just wants to look at you."

 

Maki groaned again but relented, letting Nico pull her up to her feet.

 

Within a moment everyone except Eli and Umi had their phones out and trained on the redhead.

 

Nico clasped her hands together and appealed to Maki with her most sincere smile.

 

"You know what I want.  I promise I won't ask again for ages.  But just do this for me.  Please?"  The soft ache of her pleading voice caused Maki to moan, as if in pain.

 

"Pure poison."  Nozomi whispered in Eli's ear, causing the blonde to suppress a giggle.

 

Maki gave a pain-staking sigh before stepping back from Nico, nodding in an admission of defeat.  She looked around the room, her mouth forming a grim line at the sight of each lens trained on her.

 

"Thanks, all of you.  Really"  She noted.

 

"We're not filming you."  Eli replied, gesturing to herself and Umi.

 

"But I'm sure you're going to get it sent to you later."  Maki shot back.

 

"That does seem likely."  Umi noted with the faintest hint of a smirk.

 

Maki sighed one more time.  "Okay, I'm going to do this...  Just once.  And I don't want to ever hear about it again."  The resignation in her tone suggested that she was aware of the futility of her words.

 

Nico nodded.  Gasping in anticipation, she did a little jig of excitement.

 

"Okay..."  Maki took a deep breath and attempted to compose herself.

 

There was audible collective intake of breath all around the room in anticipation (and disbelief).

 

"Nico Nico-Ni!"  She did it, pose and all. 

 

No excuses. 

 

Full effort.

 

In the aftermath there was only stunned silence, at least until Nico appeared to faint.

 

"Too much...  Too...  Cute."  She squeaked, overloaded.

 

********************

 

From there the day should have only gone downhill, Nozomi reasoned.

 

Instead it passed by in a breeze; her memory capturing moments with the snap of her old camera; they were hued by those all-encompassing blue eyes, now seemingly thawed from their intimidating iciness to the light blue of summer days.

 

She wanted to tick each second off, so pleasant it seemed to move forward in the company of her love.  To simply not dread a period of your day, where once you were restless or isolated, is a welcome relief.

 

They spent most of the day either running errands, mostly in preparation for the graduation ceremony, or studying in the library.  There were breaks in-between for some lust-fuelled trysts, one of which was in the student council room for old time's sake.  In fact, they hard time keeping their hands off each other (much to Nico's displeasure, when she joined them to study).  Eli was keen, and judging by the growl that could be elicited from her throat, Nozomi had brought her A-game as well.

 

The first sign of something amiss came as they left school, walking with Kotori and Umi.  Beyond the gates the saw Maki and Nico going through their daily farewell ritual, the Nishikino family chauffeur and car forming a familiar backdrop.  The group paused, waiting at  a respectful distance for Nico.

 

Nozomi watched as they spoke quietly to each other, heads bowed together.  She knew that Nico hated this moment more than anything, the most dreaded part of her day.

 

As the seconds ticked on into minutes a sense of unease came over Nozomi.  She noticed that Maki was beginning to look a little distraught, while Nico's face was turned away from her line of sight.  She heard a sob as Nico pressed her face against her girlfriend's chest.

 

Several students walking by slowed to take in the scene.

 

Without a word, the four of them split off into two groups.  Umi and Eli for crowd control, while Nozomi and Kotori went to the couple.

 

"Sweetie, it's okay."  Kotori whispered, putting a reassuring hand on Nico's shoulder.  "Come on..."

 

Nozomi took Nico's other arm, wrapped around Maki's back, and gently started to pry it lose.  "Nicocchi, you'll see Maki tomorrow.  Don't worry."

 

Looking up, Nozomi noted that Maki's chauffeur was stood beside the car, his face bearing a deeply pained expression, as if he were ripping the two girls apart himself.  Shifting her gaze to Maki, she could see a deep well of sadness when their eyes met.

 

"S-sorry..."  The redhead mumbled.

 

"There's nothing to be sorry for."  Nozomi told her.

 

After a few more moments, Nico started to comply, allowing Kotori and Nozomi to draw her back.  She sniffled and rubbed the sleeve of her blazer across her face, frantically trying to compose herself.

 

Umi and Eli arrived, as if on cue and carefully guided Maki to the car and chauffeur, consoling her as they went.

 

Nico looked up just as the car door closed, she saw Maki put a hand up against the glass and groaned in pain.  She tried to wave but her arm seemed to go limp as it rose.

 

Nozomi pulled her into an embrace just a moment before she started to cry again.

 

*******************

 

The group walked to the station in formation, keeping Nico between them.  They split up from there, Nozomi taking her classmates back to her apartment.

 

Nico appeared to have sobered up on the way home, although she remained silent.  She threw herself on the couch when they arrived.  Eli sat down beside her as Nozomi made some tea.

 

When she re-appeared she set a tray down on the coffee table for everyone.  Eli leaned in and gave her a kiss on the cheek.  Nico made a token effort at showing disgust, pulling a face in their direction at the exchange.  It was clear that her heart wasn't in it though.

 

"I'm sorry, Nicocchi."

 

Nico shook her head and turned away.

 

"It's not your problem."  She mumbled.

 

"Of course it is."  Eli replied softly.

 

Nico half-glanced at them, over her shoulder.  Nozomi nodded in agreement.

 

Nico looked away again.

 

"I keep wishing I could..." 

 

"We know."  Nozomi said softly.

 

"...But I'm not..."

 

"There's some things you can't change, at least just yet."  Eli put an arm around Nico's shoulder and dragged her back to them. 

 

Nico moaned and tried to shrug the blonde off.

 

"Just knowing you care means so much to Maki.  Not just anyone could make her feel like that."  Eli continued. 

 

"If I was really that special then I could figure all this out...  And stop it happening everyday."

 

Eli pulled her closer, and for once Nico didn't fight it.

 

"Elichi's right.  You've got to be patient.  Keep being strong for her.  I know it's hard, I wouldn't think anyone else could do it...  But then, there's only one #1 idol in the world."

 

"... _Universe_."  Nico growled.

 

Nozomi laughed at that, getting up and moving across to the other side of the couch, sandwiching Nico between her and Eli.  She looped her arm around hers and kissed her lightly on the cheek.

 

"It'll work out.  It has to, it's Nico magic."  She giggled.

 

Nico turned to look at, suspicion colouring her gaze.

 

"And we'll be there to help you out."  Eli affirmed.  "The three of us are unstoppable."

 

Despite herself, a smile crept across Nico's lips.

 

"Well, I guess you both need Nico to win Love Live.  And Nico never lets her fans down, especially the desperate and needy ones, like you two.  So Nico will be as good as new tomorrow morning, since you _need_ her to be."

 

"I think I liked her more when she was sulking."  Eli noted, eyeing Nozomi and grinning.

 

"I don't know.  You can't say Nicocchi doesn't give the people what they want!"  Nozomi exclaimed, pressing in and hugging Nico, despite her immediate protest.

 

"No one can argue with that."  Eli agreed before throwing her arms around her friends as Nico screamed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are. July 2nd it comes to an end.
> 
> UPDATE: Okay, it's become clear to me over the last week that there's no way I'm going to finish this by my original deadline. Life has caught up + I really don't want to rush the final chapter. It's going to be more like August now, I think. But if you're waiting, rest assured that it's on its way. As always, thanks for reading.


	10. Where No Endings End

**The Day Before**

 

Eli opened the club room door on her last full day as a student of Otonokizaka academy and stepped inside.  She paused, waiting for everyone to look up and acknowledge her.

 

It was at this point that she decided to play one of her favourite tricks; a little routine she had developed over the past month.

 

Just as everyone glanced over at her, she yelped and hopped on the spot.  Composing a look mild aggravation across her features, she stepped aside and turned to face the person who had followed her through the doorway; Nozomi.

 

The entire room wore a well-worn look of disapproval as their gaze swept over the purple-haired third-year, none more so than Nico and Umi, who threw a weary shake of the head in for good measure.

 

Impervious by this point, Nozomi glanced at Eli, an eyebrow raised.

 

"You're a sly fox."  She murmured.

 

Facing Nozomi, Eli allowed herself a sharp grin.

 

"You're the one with a reputation."

 

"Well, I'd better live up to it then."  She replied.

 

Stepping past Eli, she reached out and pinched her thigh, causing to the blonde to genuinely flinch this time.

 

"Ummm, so smooth."  Nozomi's whisper trailed back, leaving Eli red-faced.

 

"Just one more day of this circus, Maki-chan.  _One More Day._ "  Nico muttered loudly.

 

Eli shook her head clear and took a seat.  As she sat down she was reminded of how the room was now dominated by the Love Live trophy, displayed on the table where Nico had put it, and where she had demanded it would remain; as a testament to the group's success or as a grand display of Nico's vanity, that depended on your viewpoint.  Eli, along with Maki, leaned towards the latter. 

 

There also had been another motive for the trophy's placement, as loudly decreed by the pint-sized super idol; to obscure Nozomi and Eli from the view of her usual seat.  Not that it had stopped her whining at their constant public displays of affection.

 

With the group now fully assembled, they all sat in an odd silence.  Eli felt as though she were sitting in the dark of a cinema screen, the projector shuffling through different screen shades of black as she waited for the film to begin, only to realize that it had already finished.  No one wanted to be the first to get up and leave.

 

She felt Nozomi's hand touch her wrist before settling into the palm of her own hand.

 

"I..."  Umi suddenly spoke up.  She moved to stand but then hesitated.  "...This is...  I suppose this is..."  She looked around the room, her face a sea of emotions that swept back and forth with the ebb and flow of the room, a little bit of everyone was reflected there.  "...Thank-you, everyone."  She finally settled on the sentiment that seemed to ring true; what they all really wanted to say in the simplest terms.

 

There didn't seem to be anything else to add.  Silence descended on the room once more, though it wasn't uncomfortable and the previous sense of apprehension drifted away.  They all had each other, and for the rest of her days, Eli would remember that afternoon; the sense of peace she felt as she sat with all of her friends, in a room that held so many memories, for one last time as a high-school student.

 

******************

 

Eli spent that evening at Nozomi's apartment, determined to stay for as long as possible, even as she reminded herself that she really did need to get home sooner rather than later.  Her grandmother, about whom she was 99% sure knew about her relationship (that was going to be a very anti-climactic reveal, Eli suspected), was waiting with Alisa to celebrate her last day of school.

 

Nozomi spoke sparingly, a faint melancholia gradually slipping over her, as Eli prompted memories of the last year, or discussed plans for their last two weeks together before she left for America.

 

Sensing that the conversation was becoming rather one-sided, Eli stopped chattering and leaned into Nozomi's soft form, spooning her as they sank into the couch.  Even these simple moments would soon come to an end, at least for the foreseeable future.

 

Perhaps it was her impending departure, or the general sense of _ending_ that had permeated the day, that made her think of a conversation with Umi; recollections of her questions and the vague answers that Nozomi had given.

 

"Why do you think I love you?"  Eli posed the question, murmuring it into Nozomi's shoulder.

 

She felt her lover tense up ever-so-slightly.

 

An answer was not forth-coming.  A minute or two of silence.

 

"Guess."  Eli prompted.

 

In response, Nozomi took Eli's hand and placed it against her chest, patting her hand once before leaving it there.

 

Eli sighed.

 

"It's not always about your chest."

 

"You keep saying that.  And yet, here we are."  Nozomi replied.

 

Eli gave her a slight squeeze for good measure.  "Well, it's not a _bad_ answer, but it's not the _right_ one."

 

"You know the rules; if you touch me, then you're telling me you want to be touched."

 

"Don't change the subject, I-"  Eli squealed as Nozomi suddenly rolled over on top of her.

 

She felt her lover's lips press against hers, as a hand roamed up and down her flank.

 

"For someone who always claimed to be withdrawn, you're such a meddler.  I don't think you can stand the sight of..."  Nozomi's voice drifted away.

 

Eli found herself gazing into the aquamarine depths of her eyes, enveloped by the wonderful mysteries that laid dormant within.

 

"You're my paramour..."  She heard herself say.  The deep green widened at that.  "It's important to me that you know why."

 

Nozomi recoiled slightly, but Eli's arms drew her back close.

 

"Is it my charming personality?"  Nozomi enquired, recovering her composure.

 

Eli couldn't help but cringe, it was the only way not to laugh.  "Sorry, sweetie..."

 

Nozomi pouted.  "So it _is_ about my body."  She shook her head.  "How shallow."

 

"I'm pretty sure that's your own standard."

 

Nozomi pulled back, making an even more theatrical show of disapproval.

 

"It's cute how you don't know how to deal with adoration."  Eli teased.

 

The comment seemed to spear Nozomi, pinning her upright as she straddled Eli.  Her eyes were wide, but they still seemed to focus on Eli.

 

"Poor thing.  No one's ever told you how special you are."  Eli's hands clamped onto her lover's waist

 

Nozomi tried to smirk; her lips twitched but fell back to somewhere in surprise.  Eli couldn't help but smile fondly as she glimpsed a sight so rarely seen.

 

They might have stayed that way for sometime if Eli's phone hadn't buzzed, reminding her of her impending engagement back home.  Before Nozomi could react, Eli sat up and kissed on the lips.

 

When their lips parted she watched at her girlfriend, taking her time to admire the view.

 

"I'll meet you here first thing tomorrow.  I want to do something special with your hair."  She told Nozomi, brushing a few strands of purple away from her eyes.  "And think about what I asked.  Then tell me when you know."  She said before kissing her one last time.

 

**********************

 

**Revenge**

 

Nico awoke slowly.  She allowed herself to lay in the tendrils of sunlight that were slowly blossoming from her bedroom window, eyes attuning to their prism as they grew around her.

 

There was no rush.  She wanted to be at her best today.  Needed to be.

 

Not for graduation, for that was a performance Nico could prance through at her worst, re-affirming how much she had endeared herself to her juniors, inspiring a grave sadness at the inevitable parting from their #1 idol in her classmates, and not to mention the moist eyes that would gleam amongst teachers who were surely losing their favourite student.

 

And it certainly wasn't for all that whiny stuff about saying goodbye and blah blah _blah_...

 

No.  This was something far more important.  More demanding.

 

_Vengeance._

She felt her teeth grind involuntarily as she thought of her target...

 

_Nozomi._

Finally.  Finally she would get her comeuppance.

 

For months Nico had endured the fallout from one of her classmates more notorious pranks; somehow getting her hands on and posting that (super-cute) video of Nico snoring her own name.  Which was really only remarkable because Nico was so adorable in it.

 

But, of course, people didn't quite see it that way.  Or they couldn't admit it, to be precise.

 

Everywhere she had gone in Tokyo she had heard it, the whispers accompanying the stares.  That was natural; Nico was a superstar, she expected people to stare.  But now, thanks to _her_ , half the time it was about that goddamn video!

 

_Can you really snore words?  How do you do it?_

When it should have been...

 

...Well, frankly it should have just been the gasps before fainting, so enamoured and overpowered by Nico's presence. 

 

But no, and it was because Nozomi had committed the ultimate crime; she had made Nico human in the eyes of her adoring fans.  And not in the cutesy, relatable way you're thinking of.  No, it had been _unwarranted_. 

 

And it certainly hadn't been Nico-approved. 

 

And more than anything, that was deserving of punishment. 

 

She was distracted from her machinations by the buzzing of her phone.  She reached out from under the covers and picked it up.

 

_Maki._

She answered as soon as her eyes ran over the name.

 

"A wild tomato appears!"  Nico giggled.

 

A faintly muttered curse could be heard on the other end of the line.

 

"Macks?  Are you there?"

 

"My name is _Maki_.  Not Macks or any of the other spins you try to put on it daily.  It's _Maki._  Say it with me.  _Maki_."

 

"Maki-Maki-Ma."  Nico chirped with abandon.

 

"Forget it.  Just forget it."  Maki snipped through Nico's ensuing cooing.

 

Nico smiled and sat up.  "So, what can I do for my Surly Princess today?"

 

"Nothing."

 

"Oh, of course.  This is the part where Nico has to guess what grumpy Maki-chan wants."  Nico gave a theatrical sigh, and even rolled her eyes; just to confirm how committed to the role of _tormented girlfriend_ she was, if only to herself.

 

Strangely, beyond the hushed reverberation of Maki's breathing there was no come-back.

 

Nico paused, another bright declaration on the tip of her tongue.  Instead, she laid back and waited; curious, but also slightly beleaguered by what she suspected was on Maki's mind.

 

"...Today..."  Even through the compression of the line, the word was mournful beyond doubt.

 

It took a moment for Nico to find a reply, and a moment longer for her to find her smile again.

 

"Oh, is Maki sad she won't get to make-out with Nico during lunch anymore?"

 

"Gross."  Came the familiar reply, but only as a faint whisper.

 

"Not to mention...  _Sliding a hand up Nico's skirt_..."  She murmured tantalizingly.

 

"I've never done that willingly.  You practically _made_ me do that."  The redhead retorted without any real force.

 

"That's not how Nico remembers it."  She teased on cue.

 

"Well...  You're wrong."

 

Nico wanted to snicker.  Normally, it was all too easy (and very fun).  Today, however, the weariness in Maki's voice was a little too weighty to ignore. 

 

Still, Nico had to try.  She was a natural at putting smiles on faces, after all.

 

"Nico's going to miss making-out with you."  She sang.

 

A faint, indecipherable muttering was the only reply.

 

"Now, Maki-Maki-Ma.  Enough about your #1 idol, although Nico's know that's an impossible request.  But you need to remember that Nico needs you to be in tip-top shape for her special graduation event today.  You remember?"

 

" _Special graduation event._ "  Maki repeated, her voice thick was scepticism.  That was better than nothing, Nico supposed.

 

"Of course."

 

"It's just one of your wacky schemes.  Why do you always try to dress these things up in the weirdest ways?"

 

Nico gave a quick gasp of momentary mock outrage.

 

"Nico can't believe Maki would say such a thing.  She _won't_ believe it."

 

"Sure.  That's great."

 

"Just think of it as a going-away present..."  Nico bit her tongue and cursed inwardly.

 

Somehow, even across the line, you could hear the mood change; warping back to the initial unspoken consequence of today's events.  

 

"Nico-chan..."  There was a pathetic whine in each syllable; it pulled at Nico's heartstrings.

 

She sighed and pulled the covers over her head, for what little good it did her.  Not much point in hiding, there was no avoiding it now.

 

"What's wrong, Maki-chan?"

 

"What's wrong?  You know...  It's..."

 

"Don't get all soft on me now.  Just tell me what's wrong." 

 

"You're going...  You're not going to be here..."

 

"I could be.  I think I could _possibly_ pass a third-year for one more year, don't you?"

 

Silence.

 

 _Wow_.  Nico grimaced.  She wasn't even biting on that.

 

"Okay, Maki-chan.  Let's get to it.  No, I'm not going to be at Otonokizaka anymore.  But I'll be everywhere else you want me to be whenever you want me to be there.  This doesn't change anything about us."

 

"Really?"  A bare whisper.

 

"Yeah.  But still no making-out at lunchtime, I'm afraid."

 

"Well, that's a plus."  Came the reply, finally resembling something approaching Nishikino snark.

 

"You're telling me.  You always have such bad breath.  Nico feels like she's choking."

 

"Nico-chan..."  The warning was evident, sharpening her tone.

 

Nico giggled, suddenly spinning out of bed and walking over to the window.  Beams of sunlight were starting to slice gaping holes through the overcast morning.

 

"I won't be wearing my school uniform anymore, no matter how much you beg, either."

 

"Is it still a little too big on you?"  Maki's voice dripped with sarcasm.

 

"Ah, I see usual service has resumed."  Nico smiled.  "Now, keep that attitude up and then maybe you'll get a Nico-tastic reward.  Something fitting for Nico's #1 fan."

 

********************

 

**In The Morning And Waiting**

The sunlight was still soft as it filtered into her room.  It caught the corner of her eye as she gazed into the oval mirror that adorned her dressing table.  A momentary distraction from studying the lines of her face, from trying to puzzle out how she really felt.

 

However, for as long as she had watched, the Kotori in the mirror had given nothing away.  No easy answers.

 

She had been trying to detach herself, to become bare and see what won out; the dread of today's epilogue or the joy of getting to celebrate one last time, all still high school students in the place that had gradually endeared itself to them.

 

_I think you focus on what's not there, rather than what is._

Her mother's words always rattled her when they echoed from memory. 

 

In this case, the concern was what _will_ not be there, one day. 

 

_A day just like this._

When she had arrived home last night, the thought must have been playing its way across her face.

 

She had felt herself slowly slipping away during the train ride home after saying goodbye to everyone.  Umi and Honoka had seemed similarly distracted.

 

Their farewells, leaving the station and walking home; all in the blink of an eye.  The train slowing to stepping through her front door; she couldn't recall a single detail.

 

"Is that my favourite daughter?"  Her mother called out.

 

"The other one."  Kotori replied.

 

"Sonoda-san?"

 

"I thought Umi was your favourite?"  Kotori asked as she followed her mother's voice.  She found her standing just beyond the patio doors, in the back garden with a glass of wine in hand.

 

"It changes from time to time."

 

"Why?"

 

Her mother glanced over her shoulder at her.  The setting sun silhouetted her from Kotori's probing gaze.  Standing in the relative shade of the house, the world beyond the glass doors seemed to blaze orange and red.

 

The sun seemed to have been setting for hours.  All day.

 

"A mother has her reasons."

 

"And her whims."  Kotori quipped.

 

"Those too."  Her mother agreed with a smile.  At least Kotori thought she did, from what little she could make out.

 

They stood is a silence not uncomfortable for a while.  Kotori had the vague impression that her mother was waiting for something; like a bus or train, an arrival or a departure.  She seemed to peering into the back garden, searching for something in the distance, though not overly concerned if it would arrive anytime soon.

 

"How are you feeling about tomorrow?" 

 

"How are you feeling about tomorrow?"  Kotori turned it around.

 

"How are _you_ feeling about tomorrow?"  Her mother turned to fire a brief warning with her eyes.

 

It was one of her pet hates to have questions turned around on her.  Hence, why Kotori had developed a habit of doing it.

 

"Okay."

 

"Just okay?"

 

"Yeah.  I...  Well...  You know."

 

"Pretend I don't.  Spell it out for your dear mother."

 

Kotori sighed and rolled her eyes.

 

"That bad, huh?"

 

"I didn't say anything."

 

"Well, it's different for everyone, and you've still got a while left yet, so don't worry too much."

 

"I'm not worried."

 

"You're a worrier, Kotori."

 

"I am not!"

 

"Of course.  Of course not."  She walked past Kotori, patting her shoulder condescendingly.  "Remember to thank your senpais tomorrow.  They've been good to you.  Especially Yazawa."

 

"What?  Why?"

 

"Because she said so."  Her mother called back just before she reached the staircase and subsequently disappeared from view.

 

Back in the gradually blooming morning, A rueful smile played its way across her lips as she recalled her mother's feints.  It made difference, a very pleasant one.  She had already left for the school this morning to check over preparations for the big day. 

 

The silence she left behind made it easier to be pensive, Kotori supposed. 

 

*******************

 

A polite knock at the door distracted her from the breakfast she had been half-heartedly eating.  She hopped to her feet and quickly checked herself over before going to answer.

 

The first sight of her visitor always made her heart leap. 

 

Umi looked up and smiled as the door opened.

 

"Good morning."  She said, her voice low, almost intimate despite the just being a greeting.

 

"Umi-chan.  You're early..."  That was to be expected, of course.  But...

 

"GOOD MORNING KOTORI-CHAN!"  Honoka shouted, suddenly dashing in front of Umi.

 

Kotori, momentarily taken aback, caught the sight of Umi glancing at Honoka with a cross between faint disdain and resignation.  Attempting to suppress a chuckle proved a challenge, even after all this time.

 

"Good morning, Honoka-chan."  Kotori replied a few moments later, remembering that a response was general expected.

 

With remarkable sure-footedness, Umi swiftly stepped around Honoka, so that she was in front of Kotori once more.

 

"I'm sorry we're early.  We can wait if you need more time."

 

"We could even sneak in a nap."  Honoka suggested hopefully.

 

"I don't think so."  Umi's voice turned stern.

 

Kotori giggled.  "It's okay.  Just give me a minute to grab my things."

 

A few minutes later, as they walked to the station, Kotori found herself detached from the usually amusing bickering of her two best friends.  Maybe they were trying too hard, squabbling over anything just to avoid talking about what they were all thinking about.

 

Or maybe Kotori was just over-thinking it.

 

Clearly, she wasn't doing a very good job of masking whatever was floating around in the back of her mind.  They had only been on the train for a few minutes when Umi nudged her.

 

"Okay?"

 

"Sure."

 

"You're worried about today?"

 

"Yeah."  Kotori surprised herself by admitting it.

 

"You don't need to worry, we've done the student council proud.  I've checked over the schedule.  The ceremony is fool proof."  Umi gave an affirmative nod.

 

Kotori hesitated, realizing the obvious misunderstanding.  "...No..."

 

A strange smile spread across Umi's lips, causing her to hesitate again.

 

"Was...  Was that a joke?"  Kotori asked cautiously.

 

Umi shrugged.

 

"Sonoda Umi using self-aware humour?  Where am I?"

 

Umi only continued to smile.  "I've been thinking about it a lot as well.  Obviously, it's not the last time we'll see them.  Far from it, but...  It's going to be a change."

 

Kotori nodded.  Was that it?

 

Umi leaned in.

 

"We'll be okay.  I...  I know it."

 

" _Kiss her_."  Honoka whispered from next to Kotori, causing Umi to momentarily panic, as though she expected Kotori to act on the instruction immediately.  Though she didn't pull back, Kotori noted with a little rush of excitement.

 

" _Kiss her now_."  Honoka whispered again.  Umi turned grim-faced.

 

"We try to moderate public displays of affection.  Unlike you."  Umi sniped.

 

Honoka starred at her, blank-faced, the insinuation lost on her.

 

"... _Tsubasa-chan..._ "  Kotori hummed.

 

Honoka pulled back, bringing a hand to her chest and staring at them both in horror.

 

"After all of your fawning the other day, I wouldn't be taunting others."  Umi raised an eyebrow for maximum disapproval.

 

"I didn't do anything."  Honoka mumbled.

 

"You couldn't have done much more."  Kotori, turning to shoot a sly look at her friend.

 

"You're ganging up on me!"  Honoka pointed at them both in turn, accusingly.

 

"And that stare..."  Kotori turned to Umi, arching an equally disapproving eyebrow.

 

"Practically undressing her."  Umi replied, taking her time with each word, trying hard to frown over the smile that was obviously pulling at the corners of her mouth.

 

"Um-hummmm."  Kotori nodded. 

 

In sync, they both turned to look at Honoka expectantly.   

 

Flustered, their classmate looked away.  "...Just friends..."  She grumbled.

 

"Of course.  Of course."  Kotori murmured.  "Like me and Umi-chan.  We're _just friends_."

 

"Best friends."  Umi confirmed, totally straight.

 

Honoka looked up briefly and pulled a face at them before staring back down at the floor.

  

Their foe vanquished, Umi leaned back into Kotori, as if to resume their conversation.

 

"It's fine.  You're right."  Kotori gave her the quick brush-off, not missing a beat.

 

"Okay..."  Umi whispered reluctantly, allowing herself to lean against Kotori for a few moments longer.

 

"You don't need to worry."  Kotori whispered.

 

Umi glanced at her from the side as those words hit home.  If Kotori had risked a look, she would have regretted that choice of phrase, and she would have seen ever-clear signs of Sonoda concern taking root in her girlfriends eyes.

 

********************

 

**The Problem-Solver**

When they arrived at Otonokizaka, the three of them split up to check on various stages and areas of preparation for the graduation ceremony.

 

Umi was actually glad to get away from her friends.  A meandering walk to the main hall gave her time to mull over whatever was bothering Kotori.  It didn't seem like an imminent problem, and Umi was, grudgingly, beginning to grasp her reputation for _occasionally_ obsessing over a problem to the extent of making it worse.  Though frankly, that reputation was ill-deserved and could  only be attributed to about one ( _maybe two_ ) cases of μ's and student council action.  And that was being very generous.  And what about all the times she had been right?  No one seemed too keen to give her her dues then, did they?  No.  So really, if you based Umi's intuition for problem-solving on her record, then in any sane world you _had_ to give her the benefit of doubt.

 

Therefore, she was totally justified in grinding over every detail of this morning's journey to school as she swept her eyes over the school grounds, looking for anything amiss.

 

_You don't need to worry._

That was all she could come up with.  And it was rather presumptuous to the read the reverse into what her girlfriend had told her.  Although, Umi certainly wasn't blind to Kotori's habit of boxing concerns and worries up inside her head, rather than (as Umi was sure she viewed it) inconveniencing her friends.  It was a quite ridiculous thing to do, but very noble at the same time...

 

Umi found herself staring at a particularly diminutive student, the presence of whom had interrupted both her survey of the school and her own thoughts. 

 

"You look nice."  Nico remarked, pulling a face that suggested she thought the exact opposite.

 

"Buzz off."  Umi snapped.  Her jaw ached as she spoke; she had been grinding her teeth along with her memory, she realised. 

 

"What a thing to say to your senpai, and on graduation day too."  Nico gave a slight shake of her head.  She didn't seem too perturbed.

 

"What?  What do you want?"  Umi eyed her, aware that she wasn't going to leave until she got whatever it was she wanted.

 

"Eli wants to speak to you.  We were checking over the main hall because we thought you needed help..."  Nico let it hang, raising an eyebrow at Umi's gruffness.

 

"Why didn't she-"

 

"Because she wants to make-out with her girlfriend in the back, Nico guesses."  She sighed.  "Letting Nico do all the hard work...  Well, what should Nico expect?"

 

"Let's go."  Umi immediately set off for the hall; aware that Nico would continue to whine about her perceived injustices of the world for hours if she didn't. 

 

Everyone's (expect Umi's) favourite super idol fell in behind her (with a irritated squeak for good measure) as Umi marched off to the main hall.  When they arrived the hall was deserted, though everything was arranged and laid out ready for the ceremony. 

 

"Where are they?"  Umi turned to Nico.

 

Nico gave her a knowing look before clearing her throat loudly.

 

A brief commotion could be heard from behind the stage, and then a flustered Eli appeared with a smug Nozomi in tow.

 

"Hey, Umi!"  The blonde greeted her, running a hand along the collar of her shirt and straightening it.

 

"Guess what we were doing?"  Nozomi grinned at her.

 

"Just checking back-stage!"  Eli answered for her.

 

Nico rolled her eyes and exchanged another glance with Umi.

 

"A very thorough check.  No problems back there."  Nozomi agreed.

 

Eli turned to glare at her for before making her way off the stage and down to the main floor to meet Umi.  As she came closer she noted that Umi looked a little off-colour.

 

"Everything okay?"  She asked.

 

"Sure."  Umi replied, sounding anything but.  "What do you need?"

 

"Oh, nothing.  I just wanted to check if you needed anything else?  We've been over everything here.  It's just the after-party, I'll check in with Honoka on that."

 

"That would be great."  Umi nodded.  Yet, despite this seemingly clear act of communication, she found that everyone was still staring at her.

 

"What's up?"  Eli asked, eyeing her with concern. 

 

_Nothing._

That's what she wanted to say.  That would have been easier.  But...  Even if the other two were lost causes, Eli could always be counted on.

 

"I...  This morning...  I think Kotori...  Something is bothering her."  She stumbled through the explanation.

 

"It's probably sex."  Nozomi stated.

 

"It's not that."  Eli immediately countered as Umi's eyes popped wide.

 

"It could be."  Nozomi shrugged.

 

"You don't know that it isn't."  Nico agreed.

 

"Thanks for the insight, guys.  Really helpful."  Eli shot a pointed look at both of them.  "It's probably just...  Today."  She turned back to Umi.  "It's gonna hit all of us at some point, you know?  It's a big change.  We're all thinking about it.  Even these two, believe it or not."  She thumbed over her shoulder, where her two fellow third-year watched on with grins.

 

Umi nodded.  Of course.  That much was obvious.  But...

 

"Maybe she's thinking about next year, when it's your turn to graduate?"  Eli suggested.

 

Umi nodded again.  That seemed likely.  Still...

 

"How do I get her to..."  Umi hesitated.

 

Eli smiled sympathetically.  And she noticed  the laughter slips away from Nozomi and Nico's faces.  A hint of concern now colouring their expressions.  

 

"I don't think you can...  It's not something you can fix.  Just..."

 

"What?"  Umi pressed.

 

"Just let her know you're there."  Nozomi supplied.

 

Nico nodded in agreement.

 

***********************

 

Umi found Kotori on the roof of the main building.  They had all spent so much time there together over the last year that it seemed fitting, and a symptom of the problem, perhaps.

 

Despite the sage advice of her seniors, as Umi had wandered the school searching for her girlfriend she had found herself trying to compose a way to open dialog, to get to the root of the problem and, ultimately, erase it.

 

Yet, as she approached Kotori, she couldn't bring herself to speak.  It didn't feel right.  Instead, she wordlessly stepped in beside Kotori and gently took her hand in hers.  They exchanged a quick glance of acknowledgement and then Umi found herself sharing the view of Otonokizaka; a view, from this perspective, she seemed to have taken for granted until now.

 

It really all would start to change after today.  The nine of them would never glimpse at the future together, speculating on everything from behind the school's chain link fence. 

 

They wouldn't be part of the same fight anymore.

 

And then, in another year, there would be even less of them left to remember, stood on this rooftop staring into the distance.  And then in another year...  No one and nothing left of who they had been, what they had done and why they had done it.

 

It hit her like a punch in the stomach.

 

_Time slips away._

 

She was shaking.  She only realised when she felt Kotori's hand slip from hers before sliding around her waist, pulling her closer.

 

"I can't believe it's really here.  I knew it, but now..."  Her voice was weak, a far-cry from earlier.

 

Kotori leaned in and kissed her lightly on the cheek.

 

"I know."  She whispered.  And then suddenly, she laughed.  Softly, but the sound startled Umi.

 

"It's been quite a ride."  Kotori continued.  "Best year of my life."

 

"R-really?"  Umi glanced at her.

 

"Yeah."  She laughed again, this time with the familiar giggle that Umi knew so well.

 

"I thought you were sad?"  Umi asked, confused and still shaken.

 

"I was.  But then you just...  Did what you always do."

 

"I didn't do anything."

 

"Sure you did."

 

"What?"

 

"I told you, _what you always do_.  You always keep your promises."

 

Umi was still more bewildered than she would have liked to admit.  But even through the haze of what she had came here to do and what had happened,  looking at Kotori's growing smile gave her a sense of relief, as it so often did, that eclipsed impending thoughts of the future.

 

"Thanks for finding me."  She murmured, before brushing her lips against Umi's.

 

*********************

 

**Assistant To Her Own Downfall**

Towards midday the families of graduating student began to arrive, filtering through the school grounds and buildings towards the eventual destination of the hall for the early afternoon graduation ceremony.  This included a visit from the Yazawa family.  Maki had been greeting Mrs. Yazawa, along with Hanayo and Rin, when Nico appeared to lose the plot in her mother's presence, going into full-on attention-seeking brat mode.  It probably had something to do with an unprecedented chance to show off, but whatever the reason, it wasn't something Maki intended to let Nico forget anytime soon.

 

After that, and some subsequent light mocking, Nico declared that it was time to commence operation: _Red Ribbon Revenge._   Don't ask.

 

And so, Maki found herself scouting out the school grounds for Nozomi.

 

She found her idling near one of the building entrances, speaking to Eli's sister, Alisa. 

 

Maki stood back, out of view as she watched her prey.  Nozomi had her styled in a pretty-looking braid, and she looked particularly radiant as she chatted with Alisa.  She had been looking noticeably brighter ever since her and Eli had made up.  It brought a familiar pang of guilt at the thought out what Maki was going to do.

 

Of course, every time she felt that way, she thought about why Nozomi _did_ deserve a humbling.  In particular, how she had somehow got that goddamn video of Nico (that Maki really should have deleted) off her phone and onto the internet, AND how she had framed Maki for doing it.  _Anonymous Tomato_ , indeed.  As always, Maki found her temper seething at the memory.  She hated to be exposed as...  Well...  Kind of a...

 

Maki closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

 

She was, from time to time, an admirer of Nico...  Who could be adorable on rare occasions, usually when she wasn't talking.  And that was very sweet for a prim-and-proper girl like Maki, when you thought about it.  The fact that Nozomi had decided to broadcast this to everyone in the world over YouTube....  And with _that_ video...  Which inevitably led to the loaded question of how Maki had recorded _that_ video -  "Enjoying a _sleepover_ , were you?" - well, the third-year was going to get what she deserved.  Or at least admit to what she did.

 

Her moral quandary was interrupted as she noticed  Alisa saying her farewells.  Maki made her move, slipping in behind Nozomi as she waved goodbye.

 

"Hey."  Maki kept it alarmingly neutral.

 

"Oh!  Hey, handsome."  Nozomi turned to her with a start.

 

"Nico wants to see you."  She announced a little bit too quickly.

 

Her senior eyed her for a moment.  "Okay."

 

"She's in the club room."  She informed her.

 

"Thanks.  See you later."

 

Maki smiled and nodded, wary of giving anything away.  She watched Nozomi leave and then began to follow her at a concealed distance.  She followed her into the main building and up towards the club room.  Alerting Nico with a text, as she did. 

 

When they came closer to the club room a commotion could be heard.  Nozomi paused, and Maki stopped to peer at her from around a corner.  Two voices could be heard arguing.  It was Hanayo and Rin.

 

They were also party to this rather convoluted plot, because it was through them that Nico had finally learnt the truth.  It turned out that Rin had been in on Nozomi's little prank, and had let something slip in front of Hanayo that alluded to her misdeed.  While in the process of admonishing her, Nico had happened to overhear the couple and put the pieces together.  Then she had approached them, agreeing to let Rin off the hook if they both helped her reel in the true villain.  Thus, all the first-years had been drawn into Nico's web of revenge.

 

Presently, Hanayo and Rin were giving a rather dramatic re-enactment of their original fracas, with Hanayo berating Rin in a high-whine, that to Maki sounded more like an apology, while Rin threw herself into the role with a bit more gusto; desperately trying to convince her girlfriend of her innocence, as if she had been accused of murdering someone rather than some internet comedy. 

 

Maki watched from her stalking place as Nozomi took in what was happening and then set off again towards the club room.  She entered the room and Maki followed again, taking up a position outside.  She could hear Nozomi attempting to calm the two of them down.  Then came the admission, that it hadn't been Rin's fault at all; she had been talked into it by a terrible influence. 

 

They way in which she spoke, surprisingly graceful in apology as she begged Hanayo's forgiveness on Rin's behalf, brought on another pang of guilt against Maki's conscience.

 

As Nozomi finished, there was another commotion from inside the room, followed by the unmistakable sound of Nico's crowing triumph as she emerged from her hiding place.

 

"I knew it was you!"  She squawked.  "I've got everything on video.  Now I want to hear it, I want my apology!"

 

Maki was startled as the door slammed open and Nozomi flew out.  Nevertheless, she held her position in the corridor, effectively blocking off her senior's escape route.  She was about to announce this fact when Nozomi suddenly grabbed her by the shoulders.

 

"Congratulations, Maki!"

 

"Wh-what!?"  Maki tried to shake her off.

 

"Nicocchi said she's going to propose after graduation!"  Nozomi was grinning, ear to ear.

 

Obviously Nico hadn't just said that. 

 

In fact, Maki had clearly just heard what she had said. 

 

Oddly, this didn't halt the contrasting sensations of going completely numb and then sensory overload, in quick succession. 

 

_Bride-to-be._

 

She stepped back and felt like she was walking on air, all sense of balance lost.

 

_What are you going to walk down the aisle to?_

 

She opened her mouth but no sound came out. 

 

_Better start preparing your vows now._

 

Then she seemed to start vibrating, as if a great humming was erupting from inside of her.

 

It barely registered as Nozomi pushed past her and made for the stairs.

 

The next thing she knew, Nico came storming out of the room.  She made to go after Nozomi but stopped, concern evident as she took in Maki's staggered form. 

 

"What's wrong?  What did she say?"

 

Maki forced herself, with a notable degree of mental focus, to meet Nico's gaze.

 

"M-Marr...  Marriage?"  It was about as much as she could manage.

 

Nico stared at her; one moment in complete confusion, the next in the dawn of understanding.  Then she looked past her.

 

Maki turned to see Nozomi making her escape.  Somehow, even in the midst of her retreat down the stairwell, she had the wherewithal to look up and wink at them both before she disappeared from sight.

 

From there, the last thing she remembered was the loudest, fiercest, most chill-inducing scream she'd ever heard, emanating from the lips of the tiniest eighteen year-old she'd ever seen.

 

***********************

 

Maki was sitting on a bench outside.  The graduation ceremony was inching closer and closer, and she really had other things she needed to be doing.  She knew Honoka was probably looking for her about now. 

 

However, she remained rooted to the spot, watching as Nico paced back and forth before her with a face made of thunder.

 

"You shouldn't have let her get away!"  Nico snapped, for maybe the tenth time.

 

"Excuse me."  Maki retorted with an equally sharp look.

 

"I can't believe you let _that_ get to you."  Nico whined, finally pausing in her pacing.

 

"Wouldn't you?"  Maki shot back, her temper starting to wear through her voice.

 

"Why?"

 

" _Why?_ "  Maki replied, incredulous.

 

"Well, of course it's going to happen, eventually.  So what?"

 

Maki stared at her, dumb-founded.

 

"We might as well."  Nico huffed.

 

"Oh!  Oh!"  Maki felt her head spin.  " _We might as well_?  Well then, let me tell my parents.  Let's book the chapel right now.  Dresses tomorrow, guest lists the day after.  If _we might as well_!"  Maki screamed at her.

 

Surprisingly, Nico didn't react to her verbal barrage.  She just looked at her calmly, before stepping forward and taking a hold of her hand.

 

"Sorry.  I shouldn't have put it like that."

 

"Y-yeah..."  Maki whispered, off-balance.

 

"But it _is_ pretty obvious.  I mean, Maki has to write all of Nico's songs, and then be her rich trophy wife."

 

Maki scowled, even if she didn't quite feel it.

 

"You're going to be _my_ trophy wife." 

 

"Hmm, sure, Maki-chan."  Nico gave her an impish grin.

 

She wanted to fight back, she really did.  But as she looked up into Nico's eyes...  Like so often over the last year, it just felt futile...  Or more like she was fighting against something she really wanted.  Everyday she came closer to admitting it.

 

"I regret ever meeting you."  Was the best Maki could do.

 

"Oh, that's so kind, Maki-chan."  Nico swooned as if she had been paid the most touching of compliments.

 

"This is crazy.  Absolutely crazy."

 

"So crazy that you're not really objecting to it?"  Nico asked, innocuous in her tone.

 

Maki closed her eyes and sighed deeply.  That really was the pertinent point, wasn't it?

 

When she opened her eyes, Nico was giving her one of her sweetest, most winning smiles.  She was impossible to shake off when she got into her groove.

 

"I don't know about any of this.  I'm just not saying that it won't happen...  Eventually."

 

Nico kissed on her the lips suddenly, and then darted back, her smile still retaining a remarkable level of sincerity considering how smug she must have been feeling.

 

"That's the sweetest thing you've ever said to me.  I'll treasure it forever."  She cried in a shrill declaration.

 

_God help me._

 

That was the prevailing thought as Maki watched Nico prance around her in some sort of private celebration.

 

Though she couldn't help but smile in a way she never had before. 

 

...And she still had a parting gift to give, she recalled as she spied Honoka across the way.

 

*******************

 

**The Answer**

As graduations go it had been a pretty eventful one, Nozomi reflected.

 

After the ceremony she had abstained from the after-party, preferring a solitary moment or two in which to collect herself.  To the rear of the school she found a spot to herself; she sat down in the shade of a tree and, in the aftermath of the ceremony, felt the weight of everything that had happened in the last year settle down with her.

 

The others would come looking for her soon, of that she had no doubt.  She just needed a little time.

 

_Why do you think I love you?_

The question leapt to the fore-front of her mind; perhaps because it was the only telling one she hadn't answered before officially graduating.

 

What had she said to Umi?

 

_I see her in a different way..._

It hadn't been a lie, but a half-truth at best.  She didn't really know. 

 

Eli made it sound like the real answer was at once something so simple that it was just under her nose, while at the same time something more mysterious.  Something beyond the grasp of her self-examination.

 

"Hey."

 

She flinched as her Eli's voice crept up on her.  She glanced to one side and then the other as the blonde sat down next to her.  She smiled coyly but didn't say anything.

 

"Had a fun day?"  Nozomi asked.

 

"Sure.  Though as I hear it, not as much fun as you."  She replied with a pointed look.

 

Nozomi chuckled and nodded.

 

"So..."  Eli leaned in a little closer, her fingers brushing against Nozomi's flank.  "Have you figured it out?"

 

Nozomi looked up into those eyes she would forever dream of, and considered her options.

 

"No."  She admitted after a few moments.

 

"Umi told me what you said when she asked you why you liked me." 

 

The lightness of her smile told Nozomi that she liked what she had heard.

 

"Solider game trio gossips."  Nozomi smirked

 

"She said it made her think about a lot of things."  Eli ignored her.

 

"I'm profound like that."  Nozomi asserted.

 

"Of course.  Hey, maybe that's what it is?"  Eli teased with a chuckle.

 

"You tell me."

 

"Hmmm...  Sorry.  I don't think so."

 

Nozomi pouted.

 

"So, come on.  Tell me.  Give me your best guess.  Just try."

 

Nozomi eyed her, her mind whirling over the possibilities of what she wanted to hear.

 

"I...  I don't know." 

 

Because it was true.  She didn't.  No matter how many answers she rolled around in her head, none seemed any better than the next.

 

Eli was still smiling at her. 

 

"I didn't know for a long time either."

 

Nozomi wacthed her, waiting for her to continue.

 

Eli just kept smiling.  She shrugged after a while.

 

"What?"  Nozomi prompted.

 

"Oh, I can't explain it."

 

"I see.  But you thought it would be fun to pester your lover with it?"

 

"Exactly." 

 

Eli was still wearing that dumb smile.  She looked like it was Christmas morning, presents all-around, ready to be opened.

 

"Umi told me that you said it wasn't something you could convey.  Just a feeling.  Something only two people can express to each other."

 

Nozomi stared at her, a little taken aback.  She honestly couldn't remember exactly what she'd said.  She hadn't been in the best mind frame.

 

"And then it clicked for me.  That was it.  For me, that was it."  Eli whispered into her ear, leaning in closer, their eyes meeting at different angles.

 

In that moment, a weight seemed to shift from Nozomi; she felt herself tremble.  Even if she didn't fully understand...  It wasn't a sentence, but a picture, or an amalgam of many different images.  Something laid out in her cards.  A story that only made sense when you could look back from the ending; at the whole world and where you and that certain someone stood in it.

 

And when she looked into Eli's eyes, she realised, with quite a shock, that it had been there all along.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That took a while longer than I thought when I started this story. Over a year. Everything lot has changed for me since then, pretty much all for the better. And I'd like to think this story reflects that here and there.
> 
> Many thanks to everyone who read this, subscribed, regularly left comments and checked up on it. It means a lot to me and kept me motivated to eventually finish. Really, thank you.
> 
> Hopefully I'll get a few more side-stories out sometime this year. For now I'm going to take a break and just enjoy reading. 
> 
> Thanks!


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